Please help me. Sex with my husband is always great, I just don't ever feel like doing it. We have a 16 month old son and I feel exhausted all the time, not because of my son, just in general. This is NOT the kind of wife I want to be. What can I do? I've tried aromatherapy, massage oils....any ideas??
2007-05-21 01:47:24 · 23 answers · asked by blessed 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
You're just tired and overworked. There doesn't seem to be anything else wrong with you...if so, see a therapist. Just because you're his wife doesn't mean you're suppose to perform on demand/command. If you're not in the mood or too tired, don't do it. Or, let him do all the work and see what his skills are.
2007-05-21 01:51:41 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 5⤊ 2⤋
Sorry for what is happening. THe good new is you are still attracted to him! Raising a baby/toddler is very hard work and creates emotional as well as physical exhaustion.
Combine that with postpartum depression which can last a considerable period of time and voila! Not much interest in anything.
See your Dr. and tell what is going on. If that does not work, see a counselor. This can be remedied and your life can get back to normal.
2007-05-21 08:56:37 · answer #2 · answered by Travis McGee 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Your Troubled Sex Life
If sex is declining in your relationship, Dr. Phil offers the following advice.
Sex is not the foundation of a healthy relationship; it is a natural extension of a relationship in which giving and receiving mutual support and comfort are common. If you want a good sexual relationship, it needs to be embedded in a good overall relationship.
Sex involves vulnerability. It is an act that can flow freely only with mental, emotional and physical trust. If you are having sexual frustrations, examine the relationship at large. Are you creating an environment of giving, receiving, trust and relaxation?
Sex should not be forced. It should be just one more way of expressing mutuality, support and caring. It can then be the springboard for more thoughts and appreciative behaviors that will bridge into the next, seemingly spontaneous, sexual interaction.
It is illogical for you to ignore your partner in the morning, bark at him/her during the day, argue in the evening, and then fall into his/her arms for a fanciful sexual adventure at night. Insensitivity, inattention and hostility make sexual intimacy unnatural. If you want a rhythmic pattern of sexual intimacy, then create a relational pattern that reflects the same intimate emotions.
If everything with your partner seems to be flowing consistently, problems with sexual relations may persist for different reasons. There are times when one or both partners become distracted and allow sexual interaction to slide down the priority scale. These couples have allowed a number of competing activities and circumstances to rob them of this very special, intimate exchange. You must consciously commit to putting sex back in your life.
When everything else is in place in a relationship, the sexual interaction is still crucial. The intimacy that comes from sexual interaction takes the relationship to a completely different level.
2007-05-21 09:04:45 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
You may want to talk to your ob/gyn about this! They may want to test you to see where your hormone levels are. You may have extremely low levels of testosterone(which women do produce-just not to the extremes that men do) and maybe they will prescribe a very low dose to help you out.(I don't know. I'm guessing.) Just so you know, it isn't uncommon to have continuous hormone fluctuations a while after having a baby. Stat taking Women's One A Day vitamins. You may also be vitamin B deficient, which can also explain your fatigue. In the meantime, find other ways to keep hubby satisfied, if you haven't already.
All the best.
2007-05-21 08:56:35 · answer #4 · answered by MamiZorro2 6 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Have you ever been tested to see if you have post partum depression? I love my husband & think he is them most attractive man ever, but after I had our first son I had post partum depression that went untreated for almost a year, in which time I didn't have the urge to have sex with him. I found myself unattractive after having a baby and felt like he wasn't attracted to me anymore. It was all in my head of course and after being treated for a short time with anti depressants, therapy and the reassurance of my husband, I got better and our sex life I am happy to say is better than ever before. Having a baby can take more of a toll on your body and your mind than you think, I almost lost my marriage because of post partum depression going untreated. My husband felt like I wasn't attracted to him because I didn't communicate my feelings with him. It could be something totally different, but it would be worth checking into. I wouldn't let what ever it is go untreated, I would see a doctor as soon as you can. Hope all goes well. I am includeing a link that may be helpful in determining whether or not you think you may have PPD http://www.webmd.com/depression/tc/Postpartum-Depression-Symptoms
Good Luck:)
2007-05-21 09:00:55 · answer #5 · answered by Smarty Pants 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Its normal to loose your sex drive after having children, life is just so busy is'nt it.
Try Ginseng, I'm sure you'll have heard of it, its all natural and there's umpteen different varieties, think the best one is Korean Ginseng and get the highest strength you can, it can improve your sex drive and hey, nothing to loose, only intimate time to with your hubby to gain by giving it a go!
If all else fails give your GP a ring and see what they can suggest for you sweetie. Good luck and take care
2007-05-21 08:57:02 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Your son is old enough now for you to leave him with grandma over night, and have a 'date night'; have grandma take the little guy in the afternoon. You take a nice shower, relax, take your time getting ready. Go out, and do something simple, like dinner or a movie. Hold hands, talk, laugh, enjoy each other. Kiss like you did way back in the beginning. Before you know it, you'll be feeling all frisky.
Don't panic, we all go through it. You will get through it fine, if you love each other.
Good luck.
2007-05-21 08:55:08 · answer #7 · answered by Icewomanblockstheshot 6 · 5⤊ 0⤋
I second the opinion to talk to your doctor. You could have a physical reason for the way your feeling. If your doctor doesn't find a reason, make an appointment with a therapist. There could be an emotional reason you feel this way too. I'm sure one or both would help you.
2007-05-21 08:56:54 · answer #8 · answered by retropink 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Do you take the pill or have a Mirena IUD? Sometimes these forms of control with synthetic hormones can really mess with a persons head. If yes, do some homework and this might be a source of your problem.
2007-05-21 09:48:59 · answer #9 · answered by dragon 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Planned Sex is better than no sex, here's how to make time, and make it great every time:
http://coaches.aol.com/love-and-sex/hilda-hutcherson/qa-video?defaultItem=0
Talking about sex with your partner can be hard, but its the best way to get what you want out of your relationship, and to make compromises into what your partner wants. After all, ultimately it’s about pleasing you both. How can you talk about sex? Fortunately there have been people who've attempted the first awkward dialogs before you. One being author of "Pleasure," here's her advice on getting what you want: http://coaches.aol.com/love-and-sex/hilda-hutcherson/qa-video?defaultItem=5
Here are some great, free, tasteful tips for keeping/improving intimate sexual relationships
-build up adrenaline and energy in other ways
-exercise together
-ride thrilling rollercoasters together
-watch scary movies together
-play hooky from work together
-engage in novel acts, both sexually and non-sexually, together
Keeping sex new and fresh:
http://coaches.aol.com/love-and-sex/ian-kerner/keep-sex-fresh
2007-05-21 12:57:55 · answer #10 · answered by livehealthyguru 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Don`t worry! We all go through this from time to time. A 16 mos old will keep you busy, and make sure your husband understands that it has nothing to do with him. You`ll be back to normal soon.
2007-05-21 09:10:06 · answer #11 · answered by MISTY 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋