My boyfriend says he want's me to marry him someday and have kids with him, I also want to marry and have kids, we are both 19, we both are going to college to get good, jobs, and going to have a family the right way, but the question is , how do I know if he's going to be faithful, and if I'm making the right choice, do you have any adive for me, I want my kids to have a great child hood like I never had, cause I went through the samething , when I was a kid, I need all the advice I can get? Thanks for all your help
2007-05-21 11:09:13 · 49 answers · asked by kitty 6 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Cause I'm afraid of being cheated on, and I'm having 2nd thoughts
2007-05-21 11:09:45 · update #1
Sorry if I spelt things wrong, I'm just haveing a really bad day
2007-05-21 11:10:54 · update #2
I know marrige is a big step, but how did you do to make sure your making a right choice
2007-05-21 11:12:58 · update #3
Well.....there is no way for you to *know* I guess....I mean...you should know....but apparently you have your doubts.
I KNOW that my husband isn't going to cheat on me....but that is because we are in love, and....I dunno.....I just know it will never happen. Unfortunately, you aren't that lucky.
Just stay with him....you aren't going to get anywhere worrying all the time. The two of you aren't even engaged yet, and you are already worried about your children?!?!?! come on...
Slow down, and just live life for now. Worry about your children when the time comes. Right now, just have fun with your relationship, and don't put a lot of stress on it. Concentrate on school, and everything will work out the way it is supposed to.
2007-05-21 11:15:14 · answer #1 · answered by jezyka 5 · 0⤊ 2⤋
First of all you both are super young! Why rush into a marriage. You are both starting off on the right track. You are both in college and have goals on getting good jobs that can turn into great careers. Why rush it? As for him cheating, that is hard to say..has he cheated on you during the two years you have been dating? If not, well then that is great.
One cannot tell if their significant other will cheat, that usually occurs when one or the other is bored in the relationship and is to immature to work it out, so he or she seek cheap thrills outside of the marriage.
A marriage is a huge step. You are putting too much on your plate (sort of speak), right now to be worrying about this. Take one step at a time. First, your goals should be to obtain the college degree in your area of study. Then, apply for a position that would become your career for the future. Gain some work experience and if you two are still together, focus on saving for your wedding, then if you both make enough money, get joint banking, savings, and checking accounts.
Establish good credit and maintain it. Then, think about purchasing a nice home, then consider having a child.
Thats is my advice to you, since you said that you want to do things the right way..and I believe that you are, just do not make quick, or rushed decisions that would affect your entire future.
Give your relationship a chance, see where it goes after you both graduate, then continue to follow your dreams. A family is nice, but use logic, be wise, and use tons of common sense...make sure you are ready for what you are asking for!
Wish you the best!
2007-05-28 13:27:39 · answer #2 · answered by cherrypopsickle2000 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Listen you are only 19 and by 'someday' I hope you mean after you go to college and get the good job you are looking. So that should take 5 yrs min. more like 7 in terms of real life. You are thinking about the future in a good way but let's get through the next few years and see if your goals/life stay the same. things may change once you expierence more of life. When you don't have to ask the question of 'are they going to cheat' or 'is this the person to raise children with' then you may have found the right person to do those types of things with. Good Luck
2007-05-21 11:16:20 · answer #3 · answered by skipymcgoo 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Well being married is a lot different then boyfriend/ girlfriend. Before I got married to my husband now, we lived together for at least a year. As far as being faithful, I think it helps if you both have a close and loving relationship, and are able to talk about anything, and I mean ANYTHING! There should be no secrets between you now, and if there is then you should have second thoughts. I would tell you to take your time, you two are still young, and have plenty of time to get married. Go to college, do what you need to do first, then see where the two of you are at, and what frame of mind you are both in. Good Luck
2007-05-28 21:43:01 · answer #4 · answered by Jilly 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
It's great that you both are being sensible with all this ( planning first and wanting the best for you and kids ), you say your not sure of the future, by the time you both are ready to marry, you will be...trust comes with being together and you both plan on having a long engagement while studying..put your worries aside for now, take life as it is and be happy and see what happens...married couples can go a life time being faithful but then sometimes "it " happens and one strays, as a couple you will work out why,how and if you both can survive it..so stop worrying about something that may never happen...
you both would have planned out how you feel about kids,their up bringing and such. i wish you all the best, your on the right track.
2007-05-29 04:04:52 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Well you wont know. Nothing is a guarantee in life not even in a marriage. This is why you get to know a person and don't just marry someone cause you want to be married or cause they ask. You have to really know this person and this takes time. Plus, sounds like you have trust issues you will be bringing into the marriage anyways. How about seeking some professional help to help address these issues so you wont have this luggage when you finally do say I do and you can have a more peaceful marriage. Trust me. Been there done that.
2007-05-21 11:14:49 · answer #6 · answered by beachgirl90 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Don't rush into anything . If you have doubts don't get married! Wait until you are sure. I got married with doubts and it was hell. Now I am married again and never had a moment of doubts and I am very happy. Why are you questioning if he will be faithful ? If you are questioning it then you definitely do not want to get married until you know with out a doubt that he won't. Marriage is very tough and takes a lot of work. You are young and have plenty of time for marriage and kids. For now enjoy life and get your education.
And remember the key to relationships is "Communication"!
Tell each other your thoughts, what bothers you ect. It makes a world of difference. I didn't the first time and you should learn from my mistakes.
2007-05-21 11:24:03 · answer #7 · answered by Wayne H 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I was with my husband for 5 years before we got married. You don't have to take that step right away. You are doing the right thing by waiting, because well you are in college. These days you have to have a good education to support a family and kids. It takes two in our house. If you are having doubts then you definitely need to think on it. If your relationship is strong then in a few years when you are ready then you will get married. You will know when its time.
2007-05-21 11:25:05 · answer #8 · answered by stumomteach 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
If we all worried about being cheated on,no one would be married today.If you go by % then the odds are you will be cheated on .If you look around at all the married people you no or seen in your life and went by that then you won't marry.The over all view of marriage isn't good lets face it,but we need it.We all go in with good intentions but somewhere along the way we start to feel sorry for ourselves,
thinking we deserve better then this.We stop thinking of our family and only of our own happiness. It's like this, you see someone you like to meet, you then go out on a couple of dates then comes the sex.For the next six or so months you can't keep your hands off of each other,now this is where you think you love each other so you start to think of marriage.The woman's feelings are always stronger then the man. She just knows this is the one she wants to spend the rest of her life with, all he wants is more sex.This is where he starts to cheat on her.Lady's if we only knew how many times our then boyfriends has cheated on us you wouldn't be with them now .In his mind he was aloud after all you were not married yet.90 % of all men cheat before during and after marriage that's the way it is and always will be.If your not sure of him or marriage just read some books on the subject i guaranteed you will have a rude awakening about men.
2007-05-21 11:53:22 · answer #9 · answered by Teenie 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I got married at a young age (18) I got pregnant with my first born 3 months before I turned 18, and I'm now 22 and I wish I would've done things way differently. Wait until you finish college and get good jobs and see if he can handle dating for that long. And you know what your kids deserve a good life so if it's meant to be you'll know without any second guessing.
2007-05-29 08:58:55 · answer #10 · answered by vanessa m 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
There are no guarantees in life or love that everything will turn out the way we would like them to. But that also doesnt mean that what happened in the past will repeat itself in the future. We cannot live our lifes according to something that happened in the past or we will experience life to its fullest. Your best bet of a marriage survival is to get married after college is over. Only God knows the ansers to your questions, but the more time spent with this person the better you wll know him and trust him but again there are no guarantees that he wont cheat on you. All you can do is your best so he wont want to. Good luck
2007-05-21 11:19:42 · answer #11 · answered by Arthur W 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋