Is it possible for a married woman to have a meaningful relationship outside of marriage?

Question

My husband was injured 10 years ago and endured seven back surgeries because of it. He is on high doses of pain medication on a daily regemin and has no interest in sex or affection or anything romantic. We haven't touched intimately in three years and the lonliness gets overwelming sometimes. I don't want to leave him with his condition but I want a love life. Is it possibe to have a relationship outside of marriage under these circumstances?

My husband was injured 10 years ago and endured seven back surgeries because of it. He is on high doses of pain medication on a daily regemin and has no interest in sex or affection or anything romantic. We haven't touched intimately in three years and the lonliness gets overwelming sometimes. I don't want to leave him with his condition but I want a love life. Is it possibe to have a relationship outside of marriage under these circumstances?

I have told him how I felt over and over and still nothing my suggestions for sex alternatives like oral or cuddling get pushed aside and avoided. I have tried to imagine being in his shoes but I cannot imagine not even wanting a kiss or a candlelight dinner or to just shower together. It really would not take much encouragement for me to remain faithful but there is nothing to hold on to

Answer 1

The only advice that I can give to you is to go and talk with a professional counselor. I mean this in all sincerity because you want to do what is right for you. I realize how hard it must be for you in wanting someone to hold you and make you feel needed. I am truly very sorry for what is missing in your life. Your question caused quite a conversation with me and my husband and we had along talk about what we would do if something were to happen to us this way. It would be very hard for us to allow us to be with someone else he would never want me to feel so alone as you. We are in our mid 50's and love each other very much and it would be a very difficult situation. I can only imagine how you must feel. Don't go with any answers that you get on here....that is why we decided that you needed the right advice in talking with someone to help you make that decision. We would not want you to suffer or feel guilty in your choice. I hope you can find the answer that is good for you and that everything works out for your best intrest. Best wishes and good luck sweetie.

Answer 2

This has to be your own decision. But I will tell you what I think. I have empathy for you, and credit you for caring for your husband. I am so sorry that he needs someone to care for him, and that he does not show you love in return.
I just asked a question about my marriage, you can read it to learn more about my situation if you like, and where I am coming from when I write to you. There was a time when I thought a relationship was the answer outside of our marriage. But, I know the pain and guilt that comes with it would never be worth being unfaithful. You cannot count on another man fulfilling your needs. Especially if he knows you are married. To him, you would be someone to him ONLY until someone better and not married comes along.
I know this seems unfair, doesn't it. Your husband cannot fulfill your needs for love and intimacy, so you have to live this way, without any love. And if you want love, you feel you have to go outside the marriage to get it. This is a tough one.
Remember your commitment to him when you married. And if you have to bring in a marriage counselor, then do it. Easier said than done, I know. I have been there. I am sure you are not the only one going thru this. Can you find a support group in yahoo groups? I feel for you. And I hope you make the right choice for YOU. I hope it won't end up hurting you or the man you are married to. Take care and I will pray for you. Prayer changes things, believe me. Prayer does work.

Answer 3

I definately think its possible, but thats only if your still in love. Cause if you are you probly wouldnt even be questioning it. I dont understand why he doesnt attempt or isnt intrested in other forms of affection. I mean you can come pretty close to sex by doing other things, or just the feeling of being close. Hell kissing my husband can be almost as good as the sex. It's possible I just think theres other things your not happy about and maybe trying to put the blame on this. Or maybe you could talk to him, I mean it sounds like he could be pretty depressed considering the circumstances and maybe you could get him to try and live alittel and maybe things will change. You know after suggesting it in a loving way you could kinda point out that you suggest he tries this or you dont think things are going to remain satisfactory to you. Good Luck Kim

Answer 4

I think it is. Someone very close to me was in a similar situation. She dated and found someone very special to her and enjoyed every minute of it. She said it was difficult though because she got a taste of what else was out there and then of course felt guilty, but also she didn't feel as connected to her husband. She loved him, but like yours, he was a medical mess and in a pain killer induced stupor - she was young and vibrant and needed to feel alive. Its still unresolved but things haven't been the same. Best of luck with whatever you decide, dont' let others nasty judgemental comments get you down. No one knows what it is like until they've walked a mile in your shoes. That road you have been on is a tough route.

Answer 5

YES! There are many reasons people quit having sex in marriage. This is the number 1 marriage killer in America today. it sounds like you still want to be around him so you sound pretty nice. i don't think you would have a problem meeting a guy and having a relationship. First you have to determine this is okay in your own mind. No sex 3 years, come on, I would be telling my wife to find somebody. but anyway, there are lots of married guys in sexless marriages as well. Get a good book on meeting and dating. Not some stupid one that teaches you things like, don't let him know you like him, and other dumb games. Something like...http://www.amazon.com/How-Make-Anyone-Fall-Love/dp/0809229897/ref=sr_1_1/103-1034754-8923801?ie=UTF8&s=books&qid=1179792033&sr=1-1
OR http://www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/tg/detail/-/0963508520/ref=ord_cart_shr/103-1034754-8923801?%5Fencoding=UTF8&m=ATVPDKIKX0DER&v=glance

I know I might get flamed for this kind of advice but i am just being real. And hey, when you have been through this you understand, and believe me, I understand!!!

Answer 6

I know that must be hard, but have you guy's tried foreplay or oral. because you cant have an affair . see how he feels and if it dosent work divorce is the last results. try role play or even some toys sexy conversation really helps me and leads to some activity. trust me if you love him it isnt worth a few minutes of pleasure . dont cheat him or yourself I am sure that he misses you as well. try talking .

Answer 7

If you were in a serious automobile accident and were injured, even paralyzed, and your husband, 7 years later has stayed with you, taken care of you, put up with your depression because you cannot function like a woman, and satisfy his needs as a man.... get the picture... Do I need to say more? Just in case you don't get the picture, how would you feel if you found out that this absolutely wonderful man, who has taken care of you, put up with your depression.... etc., goes out and has an affair?

Put yourself in his shoes.

Make the right decision.

Answer 8

It sounds like you love your husband, but miss the intimacy of sex. Why don't you talk to him about it? I bet he misses it as much as you do. There are 'swinging' couples all over the U.S. and plenty of websites you two could visit to find other couples who play sexually with others. Maybe he can't get it up, but maybe he wouldn't mind watching? There is more than one way to satisfy the kitten too. Is his tongue still there?

Answer 9

Sounds like you need to sit down with your husband and let him know how you feel. It's sad if you stay with him just cause you feel sorry for his condition. Maybe its time to move on.

Answer 10

if i were you I'd talk to my husband. explain to him how you feel. if he says no, reconsider not only the affair but also staying with him.
you are entitled to some happiness too. you are not only a care giver you are a person.