My husband and I got married in June of 06 while he was on leave from Iraq. While he was in Iraq everything was great, he would call me everyday, email, send flowers, we'd chat on yahoo. He was stationed in Germany and once he left Iraq he stopped calling and all that. I found out he was cheating and he blamed everything on me, I don't think I ever did anything wrong. Well we keep going back in forth bc he chooses to keep in contact with this woman who's overseas. Everytime he would come home on leave he would promise he'd change but would go back to doing the same thing. I feel its very disrespectful that he still talks to this woman who has caused so many problems. But he told her he would always be there for her. I'm still with him bc I hope he changes, but I don't see it.
2007-05-21 06:18:47 · 28 answers · asked by * lovemykids * 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Why is it so easy for cheaters to blame their actions on the other person?
2007-05-21 06:20:47 · update #1
Some say there are more problems in the marriage, now there are, but at the time he was cheating (which I didn't know) we had no problems at all. He changed over night when he got back to Germany.
2007-05-21 06:39:07 · update #2
Listen: The answer is NO, he has forever and ever ruined your relationship. It is over, sorry.
2007-05-21 06:22:33 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
If he has not changed by now, then it's a possibility that he will not change at all (the situation with the other woman too). He's blaming you b/c he doesn't want to believe & feel that he's doing wrong. Your better off on your own until he makes a final decision. It's a good idea to seperate first before actually considering divorce. Give him some time to think about what he wants to do, whether he's going to be serious about you & your marriage or not. You should move out & give each other some space. Some men who cheat do change, over time, when they realize what they really want & need. He has to figure that out on his own. Until he decides he wants YOU, then you shouldn't make yourself available to him. How long are you going to allow him to disrespect you like this? Don't "hope" anymore, hope is over rated. For now, move on with your life & focus on yourself until he comes to you & actually shows you that he's really changing. Some women will say different & tell you to leave him (which is probably a good idea) b/c some people give up on marriage too quick, but if you think it's worth saving, then this is my best advice. Don't listen to any one on here who says "its common that Military Men will cheat on you". THAT'S NOT TRUE AT ALL. Not all men cheat & it doesn't matter if he's in the Military deployed to Iraq. Any man from any where can cheat. The cheating is based on the persons character, morals & his negative thinking. My husband is a USMC & he's NOT a cheater. Like i said, it depends on the guy....but just know this: If your husband really loves you, cares for you & is in love with you, then he would not have cheated on you at all. It would not come through his mind to even hurt you like this. NEVER EVER. A guy who cheats on you is a guy who doesn't give a crap about you.
2007-05-21 06:31:32 · answer #2 · answered by sugarBear 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Why are u asking why? Hes not going to change whats worse hes using u for the homefront and using her for his on side little thing. Dont allow urslf to go through that even if ur still in love with him. Hes blaming u for his cheating because he cant bear the guilt. Despite what anyone tells u the only person that can change things is u. Allowing urslf to be treated like that will just make u into a bitter mean woman. He must be dense because they could both get into way much more trouble than u divorcing him the military doesnt take kindly to adultery something u may want to bring to his attention. Drop kick his @ss to the curb and find urslf a good family law attorney.
2007-05-21 06:45:14 · answer #3 · answered by memyslf&I 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
1.) Cheaters can change, but seldom do-especially if their actions are not punished. If you stay even after he has cheated on you, you are allowing it to happen again. The best course of action would have been to leave him, if only for a short while to teach him a lesson. Cheating is the worst form of disrespect in a relationship.
2.) Why are you still with him if this is continuing? If you do not repect yourself enough to stop this, it will continue.
3.) Of course he is going to blame you! Did you really think he'd say I was horny and she was nice? An excuse when used enough becomes a real reason to the person using it.
2007-05-21 06:26:03 · answer #4 · answered by Shannon 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋
I'm sure you're hurting alot because of your husbands behavior. It sounds like he is trying to have his cake and eat it too. I'm sure being away in Iraq is a very stressful and demanding and lonely, etc....but that is still no excuse for him to betray his marriage vows to you. He is probably turning it around on you, because of his guilty conscience, and just can't deal with all of this emotional turmoil while trying to do his job over there. The whole situation wasn't a very good start to a marriage, because of his having to be so far away. It would be so hard for you to trust him. You didn't say when he will finally be back in your area in order for him to physically be there to work on your marriage, but if that option is a ways off, you might want to consider ending the marriage NOW, rather than being jerked around and having to put your life on hold, never really knowing what his true intentions are. Hope you can find the best solution soon, so that you don't constantly have to feel so insecure about your marriage to him. Best wishes.
2007-05-21 07:03:22 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
I am going through similar situation,the point is ,this will continue as long as you let it happen,he knows he can do this to you time and time again and you will be there.When my husband of 8yrs did it to me,which is going on 3mths now,it was the worst thing i have ever felt,I let him know from the get that he is changing his job and this is how it is going to be period anything outside of this box and it is over.Now Im no saying that me and him are all gravy but we are trying ,I realized some of my faults and things that i had done,but by no means blamed my self at all.They place blame because it helps them deal with the guilt of destroyin a family . Dont keep lettin him go to her and then back to you,put a stop to that and see if he makes a decision and if he cant then let it go you are worth more than to be used and tossed to the side .good luck.personal experience,by the way mine was easier to come to terms with because we were 15yrs old when we go ttogether had 2kids and were married before we were 18yrs old ,so we didnt experience anything,so during his play time i was enjoyin myself to ,but we found that we actualy do love each other and want to spend the rest of our lives together ,and that we werent jus together because we had kids and a past.We honest to god are soulmates.
2007-05-21 06:34:23 · answer #6 · answered by youngprincez23 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
They do not want to see their faults, i mean who really does?! Leave this man...he smoothes things over so things are comfortable when he is home and then goes back to his ways...he may have said that he'd be there for that woman but seriously what the hell about you?! He made that promise in writing and with his vows!! DO NOT let this man bring you down. If anything, I believe soldiers wives are heros too...you guys go months and years without seeing your husbands and always fearing for their lives. Why add cheating to the list of worries?! While you are home waiting, he is with another woman... why do that to yourself?! Good luck and God bless!!
2007-05-21 06:25:22 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
some cheaters do replace. regardless of the shown fact that it type of looks like your quickly-to-be ex-spouse is merely no longer doing so any time quickly. there is something happening interior HER that SHE needs to stand and artwork via as a fashion to make that selection. till that component, she'll proceed to be a serial cheater and burn each and every guy she is presented in touch with. enable's desire she does not seize something (if she hasn't already) or procreate. that should merely suck.
2016-11-04 21:28:39 · answer #8 · answered by barn 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
OMG, this is terrible. You really need to run. It really couldn't get anymore disrecpectful. He is married, how could he ever tell another woman that he will be there for her? Not only should you divorce him, but you should hit him in the head with a pan for being so stupid. And to answer your question, yes, one a cheater is always a cheater. Next time he is on his way out, tell him you are going to see other guys while he is gone and you will be getting an attorney
2007-05-21 06:24:13 · answer #9 · answered by chip t 2 · 1⤊ 1⤋
my husband was a serious cheater, and i say was because he won't be my husband anymore if he cheats or lies ever again. Yours is totally disrespecting you and you are allowing him to do so. He will continue to cheat with this other woman as long as you allow it to continue. Kick him out and get a lawyer. If he comes begging and crawling back to you then set some guide lines as to how things are going to be. He blames you because it makes him feel less guilty. Let him know that there is not to be anymore contact with this woman ever! That you both are going to go to marriage counseling! That if you ever find out that he has cheated or is talking with this ***** again that you will through his stuff and him out and get a divorce. That you will go to his CO and let them know the situation pronto. Don't put up with it ever again girl!
I had to throw mine out for him to realize i wasn't going to put up with it anymore. He is now in therapy and knows by how i behave that i am not going to ever put up with it again.,
2007-05-21 09:29:49 · answer #10 · answered by wilfeistykitten2003 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
It is so easy for people to place blame, because they are replacing their guilt. But a cheater will only change if they want to. If he keeps talking to her and cheating...he doesn't want too. It's best to leave and if there arent any kids involved, I would make a run for it as fast as I can!
2007-05-21 06:24:25 · answer #11 · answered by Jenny Jenny 1 · 2⤊ 0⤋