What would you do if you had your child compete in a tournament and later found out ?

Question

That the tornament was unfair because the judges were friends of the winners, and you really didn't want to sound like a sore loser, but wanted to speak up for your child that worked hard.

Answer 1

It depends on the tournament. For example, if this was a sport like tennis--there is a score on who wins. Regardless of if the director was friends with them or not, if it had a clear winner/loser there is no debate.

Next, was it close? If it was a judged event--like figure skating--did your child lose by just a few points? Or was it a fair amount of points? B/c if it wasn't that close--I'm sure he really did win fairly.

Either way--the results won't be changed and all you are likely to teach your child is to be a sore loser. If you really want to discuss this, go by yourself (not with your child) to talk to the tournament director or judges and explain that you would like to know how your child could do better for next year. What did he lose points on? If they aren't sure or seem flustered, I would explain that you know they are friends with the winner and wanted to discuss how the tournament was run so that you would know to compete in a different tournament next year.

Basically I know both sides. I played tennis for years and only the Top 6 lettered. Despite beating all but 1 of the top 6, each week I lost my spot in the top 6 to these same 2 girls (each of which I beat over 7 times. I had also been on the team longer and was 2 yrs older than--so they had more chances to letter--I didn't). I found out they both had mothers who belonged to the tennis club with the coach. I was devastated to find out that the tennis teams varsity letters were bought. One of the 2 girls was knocked out and for the first year ever, we awarded a letter to someone for Most Improved. I worked for years to earn that position and didn't letter b/c my mother didn't buy me a position.

However, I've also been the judge of many tennis matches and dealt with mothers so eager to get their kid a trophy that they are doing everything. Calling delay of games, making up rules, challenging each call to make the other kid frustrated and then at the end challenging the results and trophies.

It is possible that they are friends but judged completely fairly. So be careful when speaking to someone. And as I suggested, consider asking what your child to do to improve himself for the next tournment. That will get you all the answers you need. And if it turns out your child lost simply b/c you weren't a friend--then the kid can learn a valuable lesson. Sometimes thats the way life works. After all, college admissions and who gets an interview for a job works that way as well. And it's a lesson he might be old enough to learn.

It's a tough situation for you to be in and really no way to confront without looking like one of those crazy cheerleader moms ya know?

Answer 2

Unfortunately kids need to learn that life not always fair. Best thing to do is not to harp on it or let your kid harp on it. Just let it be a lesson learned and move on.