okay, weve been friends since sophmore year of highschool. weve been thru so much together. He moved out of my life for a year to miami to go to college but moved home a year later cause he missed home too much. We act like were in a relationship but we dont have sex. Although weve had our drunken nights in the past. He once told me he was in love with me things ended up getting a little bit weird then we were fine. We are like Will & Grace. I am single and he is a major reason i dont try to get a boyfriend he is holding me back. Do i let go of him and risk making the worse decision of my life (which i see being the hardest thing i ever do) or do i just spill my guts to him and risk rejection. or do i just keep things the way they are cause i love him more than anything . I never thought id end up in this kind of situation =( so hard
2007-05-21 05:26:29 · 27 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Friends
You have a lot of questions to answer for yourself, then some soul searching, then some decision making, and finally some action taking. It appears you are in the middle of that process now and asking for help, smart move. Anyways, here is some loving input from someone who cares :
1 -- How do you feel about homosexuality in general ? Is it right ? Wrong ? Different strokes for different folks ? . . . The reason this is important is because the values of your potential mate and yours are one of the compatibility quotients to make a relationship work if you get to one.
2 -- Is this man confused or permanently a homosexual ? If yes, you can never really make a relationship work yourself. If no, then he ( with your help perhaps ? ) needs to explore himself and discover who he really is. Until that is clarified you don't have a chance for you and him to make it.
3 -- "Drunken nights" ? Is that your way of saying that you and him have had sex ? This would be an indicator that he may not be homosexual and thus may be able to turn toward loving you. Refer back to # 2 for a must discover issue.
4 -- "We act like we're in a relationship". You need to clarify your definition of relationships. You are in a friendship relationship, but the one you want is another type. Do you consistently cross the line and hold hands and maybe kiss and ______ ? Are you currently friends or something more ?
5 -- Their is a Principle called the Seasons of Life ( great book by Jim Rohn of the same name I highly recommend ), and I am going to combine it here with another Principle called the Doors of Life. Basically life progresses in seasons, some resembling based on their characteristics the 4 seasons. And every day we walk through Doors with our decisions and actions. Sometimes when we do so we can never go back through the door and thus we feel like we lost something so we never go through the door.
Well, your whole life awaits you through this door decision. You are indeed holding yourself back from happiness and many other important things that have yet to manifest.
You know you need to decide and take action but you fear a mistake. The bigger mistake of course is to not decide and remain stuck in your self inflicted limbo.
So here is the call to action. Yes, you absolutely need to tell him everything ( how many movies have you seen with the never told them and then lost them story line ? ), then after he has time to ponder his and your feelings, you both need to get together and discuss the possibilities and the realities.
Then you need to put a timeline on it for a decision for both of you, based on what you discover in this process.
Then you need to decide on both of your futures and back it up by following through on those decisions.
I Pray this Serves well.
2007-05-21 05:42:38 · answer #1 · answered by Viking Brethren 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋
If he is gay, then you do not have a future with him, other than as a friend.
If he is your best friend, you should be able to talk to him about your feelings.
Don't keep things the way they are. You can still stay friends with him, but don't think of him a boyfriend. You need a different man for that.
Good luck.
2007-05-21 05:33:40 · answer #2 · answered by Sharon 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You can spend forever with him as your best friend, but to try for anything more than that won't work and may make him feel wierd about the relationship. Gay guys are good friends to females, I understand that, but you must come to grips with the fact that he likes men...that's what he's attracted to. Don't waste your life waiting for him to change, because I guarantee you he won't. Be friends, enjoy your time together but also live your own life, too.
2007-05-21 05:31:49 · answer #3 · answered by vanhammer 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You may love this man but you have to set him free and your self why do we put are selfs in these situations, you may be the holyest angel on earth but , but when you are in a drunken state your not in a state of mine and he and you an myself had said things to make each others fantysies almost real i had a best friend when we were together he would say ,he new i was a horse of a different color, but was shocked when someone told him ,iwas still his best friend i would put him to bed clean his house because i loved him i set up a fancy dinner for him for his ingaagement dinner , even though i love him, it woud never happen so i new it would never happen istayed a good friendd i i knew i loved him , but it had to be another type of love a friends love, and you know it is very hard for you , remember this ( if you have a bird set it free if it comes back it was ment to be if it doest it never was ) stay his friend if he needs to talkyour there for each other or you need to talk , just one thing i want to add You said on one of our drunken nights ,hes not hold you back you are holding yourself back ,because you stll think there is a chance,consider your self as a bus ,your eyes as the wind shields, and your mind as the driver, there is some one great out there for you i can feel it,god might not be there when you want him but he will be there right on time
he is not holding you back ,you are holding yourself back
2007-05-21 06:29:55 · answer #4 · answered by ? 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Wow! Tough one. Although you love him, you need to let him go. I think it may be too hard to keep him as a friend. If he's gay, he's gay and he will never be the boyfriend that you want him to be. Just explain to him that you need a lettle time to yourself and start dating. Maybe once you find a guy of your own, you can be friends again. Good Luck!
2007-05-21 05:31:21 · answer #5 · answered by frawlicious 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You can spill your guts, but Grace, you're going to face rejection. If he's gay, he's gay - and you're not going to "turn" him straight. He is not holding you back from pursuing other relationships, YOU are holding you back because you are hanging on to a fantasy of what you desperately hope will become of your relationship with this gay male. If you value his presence in your life, you need to let go of the notion of a romance between the two of you and go find yourself a nice, straight boyfriend.
2007-05-21 05:30:14 · answer #6 · answered by Marvelissa VT 6 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Aww tell him how you feel...if you don't you'll regret it forever. It's not fair on yourself to keep holding out for him if he doesn't have mutual feelings. Even if he didn't feel the same, it wouldn't feel awkward forever, only a few months at the most! Just be strong and deal with whatever life throws at you because life can only get harder I'm afraid xx
2007-05-21 05:31:08 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Well, I've always believed in being honest, open, and upfront. Maybe you might get rejected but then again you will have your answer, either way you win. You get him or you no longer have this hard situation to deal with and you will be free to move on without the doubt.. Maybe you should show him your "adult toys" collection and let him know that you like to use them while having sex. If he has a thing for men, maybe that will give him what he wants from you.
2007-05-21 05:39:23 · answer #8 · answered by Allen Elow 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋
If you continue in this relationship you will one day come to find out that he is the one out dating other men; while your at home feeling lonely and miserable. These kinds of relationships do not last. Many people have tried before; none have succeeded. You should ask yourself what is that makes you so attractive to him the first place. Once you do find out what it is; you will then know what it is that your looking for in a boyfriend. And you can still be friends with one another; there is nothing wrong with that. As far as lovers goes; it will not work out.
2007-05-21 05:53:54 · answer #9 · answered by Tarlyng 4 · 0⤊ 1⤋
There are things that he loves about you no doubt, but you will NEVER be able to make a gay man straight. He will always be attracted to men.
2007-05-21 05:29:07 · answer #10 · answered by Truth Hurts 5 · 3⤊ 0⤋