Here's the scenario: Your marriage is stable and you're both committed to each other. However, your spouse wants to have a same-sex intimate relationship with one other person. You know the other person is also in a stable marriage and his or her spouse has no objections to this. Realize that if you do not consent, this may happen (and might already have happened) without your knowledge. Also, once you know about this possibility, do you want to know in advance, each time? You feel your spouse is being and has been honest with you, even though this is a potentially difficult situation. Assume you've been married at least ten years and have children.
2007-05-21 05:15:18 · 22 answers · asked by Mover50 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
I personally do know of two marriages that broke up over this. One, the husband wanted to be with a gay man. The other, the wife was bi-sexual and her husband objected to her lesbian relationship. I also know a couple who have a stable marriage and do have occasional outside relationships. They don't consider it 'cheating' because there is advance knowledge and consent each time.
2007-05-21 15:32:00 · update #1
As a therapist, I saw this happen a number of times and in every single case, the person left his/her partner for the other person. Every single time.
What is your spouse looking for? How can your partner find within the context of your relationship? Talk. Ask questions.
Unless you have an open marriage, and an agreement that it's all right to have sex with other people, sex with the same gendered person is cheating. Period.
Do you want an open marriage? If so, go for it. If not, you need to sort a few things out.
2007-05-21 05:25:24 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
My marriage is not stable so I don't care what he does but if it were and he wanted to do this, that would end things immediately. You can call it what you want but a man who has sex with another man is gay. I don't have sexual relations with gay men, or women. I'm very straight. Even without the AIDs possibility, it's a total turnoff for me and I would never see him in the same light. I would never want to be touched by him again. I also would not want that kind of man to set an example for my kids. Let gays be gay and heteros be straight. Got nothing against gays but once you've crossed that line - you're gay.
2007-05-21 12:26:41 · answer #2 · answered by crazywoman88 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
First.....I've been married for almost 14 years, with 2 children.
The answer is "NO". I wouldn't consider that at all. Stable marriage or not..........that person shouldn't put you in a position to make a decision like that.........ever! Being curios is one thing, but as the saying goes: Curiosity killed the cat.....and so will some things you can get without knowing it.
2007-05-21 12:27:58 · answer #3 · answered by groovytarheel 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
No way. Marriage is between two people. As soon as you let another party in, man or woman, it is a recipe for disaster. This is not a gay/straight issue. Regardless of the nature of the relationship, it's still cheating.
2007-05-21 12:21:23 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
No, it undermines the viability of the marriage overall. Also, if those two start up something, what's to say they don't go out and find others you're not aware of. What about potential diseases and viruses? Do you have children? I can't see you living with this and "truly" being happy or feeling secure in your marriage if it occurs.
2007-05-21 12:19:02 · answer #5 · answered by Lake Lover 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
If I'm a man and my wife wanted to have a sexual relationship with a woman from time to time, I guess I'd be okay with that. But as a woman, if my husband wanted to have sex with another man, I would so not be okay with that. It's a double standard but I still wouldn't like it. If he wanted to be with another woman, without me being there, I wouldn't like that either. He can ***** another woman, just for the sex of it, while I'm there, but that is that. You still run the risk of someone going behind your back and how would you handle that? I think it has the potential to end badly either way you look at it.
2007-05-21 12:37:51 · answer #6 · answered by Brandy 6 · 1⤊ 1⤋
for me there is no way in hades, not ever, that I would allow my spouse to have an extra marital affair...whether homosexual in nature or not. I think that the couples involved are opening themselves up to serious issues of jealous and it may take quite some time for the consequences of such a choice to manifest but I promise it will come back and bite one, if not all of you, in the butt (no pun intended)!
2007-05-21 12:19:45 · answer #7 · answered by juda75 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
YUK. NO I would not. If my spouse/significant other decided to go that route, honestly it would be over. But I'm the type that I don't share. Thankfully I with someone who thinks the same way and would never share =)
2007-05-21 12:23:47 · answer #8 · answered by suzlaa1971 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
No way!!! Marriage is a commitment between 2 people, not 4!!!
2007-05-21 12:20:19 · answer #9 · answered by MK 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I've been married 18 years, have 2 kids and would leave him in a second if he had an affair with ANYONE, same or opposite sex. It is cheating, and I won't tolerate it.
2007-05-21 12:18:47 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋