should i give up?

Question

i've been married for 18 years and have 2 kids, my husband has been in love with this ***** for over 2 years and my life is like hell. they won't give up to each other despite my resistance- we are not going to divorce!- and he still lives with us but doesn't come home 2 times a week. should i give up? i still love my husband and feel terribly lonely.

Answer 1

Of course, this is completely up to you. Personally, I wouldn't live like this. I would suggest you go to a counselor & find out why you are letting this happen to you. The counselor can help you to sort out your feelings & give you the courage to make the best decision for you & your kids. Staying with a cheater is not good for your kids. I think you know what to do.

Answer 2

Yes you should. Some people say they won't get divorced, because of the kids, trust me, I was one of them.....but there is a fine line where your kids will actually be better off after a divorce.

My kids went from an unstable, unhappy home with two parents who didn't love each other enough anymore to a home where their mother was loved and treated well by their new step dad, and their dad is much happier, and therefore a better dad....

You aren't setting your children a good example either. Ask yourself, if your children are daughters, is this how you want them to be treated when they are older? If they are boys, is this how you want them to think a woman should be treated? Children learn what they live.......make sure you're providing a wonderful, healthy living/learning environment.

Answer 3

You are allowing this man to walk all over you! Obviously he doesn't have the same feelings as he did when he married, or he wouldn't be having an affair. You deserve sooo much better. I would put it to him like this- "We have 18 years together and I won't stand for this any longer. Choose her, or me. If you choose me, then you stop seeing her at once." If he loves you, he will stay home with you. If not, it's time to file those walking papers. If he found someone else to love, why can't you? You only have one life to live. Don't waste a precious moment being in an unhappy situation. If he loves you, he will go into marriage counseling with you as well.

Answer 4

I would give him a altimatiom her or me.. You can get about 50% of his paycheck each week. I would start to stash money away just in case he leaves you before you are ready for him too...
Its not good for the kids if they know about this other women, They need to know there mother is stronger and can live a normal life. Show them lots of love and its ok not to have a man to beable to live.....if they are boys then its not the right way to treat the women that that made a commitmet too in front of God........That it does hurt the whole family. You can get a grandpa, uncle, or cousin to help you show them how a REAL MEN act and treats women who they truely love and how to raise children....


Find out why he has to have this women in his life?
Find a cheaper but nice area to live?
Find a good person to talk to your kids how they are feeling. Kids might not tell you the trueth how they are feeling.

Good Luck, I really feel for you hon.....

Answer 5

well my parents were married for 21 years and my dad had been seeing this woman for six months mind you they have three kids including me. but we were all of age im not sure what age yours are but anyways he cheated on her throughout their marrage. she sounded just like you she didnt want a divorce but if you want my honest opinion if you kids are still young enough you need to for the sake of them give up obviously he has. you need to be happy i know from seeing my mom all these years you probably arent. so finally she got a divorce about two months ago and is finally doing better for herself the only thing is that she waited till we were all out of the house and still had to put up with having an unfaithful father living with us and setting a bad example for us. but like i said you should move on no point in staying with a man when he comes home two nights out of a week. good luck i hope you figure things out for yourself.

Answer 6

Change the locks when he is gone. Don't you realize you are his wife not his door mat??? Stop being one and kick his butt to the curb. They are both doing what they can and I'll bet they will break up if they are forced to live 24/7 with each other. Why would you want someone who would treat you this way? Have more respect for yourself and your children. Good luck sweetie....

Answer 7

Unfortunately if he doesn't come home, knows you know about it and still stays away, and they won't give each other up - he's having the best of both worlds - I know you love him, but is YOUR love enough to keep THE TWO OF YOU's marriage going? (english is inept - my appologies..)
You will find someone who values you as you do him right now. It's all a question of time, of how much you are prepared to take, how much you can confront, and how much you are prepared to give of yourself without payback... Good luck..

Answer 8

You may have 18 years with this man but if he is walking all over you than its not worth it!!! He shouldn't be allowed to have "the best of both worlds"!!!

Kick'm to the curb, after all you have 2 kids to take of!!! You don't have time for his s***!!!

Answer 9

Leave him. Take some time alone and find your self-respect again. You deserve better. Think of all the fish in the sea that would like to love you, and only you.

Answer 10

Doesn't sound like your husband will - he gets to have his cake and eat it, too. Perhaps you should try a LEGAL separation to see if that helps him make a decision.

Good luck.