A man Opinoin.... if you wife cheated would you forgive??

Question

Our marriage was on the worst time it was always arguements & fights call things to each other around that time she cheated on me, b4 i found out about it i started to do everything to fix our marriage to get her love back, my marriage was getting better & better we started going to church, & counseling, & just when i though our marriage was going to work i found out that she cheated months before. i really love her but i dont think i can forgive her. we have a 3yr old son together & i would like to give it a chance but i always think of it when i see her i'm not sure if i should give her a chance or not she said she was drunk & mad at me & our relationship was bad, that she is sorry that she promise me she will never do anything again that she would be the best wife if i give her a chance. and i would like to because i still love her & because our son, but than again i dont want to be close to her cuz i get mad when i remember. if you a man and been thru this give me you opinion.

Answer 1

Cheating is a very selfish act.
To make up for it she will have to perform many selfless acts.
It doesn't matter what she says. Its what she does that counts.

Answer 2

I have been in a very similar situation except I was the one being cheated on and it was much longer than a one night stand. In my opinion, if she is remorseful, if she is willing to do what it takes to regain your trust, (ie letting you see her cell phone, calling when she is out, etc...), if she has cut off all communication with this man, and if you are having any doubts about ending this marriage, I would strongly urge you to try to work this out.

You just found out recently, its a shocker I am sure. And you are right, there are no excuses for her behavior. But if she is willing to do what it takes to make your marriage work, and you are willing to try to forgive, with both of you understanding that it is not going to be a quick fix, but instead, a marathon, why not give it a try? I would seriously consider finding a new counselor and seeing him both on an individual basis and with couples. I thinkt hat having some accountability to a counselor, not to mention a clear guideline for moving forward presented by a counselor, would definitely be a good start.

Since you have a child together, since you are say you love her, I think it would be best to give it your best shot. Afterall, you wouldn't want to have any regrets. I would try one more time, at least then you can say you tried your best and it just wouldn't work. If she is not willing to cooperate, than you will know in your heart it wasn't meant to be.

Take care and best of luck!

Answer 3

Wow! I have been through this a couple of times. Before you found out that she cheated, you were willing to do anything to get your marriage back because of all of the reasons that HAVE NOT changed. The only difference is that you know she cheated. Think about this- It was a 1 night stand. It only happened once. She made the guy wear a condom so really he doesn't know what your wife "feels" like. She doesn't want things to be over and knows that she will have to make some adjustments including giving you time to forgive. The truth is that you love her. You don't want to break up your family. She is beating herself up far worse than you ever could. regardless of what you ever do, you can't change what happened. If you stay, she will never have reason to question your committment to her and your family. All the other guy got was skin... her heart and emotions belong to you. It is definately a difficult and painful decision to make, but the real spirit of your role as a husband is about self sacrifice. The image of her and another man, may realistically never go away completely, but the pain of it will fade. She is going to do all that she can to help that happen. This does not have to end your marriage. You are however, going to have to MAKE A DECISION that you are going to stay. Once that decision is made, move on to the next decision. Come on, you are a man! You know that once we make up our mind that we ARE going to do something...nothing short of death stops us. So decide to stay, then stay! If you decide that you can't stay, just count the cost of leaving- child time, support, alimony, ect. Again, I know that it ain't an easy decision but if you love your wife, commit to staying and then stay! If she does it again though....cut her up, grill her and serve her to the neighbors. No body...No conviction! Good Luck!

Answer 4

I think if you were having problems before you were probably driving each other away. Which may have caused her to cheat on you before things started getting better. I think it is possible to forgive her but you will never forget and it may be too much to get past. This could start causing problems for you later.

Answer 5

In your heart you will know whether to forgive her or not. But if you decide to forgive your wife, bear in mind that you must completely forget about her being unfaithful to you. If you keep on remembering that, you will torment yourself, your wife and most of all your kid. Life after cheating is only possible if you pretend it had never happened. For the sake of your mental health

Answer 6

one needs to look at a person's actions both before and after that cheating event. before she cheated, i'm sure that you also made it very difficult for her to live with you as well as her doing the same for you. the "It takes two to tango" chiche'. however, since then, and i'm sure that she has picked up on the fact that you are, to some degree, with holding your love for her to punish her a bit as well as out of being hurt by her, she most likely has reprioritized your relationship and found that the troubles that came before don't matter anymore for the sake of moving on both for each other and for your child.

this is all very easily said, i know, but i also am still in a marriage where my spouse cheated on me. the key was to be honest in and outside of your counseling sessions with each other and to say exactly what's on your mind as far as where you would like to see the relationship end up, or if it should just end. also, children are very resilient and can handle a divorce if it comes to that, but it's very important that they are in an environment where both of the parents are happy in their seperate and shared phases of life.

hope this helps a bit.

Answer 7

I am a woman, but I know my husband would never forgive me if I cheated and I would not forgive him.

Being drunk is not an excuse to cheat! Being mad at you is not an excuse to cheat!

She cheated because your feelings did not mean anything to her. She does not love or respect you. If she did, she would not have cheated! She is using your son to get you to forgive her. You can still be a father without being married to a cheater.

Answer 8

At first I thought I could forgive and forget. Instead I felt justified when I left her for another woman. I eventually forgave her but I never forgot. Infidelity is my one and only complete deal breaker. There are no second chances with any woman that would do that knowing how much it hurts the other person.

Answer 9

It happened to me, and a leopard can't change it's spots.

HOWEVER

A friend of mine found out that his wife was cheating with his cousin's husband, for years.

And he forgave her, A bigger and better man than I.

You have to search your own heart and soul, you need to go to a counselor for yourself, to get the tools to work through it, if you really want to try.

Hope this helps

Answer 10

you should forgive her, its going to be really hard to forget about it if things are better like you said just work on it to be greater than ever. If she really love you and you love her things can be fine.