Hello, I am looking for some solid advice. I have been married for eight years, and I have two children. Recently I have had contact with my old boyfriend whom I dated through the late 80's and 90's. He cheated on me and I had to leave. Time went on and I met a very nice man. We also dated in the 90's. Needless to say I love my husband but the excitement has gone away. My old boyfriend is full of life and fun. He hurt me in the past but he is my one true love. My husband has never hurt me on purpose. At the same time I have a battle with my heart and mind. I know it is wrong but I can't stop thinking about the fun we had about twenty years ago. His mother passed and we have reconnected through the telephone. I went to the funeral and those old feelings came out of know where. My intentions weren't to catch feelings for him. Now we talk and he wants me to come see him. I am scared to go see him because I know what will and can happen. I just don't want to hurt anyone.
2007-05-21 08:38:38 · 26 answers · asked by K-LO 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
I agree with most of the other answers....Don't do it!
Right now, your ex is feeling sad because of his mother's death. It's normal that he feels you are there for him, as a comfort blanket, but don't be fooled. This is a temporary thing, and he will hurt you again if you let him.
Remember the saying..." If you play with fire, sooner or later you will get burned!" Think about all the things you will put in jeopardy if you give in to this feeling: your husband and kids will suffer enormously; your marriage might end, you will have a terrible feeling of guilt to deal with- and on top of that, there is no guarantee that you will actually be happy...!
Exes are exes for a good reason, honey. Time makes us see things in a different light; but chances are this man is the same man who hurt you a long time ago.....So what are you doing, even considering meeting him???
You know as well as we do that if you decide to meet with him, chances are you will sleep with him and then you will be in A LOT of stress...! If you don't want to hurt anyone - starting with yourself- avoid all contact with this man and ask him firmly to stop contacting you. If he continues to pursue you, don't answer him. He knows you are battling right now, and he knows you well. He will continue to be hanging around until you finally decide to meet him...SO DON'T.
Just remember that you are married, that you made vows in front of God and your husband, and that this is a passing fancy.
Try to imagine things differently: How would YOU feel if your husband was in this situation? Would you expect him to say NO to an ex-flame of his or to give in to temptation? And if he cheated on you, would you forgive him?
Take it from there......Good luck!
2007-05-21 09:12:43 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Don't cheat...It's just curiosity on your part, in the long run you will lose more then you'll realized. It's always nice to hear and feel those untouched feeling. The feeling that has been forgotten through our daily busy lives. Before you really go through with this, sit back and think about it. Ask yourself, what fulfillment would you get out of it, beside the fire a and satisfaction of longing for one another through the years of absence. But then think about what you would have lost with your husband. Could you really with yourself after the fact. If the answer is yes, then cheat. If not, don't mention it. It will be your own little secret. Remember, you can also keep him as your friend, and remember why you left him in the first place. Just don't let history repeat itself. It sounds like you have a good thing going with you husband. Don't let life get the better of you. Set some time aside to rekindle those flame that you once had and the reason why you married him in the first place. Good luck....
2007-05-21 15:58:49 · answer #2 · answered by qasizan 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
From a religious standpoint, there's no debate. Even without the religion though, it's important to know that cheating on a spouse creates an enormous amount of damage to the relationship. Unless you and your husband are completely comfortable with each other running around and sleeping with whoever, huge problems will arise. From the sound of it, your husband and your family would suffer greatly. Even if you could cheat, get away with it, and then tuck your feelings of guilt deep inside... things just 'won't be the same' between you and your husband. And if guilt wouldn't be a problem for you, things still won't be the same.
You made a vow to your husband and he to you: "You & me; me & you - no one else in this relationship." The relationship that can exist between a husband and a wife is indescribable. But it can be blown - completely. And if it's blown with him, it'll be blown with the children too. In a world where it's difficult to trust very many people, it's comforting to know that you can at least trust your mate. If that trust is blown - things will seldom be the same again.
If you are committed to you husband and family, you need to make that very clear to your old friend. And if you're afraid of how you might act if you were to get together, you had better not get together. Unless, you're willing to risk what you have.
Very thin ice....
2007-05-21 15:51:34 · answer #3 · answered by Jeremy 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Sure if you don't care about your husband or your children! This ex boyfriend has cheated on you and now he wants to cheat with you, oh he is such a great man.
Is he worth throwing away your husband and children for? If you cheat, you deserve him!
There is nothing wrong with your husband other than you think the grass is greener on the other side of the fence! The problem is YOU! You are looking to cheat! Get over yourself. Grow up and be a mother and a wife, not a *****!
2007-05-21 15:45:25 · answer #4 · answered by QT 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You said it, you know this is wrong. Wrong for what it will do to a man who has never hurt you on purpose and his children. I can honestly say that about my husband, but how many other women could? Not very many I think. Tell the old flame that he is never to contact you again, despite your emotions for him you have a responsibility to your husband and kids. You need to be honest with the nice man who calls you wife, and let him help you to make a good choice here.
2007-05-21 15:48:01 · answer #5 · answered by Jean H 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Hi. This is a "no sh**er" because I don't fluff it up. There is a term for women who are married, with a husband and kids who run off with the old boyfriend... It is Whore. Do you want to be the whore? When you get that feeling in your gut that you want to f*** this old boyfriend, remember that your husband will get the house, the cars, and the kids. You will live in the trailer park with the boyfriend who you didn't realise has HIV and is a herroin addict! WAKE UP!!!! This is not romantic, this is f***ing around on your husband. This is grounds for divorce. You do this and you are a tramp. You do not deserve to have your children in your life and you should just go out on the street corner and pick up Johns.
2007-05-21 15:56:39 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
He is looking for comfort in you because his mother passed away. Don't get involved with him, especially not right now. If you are saying he is your "one true love" then I suggest you seek counceling as to how to make your marriage even work since you don't think your own husband is the one. You have a family and that should be your first priority. If you decide to be with this guy it needs to be instead of your husband. You should be completely divorced before you start seeing your old flame.
2007-05-21 15:46:55 · answer #7 · answered by feenixsunshine 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
KLO, I would try to redirect your feelings and rediscover and the passion for your husband. Granted, it will take a lot of work and time, but you have 8 years and 2 kids invested in your marriage. Take the time to work things out. If after that time you and your husband can not work things out, then you need to consider divorce. However, do not just jump into the arms of an old lover.
2007-05-21 15:47:49 · answer #8 · answered by Scott O 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
It is not wise to cheat. You need to capture the love you once had for your husband and work on your marriage. That old flame cheated on you before. You love the thought of him and probably have built him up to unrealistic goals. Why throw your marriage away for one intense night of passion? I think you should forget about the old flame and connect with your husband. And you WILL hurt your husband, so leave the old flame alone. Quit with him while you're still ahead.
2007-05-21 15:52:39 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Ask yourself if you can deal with the consequences of getting caught. Divorce, heartbreak, loss of trust, heartbroken children, custody battles, moving, dating all over again, legal $$$$, children divided between homes.
Is one night with an ex... really worth it? Remember that you will never really be able to hide your infidelity if you go forward with it. He will know... just like you would.
Imagine if he was rekindling things with an old sexy flame he knew before you and was thinking about making love to her... not you...
I say you take the time to invest the energy you've already spent on this on your marriage and your husband... the outcome could be wonderful!
2007-05-21 15:56:41 · answer #10 · answered by Hot Wife&Mom 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋