My daughter has recently made friends with a girl from her school. The girl lives on the same road as my family and I.
I've recently begun talking with the girls mum as my daughter often goes over to her friends to play and visa versa.
On first meeting the girls mother, she was quite open in telling me that she didn't work and was on benefits.
she has on two occasions now asked to borrow money from me, not large amounts (£10's). I have given it to her because 1) I do not want her daughter to go without the essentials and 2) I feel very uncomfortable when asked.
At first I felt sorry for her, but then I got to thinking that she like me has a 9 year old daughter. I manage to work fulltime and am contributing to her benefits by doing so!
How would you broach the subject?
2007-05-21 02:11:36 · 23 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Friends
Money's never paid back!
2007-05-21 02:20:52 · update #1
good question hun
but sometimes you have to say what on your mind, there is no easy way in telling somebody that basicsally there lasy, and need to get a job, if like you say u hav a 9yr old and work full time then why cant she
(coz they wana live off tax payer money) arrrrrrrggggg
2007-05-21 02:17:27 · answer #1 · answered by ♥S♥T♥E♥P♥H♥ 2 · 3⤊ 2⤋
This woman - and sadly, her daugter, are bad news.
Put the breaks on this friendship right away by involving your daughter in activities that don't involve the other girl. Music, sports, dance, tumbling, drama -
Tell Mom-the-Moocher that since she hasn't paid you back from the last time she "borrowed" money, you cannot "lend" her any more. The bank is closed. She can get a job.
Even if her daugther is going without, that's not your responsibility. Your responsibility is towards YOUR daughter.
If indeed her daughter IS going without essentials, then that's called neglect, which should be reported to the authorities. Make sure you have concrete evidence and call the authorities on this negligent woman. Truly I suspect that the 30 or so pounds you've given - not lent - were spent on something besides her daughter - like drugs or alcohol.
Tell your daughter that despite the fact that "Debbie" is a nice little girl, you are concerned that she may turn out to be less than a good friend later on because of her home life. And so you are asking her to broaden her circle of friends so as to not spend so much time with "Debbie."
Do this in as diplomatic a manner as possible because "Debbie" will ask why she and your daughter are not as close as they used to be. So be gentle but honest - that you really have a difficult time with able-bodied parents who would rather live off the public dole and mooching off friends and neighbors, than to get out and hold responsible jobs. And you really don't want your daughter to learn that it's ok to be like that.
Explain to your daughter that children learn what they see - that you work not only for the paycheck but to show her that women can be good parents and breadwinners and can be responsible adults. "Debbie's" mother is showing her that it's ok to mooch off the system and take advantage of friends by borrowing money they never intend to repay. And this is not something you want your daughter to learn.
It's too bad because I"m sure "Debbie" is a really nice girl right now. But later on that will probably change and the nice things YOU have worked hard to earn - will start to dissappear - oddly just about any time "Debbie" is visiting.
2007-05-21 02:45:59 · answer #2 · answered by Barbara B 7 · 1⤊ 1⤋
It obviously makes you feel uncomforatble so dont lend it, always give with a good heart its less complicated.
If she always pays you back on time, then I wouldnt mind lending to her.
She must class you as a friend if she has had to bare her soul to borrow money.
Dont always assume that because she is on benefits that she is a ponce etc and that you are paying her benefits. Quite often a single parent is finacially unable to work because on her own with a 9 year old, holidays, sick days and childcare would be a major issue. Finding a job that would put up with those instances and also pay a good wage are few and far between.
'single mothers' can also be mothers that are divorced and have found themselves in this situation.
Forget errant fathers and the CSA.
I like the saying's, the but for the grace of god....
and walk a mile in my shoes....
2007-05-21 02:26:31 · answer #3 · answered by LEXY 4 · 2⤊ 0⤋
First has she paid you back every time? Second you are opening the door for uncharted waters.
You need to stop while you are ahead because it is going to go on and on. Before you know it the amounts are going to get larger and I have a feeling that when you start saying no she is going to use her daughter as a weapon and in the end it will be your daughter that gets hurt because her friend won't be allowed to play with her any longer.
I hate people that use people. Why is it she doesn't work? I hope she is not using the my child needs me at home excuse>>>>
It is good to know the family where your daughter likes to play but you really don't have to be Friends with them and friends do not use each other!
2007-05-21 02:28:36 · answer #4 · answered by Jan 3 · 0⤊ 2⤋
Maybe she is struggling to find a job. We hear in the media how hard it is for single mothers to find work, especially when its only during school hours.
But seriously, she just sounds lazy. Dont broach the subject.
Or if she asks you for money again, tell her you cant afford it because you have to pay your way in this world and its expensive. She might take the hint.
2007-05-21 02:19:16 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
i think maybe dont aproach the subject, just wait till next time she asks( which sounds like she will) and just say''sorry im a bit short this month as had some unexpected bills''.
that way she cant say anything and just carry on saying things like so ''im a bit short this month''' etc until she gets the hint.
at the end of the day she sounds like a scrounger, im a single mother but i work night s so i dont miss out on my little mans bringing up(he is 1) and i get by just fine. i pay all my bills (rent, bills etc) without having to depend on all the uks hardworking people .
2007-05-21 05:19:42 · answer #6 · answered by sara fw 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋
tell her that you and your daughter survive on your wages only, you have bills to pay and that u cant afford to keep anyone else . The money u have already given her ,ask for it back as am sure she would if the shoe was on the other foot.
2007-05-21 02:59:50 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
She is a MOOCH and needs to get a job...... If she has enough balls to ask you for money she should be able to work..... make sure she is not spending the money on cigarette's or alcohol. If she really needs help ask her what she needs and get her just that (Milk, Eggs, Bread) Tell her that you are in a similar situation and you don't have much money either. Offer to help her find a job..... McDonald's is always hiring for like 8 bucks and hour!!!! Its OK to ask someone for help, but its another to ask someone for precious money that you worked hard to earn.
2007-05-21 02:21:20 · answer #8 · answered by ibabixes 2 · 1⤊ 1⤋
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2016-10-05 11:41:19 · answer #9 · answered by ? 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
the next time she asks just say no im sorry, and if you feel awkward tell her you've had bills to pay, then the next time say car insurance and so on until she stops asking...have you ever wondered what she did for money before you came along, she managed then so she'll manage again
2007-05-21 02:21:01 · answer #10 · answered by angie 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋