"Jill" and I have been friends and co-workers for 6 years. Today she approached me at lunch and looked distraught. She said she could not take it anymore and subsequently started crying and revealed that she has feelings for me. The one (good) wrinkle is that we are both in long term relationships and she said that she knew this. I really dont know what to say to her. I have been married for 10 years and she for 15 years. I do like Jill and she is an attractive woman...i dont know what to do...I want to stay married but i dont want to loose Jill as she is my friend.
2007-05-21 12:30:30 · 10 answers · asked by Dan 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Then in this case no action is the best action. Office romances are very dangerous and disasterous at best so just remain friends and forget the rest. Not worth the consequences here. You both have way too much to lose here. Let it die. Good luck
2007-05-21 12:36:17 · answer #1 · answered by Arthur W 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you love your wife and respect your marriage then I would say that it is best for you and "Jill" to keep your distance.
I can't imagine anyone significant other being ok with the fact that you have a friend that would like to be much more then friends. You also work with her and see her on a daily bases which doesn't help any.
If you must say something to her tell her you are "flattered" by her feelings but you are in love with your wife and your "friendship" with her is just that and it will never go any further.
You should also tell her that you feel the two of you should keep your distance for now and limit your interactions with each other. If you both used to go to lunch or that sort of thing together on a regular bases then I would stop.
If she says she just can't help her feelings for you and doesn't want to see you any less or can't handle it then I think it's best for you to put a stop to that "Friendship" even if that means loosing Jill as a friend or finding another job.
It may come down to the fact that you will have to choose what's more important to you, your marriage or your friendship!
2007-05-21 19:45:46 · answer #2 · answered by flygrl 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
That is for you and her to handle. All any of us can do is give you an opinion.
If you do not feel a love for her then explain to her that all you can be to her is a good friend.
But if there are feelings on both sides and it develops into a tryst, then both of your marriages are possibly forfeit.
It is rather commonplace for affections to crop up in the workplace, because in reality you probably spend more time there than at home.
Just keep in mind that a love tryst, with a co-worker, could not only jepordize your marriage, but your job as well.
2007-05-21 19:39:50 · answer #3 · answered by glenfine1952 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Listen these things happen all the time. It's up to you to persue it or put a stop to it. It depends on you really. You can cut her out as a friend not to be mean but to get a point across to her and then she will feel hurt for a while until she understands it was all for the best. Then you two can be friends again or you can get involved and hurt so many people around you and when things don't work out you will hate each other for messing up a long-term friendship. Just be honest with her and yourself.
2007-05-21 19:39:30 · answer #4 · answered by $TyLi$h 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You should let her that you just want to remain friends and do not want to get emotionally involved with her otherwise. It sounds like you still love your wife and want to keep your marriage so an affair should be out of the question. You should advise Jill to seek marriage counseling though, to find out if she wants to stay married or not. Maybe one of you should seek another job too.
2007-05-21 19:38:50 · answer #5 · answered by StrawberryShortcake 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
There should be no question about this,which one is more important to you,is it your wife or your friend. Shame on you for even questioning it.Isn't your wife your best friend.Tell your co-worker you are not going to mess up everything over a feeling that will go away as soon as she finds out that you put your pants on like everyone else does.
2007-05-21 19:50:38 · answer #6 · answered by Teenie 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Exactly..Keep Ur Friend And Ur Wife ..In Other Words Do The Right Thing...lmao..Its Easy Dude
2007-05-21 19:34:51 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Consider what will happen in your life if you go ahead and take things further. Are you happy in your marriage. Do you have kids? What about her marriage. Does she have kids?
If you start something with this woman, what if either of your spouses find out? Are you ready to move out of your family home if it all goes bad?
I suggest you take a long and honest look at your life before you do ANYTHING. Then, follow your heart.
2007-05-21 19:36:57 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
You might say, "Wow, I am so flattered to know how you feel about me. And I know it was difficult for you to share your feelings with me. As you know, I am committed to my wife and I'm not going to let this go any further than the already great friendship that it already is. I hope you'll join me in this."
2007-05-21 19:47:34 · answer #9 · answered by Brent 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I am glad to see other people in the world have the same problems. I did not reveal my crush but now I regret it. I felt something for him I never felt before and the scary thing is I may never again.
2007-05-21 22:55:18 · answer #10 · answered by kd 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋