my husband never communicates with me about anything except for about work, and our child, and never anything else. he does not confide in me about his hopes, dreams, anything dealing with his family, my feelings about anything,etc. We've pretty much slept in seperate bedrooms for years. I feel like the only way he wants to communicate is with sex. He's never really been a communicator. is this normal?
2007-05-21 04:24:04 · 15 answers · asked by eliza l 3 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Totally normal. Have you ever tried to talk with him about something he wants to talk about? Usually this question means that "my husband doesn't talk the way I want him to". You have to stop trying to change him.
2007-05-21 04:28:35 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
I would suggest that you get rid of two words in your vocabulary - those are: Never and Always. They are both absolutes and leave no room for variation - and they are usually totally wrong. It sounds like you have known from the beginning that he doesn't talk much about what he is feeling inside and now find that abnormal. It isn't. Men do use sex to communicate their bond and commitment. It is very important to men and it is very much a bonding experience for them like being cuddled and spoken to lovingly is our way of bonding. We think differently so we act differently - that isn't wrong - it's just different.
If you have let him know that you are there for him to talk to about anything and he doesn't do it - then leave it alone. If he has tried to talk to you about things and you have immediately jumped in with your opinions then he may not share because he didn't want your opinions and he didn't want to be judged when he shared. Men and women talk differently - if he does talk - listen and ask questions if you need further clarification - but whatever you do - don't make him feel bad for feeling the way he does.
I also sleep in a separate room - my husband snores so loud neither one of us gets to sleep when we are together - I'm always waking him up to quit snoring and then when he goes back to sleep he snores and wakes me up and around the circle we would go. Separate bedrooms is a blessing for us so don't stress over that, okay? Some people just sleep better alone, and I need my sleep or I can be very, very grouchy.
2007-05-21 04:34:10 · answer #2 · answered by Stefka 5 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Yes, and no. It is hard to explain. I truly suggest that you buy this book and then try and have him read it. It is called the emotionally unavailable man, by Patti Henry. It gives a lot of good insight on how men think and why they do what they do. It also has a woman's side to help you deal with him. Good luck.
2007-05-21 04:29:22 · answer #3 · answered by AsianPersuasion :) 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
i have the same issues, except that it's about everything. when my husband and i both met, we were two very shy people. we met over the internet.... someone had to speak, so it became me and then i was the outgoing one and he was the shy one. i have to ask questions to get answers and information from him and if i ask to many, he gets upset, but realizes why i'm asking so many. he also has a problem with forgetting lots of things... which makes it tougher.... i'm trying to work with him right now on this, but so far it has taken 5 years.... he's now realizing how things are with his family...
2007-05-21 04:40:55 · answer #4 · answered by techgirl2007a 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
u know I've been through this for years and he's just not a talker but 1 thing that did help was a seperation for a few months.. we seperated and then when we were able to get past our other probs then we were able to become friends again.. that's very important for a marriage... not telling u to seperate but it worked for me...makes u appreciate eachother more...
2007-05-21 04:41:47 · answer #5 · answered by Tammy 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
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