My husband and I are an undeniable love match from two different cultures. I am a western girl from the US, my husband is Hindu from north of India. We love each other very much.
I know I may never truly be accepted by his modestly conservative parents, but I would like to try my very best to pay the most sincerest respects. What is the best way to pay respect to your in-laws, especially upon first meeting?
So far, I have learned to cook many traditional meals. I know I should greet my mother-in-law forehead to toes. I plan to present my father in-law with a well earned law degree. I also helped devise a plan to send money to my extended family on the monthly basis, and have written many letters of sponsorship and recommendation for various family members.
Are there any customs I should also observe?
2007-05-21 11:37:18 · 11 answers · asked by Alexis 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Honey u r a western fool!!
It's nice u r in luv and such but read back your lettah here....go on ...i'll wait....
k....now...this gy married u because u r a FINANCIAL MATCH!! U r a LAWYER!! U r smarter than that!! Lock up your purse. Put the degree back on the wall. Observe the custom of u r good enough w/o all the "trimmings". You r not a "walking Visa"
Put this guy to the test. You've been "had".
It is very romantic to have a nice "bollywood wedding"...I was caught up in that scene too...but it's not the real life. Your husband should be trying to impress YOUR parents!! That's it!! Just make a good & respectful meeting w/them. Times have changed.Dowry r a thing of the past. BTW...u did not HELP devise a financial plan ...YOU WERE THE FINANCIAL PLAN!!
Hugs from Farrah.
2007-05-21 14:15:00 · answer #1 · answered by Mee-OW =^..^= 7 · 3⤊ 1⤋
Whatever you have done is quite impressive.
Let me add some more tips here :
1)Impressing your mother-in-law is half battle won
2)You said they were conservative, so it means most of the time your mother-in-law will be spending in kitchen. So whenever she is in there try to be always with her and learn or at least watch what she is doing and how she is doing it.
3)Show your cooking skills. But dont cook better than your MIL(mother in law) sometimes this doesnt go well and sometimes this works wonder. Decide yourself how your MIL responds.
4)Always keep her engaged with you. Take about relatives. Ask her about her upbringing. ASk about Uncles, Aunts, etc etc..
5)Praise her for the good things she does.
All the above shud help you get a fair attention from your MIL.
Looks wise:
1) Make sure you dont wear shorts, mini's when they are around. Pls wear covered dresses.
2)Make sure you wear a bindi ( A red /black dot wore on forehead. I am sure your husband will help u out with this.)
3)You said you are married. Make sure that you wear the mangalsutra(Ask you husband about this )
Glad to help you out if more information needed.
Let me know how this goes for you !!
2007-05-24 11:56:56 · answer #2 · answered by Deepa 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
What has this guy done for u ... other than falling in love?
Did he say that his parents would be happy with all this or r u just over doing it?
No matter how conservative Indian parents are.... they dont expect so much especially from a western girl. So Chill girl.
I wouldnt do any of those .... No way !!
They have to accept u as who u really are. Seriously.... iam wondering whether u r really a westerner...
But if his parents really expect all this.... they r gonna expect more from u after marriage. It could be an endless journey. So make a choice... and do some thinking.
2007-05-21 22:28:14 · answer #3 · answered by DU 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I guess you would get along with them very well. There aren't any specific customs as such... you would get used to them slowly. If your in laws are good enough you need not worry about all these formalities.
Dietary habits are very important, try and learn them from your husband, Indians are very crazy about their dietary habits. Once you are an expert in this field other things would follow very easily.
Law degrees are not much of help to impress your in laws. Try and interact with them as much as you can... as we Indians are very talkative... and love talking.
Accept a bit of intereference in your personal life... intrusions in others life is acceptable and expected in India !!!! Things are changing slowly but still , if your in laws are having traditional mind set then you need to get used to it.
My best wishes for your future.... I am sure you are going to have a great one !!
2007-05-21 17:56:11 · answer #4 · answered by Abhijit 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Can't your husband help you with this? They probably already sense that you respect them.
Have a Hindu astrologer draw up a horoscope for you and a chart forecasting the best day for a Hindu wedding. They would want this anyway. The astrologer might say things you don't want to hear, but it's a chance you'll probably have to take. In general Americans have high status in India. It would be best to dress conservatively, to not smoke and to keep kisses between you private. Traditional Hindu wives walk behind their husbands, not arm in arm. It would be very good to avoid conversing about politics, but you could ask them lots of question about which god or goddess they worship (if any, they won't be offended by a question like this). Arriving with gifts is a universal winner, but not alcoholic!
2007-05-21 11:50:07 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 2⤋
Whatever you have done so far is your shear sincerity and enthusiasm and that is appreciable. I hope you are constantly in touch with your husband on this issue. He is the best guide.
In addition to that, you should look for someone, especially a female and preferably the younger sister of the guy to seek guidance & tips. Let me tell you that the younger generation is generally more receptive to such things and she shall be the person who knows your in-laws better.
GOOD LUCK!
2007-05-21 18:25:02 · answer #6 · answered by sharma.kulbhushan 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Get rid of the business deals.
You must value your own relationship more than trying to sacrifice yourself to earn their respect. If that's the case, they definitely need an Indian girl and not you. After they accomplish what they want, the honeymoon would be over soon. This is a fact of life. Wake up and face the reality.
Good luck in your educational persuit.
2007-05-21 15:27:57 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
I feel like a lot of those things are unacceptable for several reasons. I feel it is custom to know the do's and don'ts of their culture, but I wouldn't become accustom to their way of life. You should respect them and let them mett who their son feel in love with. They don't want meet an american assuming or portraying the image that she understands their culture. I also think it might be a bit offensive to assume that they want to eat only indonesian food. If they are taking a trip to the U.S., let them experience what U.S. has to offer. If you are visiting India, then just be up to date on wardrobe and other things that would be offensive to them. Then as a way of bonding, let the mother teach you or show you somethings about their culture. Plus, learn it first hand is always fun.
2007-05-21 11:50:00 · answer #8 · answered by flare_78942 2 · 1⤊ 1⤋
1, be yourself hon
2, dont worry
3, Say a Friendley Hello as you would others
4, Take your time & not worry, Bonding takes time
5, Your with Him, Not Them, Just Be Nice
6, Be Pleasent, Offer them Little things, Like Piece Of Candy, Gum, Mints,
7, When saying good by? say glad to meet you & Hope to see you again Orrr Your Own Wording.
2007-05-21 11:43:33 · answer #9 · answered by HELPING LADY 3 · 1⤊ 1⤋
come up dau'ter. i am an Indian mother in law and i love to have a dau'ter in law like u. do not worry. u ll be accepted.
2007-05-21 13:54:37 · answer #10 · answered by sexy grandmother 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋