Ladies how do I make it up to her?

Question

I am a new dad we just had my son in Jan. she already had a son who I treat like mine but I wasn't there when he was as young as my son, I work and she stays home but on my days off I am really tired and tend to fall asleep during the day (I work 12 hour shifts 4 nights a week) and I do the little things like changing diapers and and feeding but when both boys starting getting cranky and crying I don't know what to do, I get frustrated and she always ends up calming them I feel bad because I can't really do it and she deals with it all day everyday what can I do to fix this and make up for sleeping when I could be helping, I feel like a bad father and its hurting our relationship

Answer 1

Get a babysitter and the two of you need to go out!!!! This is the saving grace of most realtionships with kids! GO FAST!!!

Answer 2

You are not a bad father... just a hard worker. You are providing for your family and this takes a lot of work. I can understand that you are tired when you get off work and she probably understands also but I am sure that she could use a break as well. I would suggest that on your days off, you could either send her to a really good spa for pampering while you keep the children or you could get a baby sitter and take her to a really good spa and out to a romantic dinner for two. Also, when the boys are all quiet and sleeping during the nights that you are off... consider rubbing her feet, massaging her back and neck, preparing a nice romantic meal for two and blockbuster movie or you two could just cuddle while you let her know that you really do appreciate the woman that she is and even though your job drains you a lot, you will try to do more to accommodate her with the children... Good Luck and Congratulations:-)!!!!

Answer 3

I am a new mom-son is 3 1/2 weeks old-and I kinda understand. My husband is like that too, he works all day to support us and i am soo tired,I've never been so tired, and I look forward to his coming home every night, even though he tends to sack out on the couch. When he is late, I cry. When he doesn't help on the weekends, I cry. What I want from him, and what i suggest to you, is the moral support. Be there and listen when she talks about it, how tired she is or how much she needs a break. Tell her you feel like a bad father and what can you do. Search out Mother's Day Out programs. Be her rock and someone she can count on, that's the biggest thing.

Sleep if you have too but don't sack out on the couch watching tv, fall asleep reading, or watching a movie you got for yourself. In short, something you do to enjoy yourself. The last thing she wants to see is you enjoying yourself! That really will hurt the relationship.

You've got to talk to her about what can you do. In my own marriage, he doesn't talk alot and it hurts us, I think, sometimes.

Answer 4

I used to work 12 hour shifts 4 days a week, come home, and nurse the baby/make dinner/etc. The difference was, my husband got up and did things.
SUGGESTIONS:
You can clean up the kitchen while she does baths, or vice versa.
Make dinner on at least one of your days off.
Wash, dry, and fold a load of laundry every day off.
Run the vacuum around once a week.
Mop the kitchen once a week.
Scrub the bathroom once a week.
Get your older boy to do some chores with you.
Play with the kids, so you can improve comforting skills.
You are the grownup - you don't get to do frustrated.
Take both kids to the park/zoo/walk so mom gets a break.
DON"T wait to be asked.
DON"T ask how to do it.
If you get tired on your day off, sleep when the kids sleep.
DO give your wife hugs/kisses without sexual motives!

Answer 5

You don't sound like a bad father or husband at all. You do what you can to help her and so far you've never said you order her to quiet HER children after a hards nights work. If you have family or friends able to take the kids for an evening or over night treat her to romantic dinner and alone time. Tell her you appreciate all that she does.

Answer 6

I think its often easier for the mother while theyre so young, to calm them down and deal with them when theyre tired. But when theyre a little older, you'll be able to take them out and have fun, and she can have a break. For now, just do what u can, and do get a babysitter at least once a week, even if just for a couple of hours, and go and have fun.

Answer 7

Take the boys to the park and let her take a nap. Help carry laundry to the washer, and help make dinners and lunches and breakfast. Tell her that you love her, and ask her how her day was and ask her if there is anything she would really like for you to help out with. You asked for help in being a better father and husband, and for that you deserve an award. Most importantly tell your wife how much you love her and tell her that you are proud of her for all that she does. Tell her how important she is to you, and that you don't know what you ever did without her by your side.

Answer 8

Congratulations new dad:)!

It may sound obvious and not very insightful, but have you tried talking to her about this? I think that if you tell her what you've just said here, about feeling bad because she does it all the time and feeling like you don't know what you're doing, that would be a great place to start. And of course that you appreciate everything she does;)

I know that's what I'd like my partner to do in the same circumstances.

Good luck mate.

Answer 9

maybe you should send her and a friend to a spay for the day while you take care of the kids. also try drinking more coffee during the day. also you could be helping clean up, or playing with the children instead of sleeping. don't worry my hubby is the same though, your not alone that's most dads.

Answer 10

I think that if you have a new baby and your working 12 hr shifts to support your expanding family, your doing everything you have to do. Your being too hard on yourself. Give yourself a break, every family has to make sacrifices and it sounds like your taking on your responsibilities very well. If you think your relationship is under strain then just continually reassure your wife that your trying your best. Make sure you notice all the little things she does aroound the house and with herself then she'll know that you do pay attention and that you do love her.

Answer 11

why don't you ask her what she needs you to do.She'll love it that you are thinking about her.i also suggest bringing home flowers and thank her for all her hard work.Also make dinner for her a couple of nights a week,take it from me i appreciate that ,sometimes the last thing a woman feels like doing is making dinner at the end of a long day.