I just broke up with my boyfriend of a year and a half. We are extremely different in ages - he's 30 and I'm 20. He wants to settle down and be comfortable, but I want to explore life - travel, meet new people, go to university, etc. - and while I understand his needs, I unfortunately can't meet them. I'd love to, but not right now. It's better for both of us. Unfortunately, I make a very common but very bad habit of losing many friends when I'm with someone. I'm trying to mend old friendships and meet new people, but my social skills have really, reeeally gone downhill. I feel like I'm putting people out when I call them, or feel anxious and nervous just when a female friend hugs me. So how can I make new friends, but importantly, how do YOU manage to KEEP them? I've found it very hard, as they're normally busy with their OWN friends, working lots, etc. I'm trying to build myself a new lifestyle. Do any of you have advice for me?
2007-05-21 08:16:30 · 13 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Other - Family & Relationships
It almost sounds like you are depressed over your break up....maybe you can have what it is you are looking for while maintaining your relationship with your boyfriend. Perhaps that is the way to hold onto your friends you make and loose anymore......wishing you the best.
2007-05-21 08:22:06 · answer #1 · answered by shellybear0925 3 · 0⤊ 1⤋
I kinda did the same thing. Im 22 and I kinda neglected my friends when I was in a relationship and when that ended I had nothing. My best advice is find a friend a friend or 2 and build up your friendship again. And when you have a boyfriend don't neglect your friends. Friends are a healthy part of life and you need them. I know it gets to that point where you wanna spend all your time with him, thats good but you need to be with your friends sometime during that relationship. Plus it keeps you away from you boyfriend and makes you wanna see him more. Your not putting people out by calling them. Tell your friends that your sorry. Tell them how you feel. And for your social skills, they will come back but it will take time. I know its hard but be strong and everything will work out. Hope this helps :)
2007-05-21 08:27:03 · answer #2 · answered by caii_it_karma 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
This is a tough one.
First off you were right in breaking up, if he wants one thing and you want another thing it's hard to get two paralell roads going in oposite directions to meet.
It's best hun, and you will find a guy who will meet you on that road and you both will have the same desires and goals.
Now as for friends. This is a BIG mistake that people make when they start dating. They begin to focus all their attention on their partner and push their friends away or all they talk about when they are with friends is their partner. This is so annoying.
So next time you have a boyfriend try hard to have a life away from him wih your friends. Think about what you and your friends like to do together and then do that with them without taking your boyfriend with you or talking about him the whole time.
Now there has to be balance. You need to have some friends that are just yours and he needs to have some friends that are just his. Then it's a good idea to have some mutual friends that are both your friends like couples so that you can go out with couples these are the good ones to talk about the relationship with and while the guys are hanging out the girls can vent about how annoying their BF's are.
The key is to balance out everything so that it's healthy.
Now that you've pushed your friends away it's a good idea to explain to them how bad you feel and how much you realise that it was wrong then make sure NEVER to do that again.
Some will accept and be yoru friend some might not. Don't be on the search for friends just be open to them you'll make some new ones. But being to needy or pushy will turn people off.
Here is an article I wrote on getting over a break up hope it helps
http://www.associatedcontent.com/article/235388/how_to_get_over_a_breakup.html
Just remember never loose your friends over a guy, guys may come and go but friends are for good.
2007-05-21 09:36:32 · answer #3 · answered by *Sbaby* 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Believe it or not you are normal! When you are shy it is hard to put yourself out there and meet people. My daughter has the same problem (she's 12). Have you looked into after school clubs or programs to see if any of those interest you? Sometimes you just have to take a deep breath and jump into a conversation. As for no bf, don't worry about it, it will come in time, you will find someone to appreciate you, you don't need to tell them you have never had a bf or been kissed, it's none of thier business. If pushed tell them you are looking more for a quality relationship. Don't be too eager to grow up, you have years ahead of you for that. Have strength!
2016-04-01 00:51:23 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
All relationships need time and attention. Being in contact with your friends is necessary, even when you have a boyfriend.
What is happening to you is not uncommon. Many people focus on their SO totally and forget about their friends, and when they break up they realize that they are alone.....
Try joining a club or taking up a hobby. You could meet new people there. Try to re-connect with your old friends, too. Apologize for your behaviour and ask them to meet you so you aren't so lonely anymore. Good luck!
2007-05-21 08:57:04 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Friendship comes from the heart, not from an answer in yahoo answers.
It's sad to know that you forget your friends when you're in a relationship. If you love your friends, then you ought to remember them. Coming back to them once you need them and dumping them when you don't is sign that you are sadly too self centered.
2007-05-21 08:20:18 · answer #6 · answered by ff9_terra 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
This is going to be shot down in a second as useless advice. But since you're the only one that's....... you, then other people can't really answer this question, well... they could, but the best way is generally to figure out things on your own.
2007-05-21 08:21:16 · answer #7 · answered by ruthaford_jive 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
lisen is the only way i can think to help u. i also have very little friends as well, but there are good ones. i lisen to them and talk to them- doesn't matter what. guys in general will come and go, but friends. everyone nits at list one good friends. a woman nits another woman "lets face it no man can ever be a woman "
2007-05-21 08:37:35 · answer #8 · answered by anahi 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sweetie, First of all don"t go back, you re two very different people who need to take their own path ! Find people who shares your attitude on life, your hobbies,your interests !
2007-05-21 08:35:18 · answer #9 · answered by lonewolf 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
start making new friends through people network like myspace, xanga or hi5...it works believe me.
2007-05-21 08:27:35 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋