For the last 6 years shes been on and off with other men. lying and dening through marriage counseling and me with no proof. when just recently she has admitted to one affair 6 yrs ago. she refuses to leave and uses our children and religeous belief as a tool of manipulation, down playing the destruction of our relationship, never willing to admit full responsibily for her actions. My fear is that the courts will see things in their libral turnstyle heartless way leaving my children without the only house theyve ever known and in dire financial straits. but I shouldnt have to be forced to live with a cheating lying self righteous manipulating coward. Financially I'm unable to move out nor do I believe I should. However she has a place to go thats close by yet refuses. I've even conceeded to allowing her the option of seeing the children anytime. How can I fight against a system that rewards a woman like this? How do I protect my childrens' emotional and finacial well being?
2007-05-21 07:42:15 · 33 answers · asked by toutsjoursfidele 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
So you hounded her until she 'confessed' to a six years past affair. Have you considered that you haven't shouldered any of the 'fault' in this? You sound selfish and that's a shame. If your concern is really with the kids then have the amount of the house payment deducted from the child support. You are 'conceding her' the right to see her children?
Let me tell you something, you may have driven her over the edge with your endless suspicion, that's been know to drive women into the arms of men they never would have messed with because they figured they are being blamed anyway, so they might as well find a sympathetic man.
You protect your kids by seeing a psychologist yourself. Your anger will not allow for a stable upbringing. Calling her names isn't the way to pave a sensible separation.
2007-05-21 07:56:19 · answer #1 · answered by justa 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Good luck bro. I went thru the same thing 14 years ago. I however ended up with my children. My advice would be, if there is gonna be a filing for a divorce, do it 1st. The lawyer will generally know who the best judge for a man in this case is. You might want to just try talking to a lawyer too and see what there stand is on the situation. And for you childrens emotional well being, any divorce affects a child nothing can be done about that, but whatever happens YOU never speak bad about there mother with them present. Again, best of luck bro.
2007-05-21 07:50:47 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Fill out a separation agreement and restraining order. When that is filled out, call the police and they will escort her off the property. Then comes the court hearing. What choice do you have?
I received custody in the most unlikely place: Alabama. Don't sell yourself short if you have reason. But an affair 6 years ago. I don't know if the courts will give you custody based on that. Does she sell drugs? That's always a good one. If she's not folling around now maybe you should keep up with the counseling. I know it's hard knowing what she did before. It's so hard to trust again.
2007-05-21 07:48:32 · answer #3 · answered by madbaldscotsman 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
The courts won't give a rat's buttocks about an old affair. Unless you have current proof , you can only hope for the best in court where it's her word against yours. If you think she is cheating now, it would be wise to hire a PI for a couple of weeks. If she's cheating, she would be going to him within that time frame. Right now, if you file for divorce, she could get the house and the kids. And you are right on.....the courts need to not just assume a woman should have the house and kids, too.
2007-05-21 09:13:56 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
First of all, the system is not entirely bad as you assume. It does not "reward" women and "punish" men. Most likely if you file for divorce, the courts will award you joint custody of the children. There is no reason why they would not. If they award you sole custody, then she will pay child support. The courts may or may not take into consideration that your wife is cheating, most likely not because it is speculation unless she admits to it in open court. I think it is in your best interests to divorce this woman. Obviously, counseling is not working. In the long run, it will be better for you and your children not to be exposed to the actions of your wife. If you are a good, caring father, the courts will not punish you for that.
2007-05-21 07:48:52 · answer #5 · answered by wenchiepirategirl 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
First off do your best to get evidence to support your wife's infidelities. These will pay bigger dividends in court when seeking divorce, full custody, etc. I totally understand your frustration with the courts especially having a manipulative cheating harpy of a wife. Don't wait, divorce her and move on. You're doing nothing but continuing her cycle of deceit. You and your kids deserve more. Make it legal and you wont have to put up with her **** anymore. Just so you know sometimes cheating spouses are slapped on the wrist by the court, and you can even file to keep the house for you and your kids, assuming she'll get her half when you actually sell it.
2007-05-21 07:47:26 · answer #6 · answered by jay k 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I know how you feel. I've conceded to just dealing with it because I too can't afford to go anywhere and I also don't think there's a man out there who would want someone with four kids. Anyway, if you have proof that she's cheating, you have a good job, you pay the mortgage/rent, and you file for the divorce the courts may very well side with you. I know 4 men off the top of my head that have physical custody of their kids because their wife was fooling around and not being responsible. I'm in California too. If your name is on the house and you have a job go for physical custody of the kids and joint legal custody.
Protect your kids by spending lots of quality time with them. Make sure they know how much you love them and never talk bad about her to them. Don't shuffle them off to grandparents even though that sounds like good advice at first. The kids will very likely feel like you both are abandoning them and they will never forget that feeling. I never have.
Good luck!
2007-05-21 07:52:25 · answer #7 · answered by fourzenuff 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Is California a community state? Do you have to divide assets in the event of a divorce? Do you have the resources to give her an equal share of any equity in your home? If not, you may need to sell your home in a divorce anyway. Are there any grandparents that the kids could stay with while you two try and sort out your options. These times are always hard and even harder on the kids.
2007-05-21 07:51:14 · answer #8 · answered by aquaman 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sounds like you want your children but not her. I don't know what California is like but I live in a no fault state. Unless she agrees to or is proven unfit you probably won't get the children right away. Have faith if this is what is really best though. I am female but have seen men more and more that are the custodial parents. They really do just as good or better than the mother. Hopefully she will just decide to leave. Sadly it sounds like it would be better for all of you. Good luck.
2007-05-21 07:50:51 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
You need to do two things today - consult an attorney and hire a detective.
You will also need to know that no matter what happens, some people will like you, some will hate you and some won't care. What is important is that you do what is right by your kids. You need to maintain a healthy relationship with your children, that is what matters.
This will take courage to do, good luck. I am in the same situation, except my wife is abusive in different ways and uses religion as a weapon.
2007-05-21 07:50:58 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋