if your husband/wife wanted to work things out with you but could NOT promise you that they wouldnt ever cheat on you again would you still try to work on the marriage? why or why not? what would you say to them if they said that to you?
2007-05-20 16:30:27 · 26 answers · asked by I♥Karma 4 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Personally I would say respect yourself enough to know that you're worth more than empty promises. Committed relationships are just that committed. If you're wanting to work things out then you should be able to say, I can't promise things will work out between us but I can promise I'll end things before I go outside our relationship. If he's not capable or willing to make this commitment to you then you have a tough decision to make. Is it really worth the risk knowing what he's done in the past. You know them better than us but remember that once trust has been broken in a relationship it is a hard long road for that person to prove they are worth of trust again.
Speaking from personal experience I never thought I would be willing to accept someone in my life who hurt me in that way but I did. Having placed my faith in God I was confronted with doing what he wanted me to do or following my gut instinct of kicking the jerk to the corner. I never thought it would be possible to feel any kind of peace when all this had happened but I did. It's amazing what things can happen when you turn thing over to him. During the night of confrontation I expected my husband to leave but something told me don't. Going against my better judgment the words that flowed from my lips felt like they were not my own. They expressed the level of pain I felt, how disappointed and how shocked I was that he would not only risk his own life but mine for purely selfish reason. In short I told him that only he had the ability to decide what he wanted. He needed to make a choice to commit to our relationship 100% in every way (husband, father, lover, friend, etc) or he needed to move on. If he choose to stay then he would have to give me whatever time it would take me to heal and never misstep again or I would use all the information and proof I had collected in order to ensure that me and the kids were cared for and protected from his behavior. He understood I was serious and ended up making the decision to stay. Once resistive to counseling he only engage in building our relationship through serious work. I will never forget what I have been through but I have learned to forgive and even trust. Don't get me wrong even after years there are times when I still wander but he's done what he said he would do. So in a nut shell boundaries need to be set up and the decision needs to be placed in the hands of the person who was unfaithful. They are the only ones who can make the change. If your concerned about the comment that he can't promise to cheat then ask him why you should waste your time and and energy.
2007-05-20 17:08:13 · answer #1 · answered by Orion 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
If your partner cannot commit to no cheating then why would the marriage need work? Trust is number one in any relationship, when you take your vows you promise to love, honor and cherish the other. You are not honoring your partner by cheating. You also promise to forsake all others when you get married. That pretty much says it by itself.
I would have to get out of the marriage. If you want out, get out, don't hurt others by your hormones driving you to do things you have promised before God, family and friends not to do.
Maybe we should petition to get marriage licensing to have an expiration date on them like all other licenses do! That way we don't have to re-up and there are no hassles about it if this is the way a marriage is going!!
2007-05-20 16:38:31 · answer #2 · answered by phxmilitarymom 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Would you marry someone who cannot promise you to be faithful? In one sense, this is like starting a new relationship.
But, be careful t not to throw away a marriage that can be mended. At the same time you don't want to be taken for a ride.
If your partner is not willing to promise that it will never happen again, you will be insecure all the time and your partner will find it easy to go astray, again.
You need the help of a third party that both of you TRUST. A marriage counselor would be good. Your spouse needs somebody to be accountable to. You need to go to the root of the problem. Standards of morality have to be established.
The first step for any healing to take place is True repentance. Pray, if you believe in prayer, and trust God to guide you.
Good luck
2007-05-20 17:03:15 · answer #3 · answered by lotus 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I'm not married, but to what I noticed is the spouse is contradicting. How can you want to work things but but at the same time is not sure if they can keep a promise or not.
That is a bunch of bs. If I was in that situation, I wouldn't fall for that crap. I will not stay with a person whom doesnt take me serious. Life is too short to waste time on such nonsense.
I would walk away and find someone that would appreciate me for who i am.
2007-05-20 16:42:10 · answer #4 · answered by pretty asian 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
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2017-01-10 11:41:27 · answer #5 · answered by santacruz 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
The only way I would even try was if the other person's movements, etc. were a total open book. However, I just reread the question, and without the PROMISE, then probably not - that means there wouldn't be full effort and compliance. That's them leaving the door open....
2007-05-21 02:16:21 · answer #6 · answered by Lydia 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
i think beyond the fact that cheating is wrong and you hurt ppl by doing it... past that we have to ask WHY? why do we or are partner cheat? something is normally lacking or they are just unfaithful and selfish... but them saying they cant promise they wouldnt cheat... u should ask if they are even sorry they hurt you...?? and why they would want to hurt you and you will not stay in a marriage where your going to be treated like this..etc
2007-05-20 16:45:13 · answer #7 · answered by RAIN 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I have a very close friend.. really I mean it. Anyway, he agreed to this very thing and guess what? about 2 years after she cheated again and they are now going thru the third go round of "wse are getting a divorce" she says her girlfriends drink and she finds other men. Like he is supposed to be okay with it.
My advice: move on
2007-05-20 16:34:42 · answer #8 · answered by jdesey 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
The would or could not promise that they wouldn't ever cheat again?
It's SO OVER!!! Kick that person to the curb like the bag of trash they are!!
2007-05-20 16:43:26 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
lol I'm an overly forgiving person so I'd probably give them another chance, pending they were honest about it. Actually, I respect the fact that this person couldn't promise they wouldn't cheat again. At least they're beign honest. Things can happen adn it takes a very stringwilled person not to allow them to happen.
2007-05-20 16:35:46 · answer #10 · answered by lilbeamlover 3 · 0⤊ 1⤋