I'm married 6years 2 children and in love with another man?

Question

I dont know what to do or how I let this happen. I know what is right for our family but how do I get over the other man. My hubby is always working I'm always alone with my two kids I feel like he doesnt love me but he says he does I'm young and dont want to be unhappy for the rest of my life. I cant imagine my husband with another woman, my kids around another woman, but I also cant imagine not being able to talk to the other man or let him go. It started out just an infatiuation but now I feel completely in love like I used to be with my husband I feel like we are meant to be together.. He is not pressuring me to divorce we remain friends until I decide what to do and no we have not been intimate just an emotional relationship. I cant imagine putting my kids through a divorce. I just dont know what to do.......

Answer 1

You know what? It's so easy to fall for another person when you are spending so much time away from your spouse, when you fall into the montony of every day married life with kids, working, housework, paying bills, etc. When you meet someone who is new and refreshing, someone who hasn't heard all of your stories and jokes, someone who praises you and makes you feel good about yourself when you are feeling maybe taken advantage of or unappreciated at home. But I assure you, the grass is not always greener. If you end things with your husband for this other man, you may soon find your self slipping back into the same relationship you had with your husband with this new person - just because the excitement of the start of a new relationship has faded. Do the right thing, remain with your husband and family. Maybe talk to your husband about how you are feeling (NOT ABOUT THE OTHER MAN) and even take it to a counselor. But first and foremost, you need to end it with this other guy. I know it sounds hard and its not the answer you want to hear, but it is important for you to cut any and all ties with this temptation. Do it for your husband, do it for your children, most importantly do it for yourself.

I wish you luck in making the right decision.

Answer 2

Your husband is working hard to provide for you and your children and feels that this is how to show you how much he loves you. Most men don't understand that women still need that emotional connection - they still want their man to pay attention to them, do something just for them, think of them with flowers or a love note, just all the things they did when you first met and started dating. He made you feel like you were very special and you miss that and so you are looking for it somewhere else.

Your husband needs to feel respected. I think I would start by telling him how much you respect and appreciate how hard he works to provide for your family and that he is doing a good job. I would then say that while the money is wonderful, it doesn't replace him and that you wanted to set up a weekly date night for just you and him and also would like to spend 10 minutes a day just cuddling and talking without kids around, the tv on, or him looking at a newspaper or computer - just his undivided attention. Let him know that you need that in order to feel good about the marriage. Use all "I" statements so he doesn't feel like he is being attacked.

Quit talking to this other guy - until the marriage is resolved one way or another - it is wrong and you are able to stop it and you don't need any more complications right now. Focus on your husband and family and put into the marriage what you want to get back. He wants to feel appreciated and so do you. Be humble and make the first moves.

Answer 3

Hi, other than your hubby wrking all day do you guys have any time together?? If so, why don't you try talking to him let him know how you feel. (don't tell him anything yet) just talk if you feel you can't get anywhere with just talking than right there is your #1 problem. I can tell u communication is the key.. and that's probably why your falling out of luv with hubby, & in luv with this other person.. he is giving u attention and see that's your hunger and your weakness. Please don't do something you'll regret later truley stop and think before hurting anyone by blurting out what your doing just tell your husband " I really fell lonely at times, I feel like i don't have you r full attention I need to know what u really feel in there, life can't just be work,
home and kids don't forget i'm here for you but I don't feel you." If no response than you just need to be blunt and say the reason i'm bringing this up is because .............. whatever you want to say. don't insult nor yell, it will get u no where.. trust me.. I went through the same thing fortunitly I talked and it's like we bunded again I also have 2 kids 5yrs and 7 yrs. they were much younger at the time it took lots of patientance,and true heart..

Answer 4

Have you tried couples' therapy with your husband? Does your husband know you are having feelings elsewhere? It isn't fair to your husband to be having emotional intimacies with another man. Love changes, grows, evolves and isn't necessarily always a constant stream of infatuation. Marriage is a verb, not a noun. If you know that you could never be happy or love your husband again, then you should let him go. If you are truly in love with this other man and can't imagine your life without him, then maybe you should leave. You're in a very tough spot. Children are also very smart and even though they may not understand what is going on with Mommy and Daddy, they know when things aren't right. Best of luck.

Answer 5

don't be so hard on yourself, I'm sure you didn't let this happen purposely, sometimes things happen that are out of your control. Sometimes the love of your life and your soul-mate are two different people and as painful as it is you are going to have to choose. An emotional affair is still an affair and you should be completely honest about your feelings for another man with your husband. You have to consider yourself and your feelings before anyone else, would your kids rather have a happy mom, or an unhappy mom? When you are unhappy it's very hard to get yourself out of bed let alone raise two children to be happy capable people.

Answer 6

You can't be unhappy because you have two kids.

What you feel right now about that other guy is not love, its just a diversion of your feeling from being lonely.

Be happy your husband is working very hard for your family. You have no proof of him having an affair, and you have no right of accusing him with one because it will create an argument that will lead to a divorce, unless you really like that to happen to be with the other guy, and that's very selfish of you. Are You thinking straight? You'll sacrifice you're children's happiness for you're own false happiness.

Instead of you talking to a new guy and building relationship with him, why can't you build a better relationship with your husband.

What you must do is make an effort to resolve this with your husband, always be beautiful for him and give additional care and re-activate your sex life, cook for her, prepare his clothes, give love messages, always say I LOVE YOU while showing him that you do.

And for that new guy...STOP IT!
no communications, no meetings, and definitely no sex.

You cannot do best with your husband while there's someone waiting in line. Your husband loves you and you can't seen it beacuse you're being blinded by your selfishness. You are very lucky you're to young and to early for you to make a better wife and a loving mother. When time comes and still unfortunate things happened, You can proudly tell this to yourself...I really did everything I could.

Your children, even they are young, they see and hear things, things that they will bring while they're growing up.

Pray because GOD really helps.


NO GOOD MOTHER CAN LEAVE HER FAMILY FOR HER OWN HAPPINESS.

Answer 7

Remember you felt the same way toward your husband.Think
back when the two of you fell in love did you ever think you would fall out of love and in love with another man.Feelings come and go,what would you do if your husband told you he doesn't love you anymore because he is in love with another woman.Would your heart be broken or would you be happy for him.What is most important here are your children not your
happiness or your husbands happiness but your kids.You are willing to mess up your children's life so you can be in a
relationship that will not last, all thought you think it will last for ever.I have read book after book on this subject and every single book says the same thing,when the thrill is gone he is gone and you will be left with nothing.You better think about that real hard.

Answer 8

It sounds more like being in love with the idea of being in love again. You need to find a way to rekindle the flame with your husband. Obviously you love him or you wouldn't be worried about him being with someone else. Too many people end marriages because they are bored, and it's truly sad. I would be the first to tell you to leave if he was abusing you or your children, but in this case I would never turn my back on my husband for ignoring me by working. You answered your own question when you said you were young. I mean this in the nicest way, you need to grow up and realise that marriage is a give and take situation. It's up to you to keep your marriage new and exciting. Never look outside of that bond for a solution. The grass is not always greener on the other side.

Answer 9

Staying in your marriage when you're unhappy would be worse for the kids. Of course a divorce is not fun for them but they will eventually realize that you two are better apart than together. If you truely love the other man then maybe you should try having a relationship with him...after you and your husband split of course.

Answer 10

I suggest you keep this other relationship a friendship. You mention that you feel for this man what you used to feel towards your husband. The thing is those romantic feelings tend to dim as soon as you settle in to the kids and home life...this will only happen again when you spend another 6 years with this man. If he realy cares about you and you care about you keep the friendship you have but do not let it cross into infidelity if that will hurt your marriage. Good luck.