together. it's putting a strain on our relationship.
i've made efforts to stop doing some of the things that annoy him and cause some of the arguments, but he's not making the same effort as me. Any ideas how we can avoid or get around this? as we really don't wanna split up coz we're so in love with each other!
2007-05-21 07:31:35 · 20 answers · asked by Miss Tickle 4 in Family & Relationships ➔ Other - Family & Relationships
thanks for your answers everyone, i appreciate the comments and advice most of it has helped me clarify things. babygirl and babeheart i agree with all what you both say....
2007-05-22 07:20:31 · update #1
The key to this is talking about it as much as necessary, and continuing working together at fixing it. Also notice anything that is bothering you/him that could be straining you. I know that my girlfriend and I argue sometimes and it tends to come from one of us getting to emotional or me mostly getting very upset and such, and it tends to come from other issues we're dealing with (such as addictions, parents maritial issues, etc). The fact is it is not usually as simple as "we're arguing, help us." Understand each other and know why you guys argue so much. Work together and figure it out. And having arguments is not always a bad thing, its fine to disagree and even argue in general. Just don't let arguing go into offensive territory. But too much arguing is never good either, as you surely know. This is why this message goes right back to talk about it, and continue working at it. It's not as easy as 1-2-3, as I tell my girlfriend.
2007-05-21 07:37:28 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
My b/f and I have similar problems. You're doing the right thing. You need to get to the root of the problem. You can always do what we do: when we feel each other getting to that point then one of us walks away until things calm down then we talk about it. In doing this you can avoid saying and doing things that you don't mean. It takes two though. He has to try just as hard as you. If the love is there then it will get better. Good luck!
2007-05-21 07:37:09 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
No matter how much love you think is there, the fact may be that you just aren't a good match.
Are the things you've changed for him little things, or are they things that made you who you were? Don't change yourself for someone else but if you've got a habit they dislike (snoring, swearing, scratching yourself in public) then that's fine to try to overcome so they'll enjoy being around you more.
Talk to him and make it clear that you've done "x" "y" and "z" to help improve the relationship and would like to know what he plans to do/change to help improve things as well.
Otherwise your choices are:
Accept him as he is and deal with it.
Accept that you two aren't a good match and move on.
2007-05-21 07:37:02 · answer #3 · answered by . 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Trying to tip-toe around one another's feelings is no way to spend a relationship. If he is not willing to put in an effort, and if you two spend a lot of time arguing over small things then you need to ask yourself if it's really love, or if it's just comfort. If you're sticking with the relationship out of habit or comfort then it needs to end.
2007-05-21 07:42:02 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
OK - let's be real. If you were so in love with each other, you'd be able to talk these things out in a calm, civil manner. Since you are the only one trying to make it work - are you really in love with him - or are you just in heat?
And does he really love you - or just the 'benefits?'
Break up with Mr. Selfish. - not just because he's not meeting you half way - which he really should - but because things aren't going to get any better. You know this - but really aren't willing to admit it yet.
2007-05-21 07:40:31 · answer #5 · answered by Barbara B 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
talk to him. tell him that you really love him, and you would like for ya'll relationship to work out. tell him that you are trying to make him happy and that you want him to do the same because you don't wanna be like that forever.
and what might really help is this (you might not like it, but it's a good thing to do):
whenever you mess up and he gets mad, don't try to win, don't argue back, just say "i'm sorry" and try to make it better. explain why you messed up and how now that you know he don't like it, you won't do it again.
now this don't mean you should keep things bottled up inside, wait till he calms down a bit and talk about it SLOWLY AND CALMLY. and if it looks like he's pretty upset, wait till later, give him some space. and when you get to talking to him about it, don't forget to keep your cool.
if you've tried everything... i hate to say this but the best thing to do might be to break up. unless you wanna live like that forever.....
hope this was of help! good luck :)
2007-05-21 07:42:56 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
break up for a bit, dont have to be for a long time. just the act in its self will be enough. if he really loves you that will shock him in to sorting him self out, dont get with anyone else, tell him to sort it out & then you can see how things go.
it will make him realise what he wil lose then it should make him pay more attention to what he is doing & work harder at the relationship
2007-05-21 07:38:30 · answer #7 · answered by deltagremlin 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
yall need a vacation from each other, a brake or its only going to get worst and 1 of you will end up heart in the end because arguments leads to cheating and cheating leads to serious brake up.
2007-05-21 07:35:42 · answer #8 · answered by Ms.Donna 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
have a bit of time apart. myt sound harsh but if ur constantly winding each other up, u need a break otherwise you'll snap and go mental at him or the other way around.
2007-05-21 07:37:21 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Sit together and talk. Iron out your difference. Arguments don't look nice so avoid them.
2007-05-21 07:35:24 · answer #10 · answered by Goldman 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋