My girlfriend of 15 years is getting married. She has come home (she lives out of state) to have a small wedding. It was last minute because her grandmother is sick. My husband has never liked my girlfriend (for reasons that are unmerited) His excuse is there is not enough time to plan for it, which is ludicris.(we never do anything). some background on my husband is he is very controlling. When I stated to him that I was going anyway he said if I did he was leaving me. Please, should I go to the wedding and let him vent his tantrum or be the submissive wife and not go to the wedding. It is really embarrassing. Everyone knows if I don't show up it is because of him. Not going would never be my choice.
2007-05-21 06:02:51 · 34 answers · asked by Tamm 4 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Umm how did submissive wife work into this equation? Go to your friend's wedding. Not sure if he'll actually leave but if he did would you really miss someone totally controlling to the point they threatened to leave if you attend an event.
2007-05-21 06:17:58 · answer #1 · answered by indydst8 6 · 0⤊ 1⤋
No one here can tell you what to do, Tammy.
We can give advice, but the final choice is up to you.
I really think this issue over your friend's wedding is the tip of the iceberg. Sounds to me like your marriage has other, bigger issues and this situation is just making you realize them!
Trust and respect are basic in a marriage, and you know what your husband is really like. If he is the jealous, manipulative type then it's a tricky situation...and you alone must think what the pros and cons are.
If you love him and are willing to be seen as a submissive wife, that's your choice. But if you will resent not going to the wedding and will feel bad with your friend, then think it over.
Ask God to help you make the right decision.
If it were me, I'd go to the wedding. But I'd also have a Plan B in case things get really ugly when I get back!
Good luck....
2007-05-21 06:46:14 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
If your husband is wrong than DO NOT listen. Be yourself FOR yourself. My mother always says a quote that I hate but it is good here "If there is a will, there is a way." If he wants to leave, he'll find an excuse. But if he wants to stay, nothing can break him. Same way, if u want to go 2 the wedding, GO. If you don't, then..... oh well. If this girl has been your friend for 15 years, I bet that your at least in your 20's.
You're a big girl, make your own choices, if someone wants to stop you, just keep on going.
The right path is not always the easiest one. I hope you go. If you feel like it, tell me what happens, I allow e-mail.
2007-05-21 06:52:20 · answer #3 · answered by Zanab Iman 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Oh wow! That is ridiculous. How'd he become so controlling in the first place, & why did you ever let him begin to control you? I'm not sure if he'll really leave you or not if you go, could just be a threat to "put you in your place". My fiancee hates my best friend, but he is at least understanding enough to realize that she IS my friend and I'll always have a place for her in my life. Luckily, when her wedding happens to come around, he'll show up with me. There is ALWAYS time. Even if you have 2 days to get ready for this thing, there's still time.That's a poor excuse to not go. Even if you need to leave early, at least show your face and congratulate your friend. Go to the wedding, it sounds like you've been friends with this girl for a long, long time. Don't let her down because of your husband! Don't mean to get so fired up, but I've been in the controlling man situation and I WON'T let it happen again. It isn't a fair situation, and eventually it breaks you down little by little. Are you sure you should even be with this man? You sound like you do deserve better than that. I hope it all works out for you though. Sorry you're in such a tough predicament. ='(
2007-05-21 06:10:58 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
I would not jeopardize my marriage for a friend's wedding because when she is happy with her new husband i will be alone.
If you think your husband is bluffing then go to the wedding.
You said he is controlling but you are together and probably have a good marriage so he must have some good qualities. You also said he did not like your friend (and as you well know this may be his chief reason for not wanting you to go)
I suggest you explain the situation to your friend and if you cannot attend, she and everyone else should understand.
2007-05-21 06:18:29 · answer #5 · answered by ann t 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
If the only reason for him not wanting to go or for you to go it that he does not like her, then I would go. Just state that you love him and that it would be silly to break up a marriage over going to a wedding. Remind him that he does not have to go, but that you are going. State when you will leave and when you will be home. Perhaps plan some thing for just the two of you when you get back from the wedding to smooth things over.
2007-05-21 06:07:49 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
First of all, don't be embarrassed, there are more people than you think in these kind of situations. Your friend has been your friend for 15 years, and that's a pretty long friendship to toss out because your husband is being a big baby.
Please ask yourself how much you love him, and how much you're willing to be held down as a human. Not as a wife, but a human being. My advice (but this is MY personality, you need to figure out yours) is to tell him that that is your friend, you are going to be there for her, and if he doesn't like it, he can go ahead and leave you. My guess is that that is a threat that won't be carried out. Men (or women) that get their kicks out of controlling people generally want to stay in that situation - they're the "cat" and you're the "mouse" and they know that they can bend you to their will. My suggestion is you be the "broom" that swats that cat out, and go live your life! Best of luck to you.
2007-05-21 06:21:37 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I agree that there are much bigger problems here. I know everyone is different, but a real partnership and marriage should never have an ultimatum like that in it. There should never be a "do this and I'll leave you."
If he'll go to professional counseling, that'd be ideal. If not, go without him. But think about one thing: if you care about your friend, will you regret not being there for her more or less than you'll regret upsetting your husband?
Also, if you decide to go, be prepared for him to follow through with his threat. You might work it out, but don't expect him to be joking or exaggerating.
2007-05-21 06:12:02 · answer #8 · answered by Meiran C 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I would not only go to the wedding, but I would go to the court house and file for divorce. If he is that controlling he doesn't love you like you want to be loved. It will never get better if you don't do some of the things you want. Good luck. Just remember there are a lot of men out there. I would look for one that isn't trying to be your father.
2007-05-21 06:08:33 · answer #9 · answered by cutie322434 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋
If the man would leave you over you going to a friend's wedding, it's not much of a marriage anyway. If you give in and don't go, you're just reinforcing Mr. Wonderful's power over you. Things will only get worse. Run hard, run fast.
2007-05-21 06:13:44 · answer #10 · answered by Diane S 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋