OK first my parents split when i was little and my father and grandfather are very racist people. me myself i don't believe in racism. So when i was in a relationship me being white and my boyfriend being black it was hard to keep my mom from finding out. After a year of dating she did find out and made us break up for fear of my father and grandfather. she did not think i was old enough to make my decision. It was hard because at the time we were in school and had all the classes together. we eventually went our seperate ways which caused more heartache. then one day he walked into my job and i was old enough and things took off. here we are 2 1/2 years later and we have a house together and I love him and know i wanna be with him for the rest of my life and he says he fills the same. the fault is this after all this he has never asked the question: will you marry me? when i ask he always says im too young(19) or makes up some excuse. Is he ever going to ask or am i kidding myself?
2007-05-21 13:53:16 · 11 answers · asked by tweety 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
ok he is 23 he helps me around the house and does everything in his power to make sure i am always happy. example one day i wasnt feeling good and went to work and i had somethings to do before i went to work and when i got to work i had a dozen roses and a bear with a card that said i love you forever. he says he wants marriage in a few years but i mean why not now. we have lived together for 1 1/2 years now and been through everything. as far as family only my father and grandfather dislike it my mothers side is perfectly ok and embrace him as son and grandson.
2007-05-21 14:41:39 · update #1
I wish there were some magic words to say about your situation. Yes, you are still young, but have been together 2 1/2 years, so that leads me to believe he does love you. Now,whether he is ready to make the full commitment of marriage, I think it sounds as if he is a little non committal on that part. Not due to the love he has for you, but maybe for other reasons. I married at 19 my first time and it lasted for 24 years and ended with his death. Age has nothing to do with this. Something is holding him back and that is something he has to be able to work through. You have put in a lot of years with him, so don't give up on him as long as he shows you the love you deserve. If the day comes that you see difference than leave and don't waste anymore time on him. Maybe not bringing it up will help. Some men are gun shy of that big M word. Keep the commutation lines open between the two of you and I am sure it will all work out. Always go with your gut feelings.
2007-05-21 16:13:31 · answer #1 · answered by Krinta 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Let's talk about marriage shall we. First I think your fella sounds like a keeper. Why? Because he has a good head on his shoulders. He does not believe in his heart that the time is right to make the level of commitment marriage entails. You indicate that he is hesitating because he does not believe you are ready yet. I find that fantastic quite honestly. Marriage is a legal contract by which you make a statement to the world you are willing to take on the benefits and liabilities of another human being. What this means in layman's terms is that no matter what another person does, as in action, you are responsible or are benefited - whatever the case may be. This is a huge undertaking. Not a matter to be taken lightly. Unfortunately many people sign on the dotted line without realizing what they have just gotten themselves into. I suggest you take on a different attitude. Fully understand and appreciate what marriage is prior to making this life changing commitment. Once you demonstrate this his attitude may change. Slow down and enjoy. Not quite time to do the all or nothing thing.
2007-05-21 15:18:22 · answer #2 · answered by Healthy Lifestyle Geek 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You are too young. Especially since I'm sure the family will be in an uproar the moment it's announced. Give it some more time and make sure you know what you are getting into. You are playing house right now and it's great but you can also leave at anytime. You two both have to be old enough and strong enough to deal with your racist family members when you announce the wedding, birth of your children and the like. Believe me it's harder to deal with than you might be thinking right now. I've seen it take the wind out of the sails of a few friends and family members who were much older than you. None of them broke up but it did make them second guess what they were doing/had done.
2007-05-21 14:02:02 · answer #3 · answered by indydst8 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
He will not marry you,why should he,he already has you doesn't he. He can candy coat it anyway he wants but it comes down to love.If he really loved you the way you think you love him the two of you would be married.Personally i think it's just unfinished business you are feeling for him.He is right about you being way,way to young for marriage.Why the need to be married do you think being married will make him love you more or show you more.You haven't even begun to live yet so stop trying to grow up before your ready.I no you don't want to hear these things but maybe if enough people
keep telling you the samething it will sink in i doubt it but maybe it will.
2007-05-21 14:27:47 · answer #4 · answered by Teenie 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
He very well may ask you at some point. My husband and I started dating at a young age and it took several years but we finally did get married. I bet the same will happen for you guys. Just be patient and don't pressure him (at this point anyway) I'm not saying you should wait forever but making lifelong commitments at 19 is not always the best thing because you change dramatically in your early 20's. Good luck! ;-)
2007-05-21 14:01:20 · answer #5 · answered by . 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Why should he get married? He already has the life that goes with it. Sorry - that sounded a little preachy and wasn't intended to. After 2 1/2 years, you need to let him know that you aren't too young (your judgement call - not his) and that it is what you want. Let him know that his refusal to consider marriage to you contradicts his words i.e. he wants to spend the rest of his life with you. Let him know that the time has come to make a permanent committment to you. If he still refuses, it probably isn't going to happen.
2007-05-21 14:07:12 · answer #6 · answered by Mrs. Goddess 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Ok you are living with him!! why do you want to marry him? At this point its like you are married to him. Trust me! life will change once you turn 21, wait until you are older. Marrying somebody just because of one person is ready, its not going to work out! Don't rush him into marriage because its not going to last as much as you would want to or dream of it. Marriage is a hard road, you have to make hard and easy decisions, you have to stay true to only one person and you have to be ready to forgive and forget and move on with life. Its going to be difficult for your family to accept, just wait. My best advice for you is to worry about you and your future! and not so much about marriage! good luck!
2007-05-21 14:10:29 · answer #7 · answered by alma c 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You are young yet...and so is he....don't rush marriage...in a couple years if he hasn't asked then I'd question it....but for now just be happy.....Do you believe he loves you? Do you love hime? IF both answers are yes then just be happy...what is meant to happen will happen if allowed time......People change all the time but they do alot of growing up in early to mid 20's...so don't rush...Just be happy and live your life :)
2007-05-21 14:51:24 · answer #8 · answered by grdnangel0209 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Only he can answer that for you. Sit down and really discuss it with him. Tell him that you would like to know if he is ever going to be ready for you two to be married. Right now I have to agree with him ... you are still very young to get married at this time.
2007-05-21 13:59:33 · answer #9 · answered by susie 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Have you asked if he wants to marry you in the future? He's right, you are young. There is no reason to rush into marriage. He may also be concerned about your family. Talk to him.
2007-05-21 13:59:27 · answer #10 · answered by QT 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋