A lot of times, it seems like getting good grades is more important to my parents than my own happiness. Sure, I get excellent grades--but, there's that emptiness. It's like there is still that little child inside of me that wants my parents' reassurance that they love me for me and not the things that I do--and that I am important. At 17, I am old enough to realize that all parents love their kids regardless the ways in which they show it. Somehow, it does not seem like they realize that kids grow up and if you don't seize the chances that you have to spend time with them, it will too late. They'll go to college, get married, have lives of their own, and you can't spend time with them in the same way. I just wonder if I am asking too much. Is it that they don't understand, or that my personality is totally different in that maybe my desires do not match other people desires. I mean my ultimate goal in life is to be a wonderful and loving mom. I am the personality type that
2007-05-20 15:09:54 · 9 answers · asked by Tiffany 3 in Social Science ➔ Psychology
if given half a chance won't probably abandon my job just for my kids.
2007-05-20 15:11:12 · update #1
Well, Tiffany, I suspect that some parents understand their kids and other parents don't. Just like some kids understand their parents and other kids don't. There is no one answer that covers all parents. I raised a daughter by myself and I can tell you that I was not as understanding as I could have been. Now I'm raising two step-daughters and my experience with raising my own daughter makes me much more understanding of the teens I have in my life now. Parenting takes practice just like anything else. :-)
2007-05-20 15:40:14 · answer #1 · answered by ronvanl@att.net 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Most interesting question... My guess is parents understand based on their own experience, most will behave as their own parents did with them or will go the total opposite way in how they are with their kids. The most important lesson that a parent needs to learn is that kids will eventually go, as you said to college, married, etc. and that hard as it is they need to keep a distance to allow their kids, even push their kids to do that... this may be a reason why parents keep a distance out of the love they have for you, they know they need to make you independent and help you move on. So the best is a balance, a parent that is present, shows love, demonstrates interest in all the life aspects of their children but keeps a distance that helps the children leave and build a personality, a life on their own.
2007-05-20 22:23:35 · answer #2 · answered by None None 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I used to hate hearing my mother compare my situation to hers when she was growing up! The times were completely different....or so I thought.
As I got older I realized that in one sense, she was right. There are some problems that are the same now as they were back in the days of the Roman Empire. There will always be the struggles of finding your place in the world. You will always have teenage drama. Parents and kids grow apart for a while. Teens fall in love and get their hearts broke and feel like nobody else understands. The problems stay the same, what changes is the setting they occur in. Back when I was a kid, teachers and doctors thought nothing of smoking in front of kids. There were no CD's, Computers, Airbags and so on. For that reason, the way things are handled today can be very different...but underneath it all...yes your parents DO understand and usually alot more than you give them credit for.
2007-05-21 00:22:11 · answer #3 · answered by J D 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Yes, parents do understand. They have been there, done that. They also have constant, excruciating fears for their children. You, the child, are the one who cannot possibly understand what it is like to be a parent, although your parents know from experience what being a child is all about.
You are wise, though. You can see and articulate something very important. Many parents try too hard to make sure that their kids can "make it" in the world, so they push them to excel to the point that it seems like they are not truly showing unconditional love. But make no mistake, it IS love they are showing, just imperfect love, laced with abject terror and personal insecurity.
I'm sure I am making mistakes with my kids, and I hope you don't make any with yours, but I predict that you will. Open up to your parents, ask them about their lives and their dreams. Tell them you don't want to miss getting to know them. Someday, be intentional with your own kids. Share yourself with them and try to find a way to stop holding on to your fears for them.
2007-05-20 22:41:39 · answer #4 · answered by greengo 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
As you live your life, you will discover more about yourself. You could be the complete opposite of your parents. You're almost 18 and you will be a woman at the age of 18, not a child. In otherwords, go with what feels right when you are an adult and forget about your parents. Some parents want their kids to be drug attics and others want their kids to be lawyers. Whatever they want does not matter because it is ultimately about what their kid wants to do with his or her life.
2007-05-20 22:29:05 · answer #5 · answered by robert f 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Try sitting down and explaining yourself to your family. They may not like it but hey you're 17 and it's time for them to accept the person you've become. As a parent I do understand and I don't try to fulfill my dreams through my kids but at the same time I would like to help them avoid the mistakes I've made that have caused me pain. Maybe that's all you're parents are trying to do. If you don't sit down and have a grown up conversation then you will never know.
2007-05-20 22:17:57 · answer #6 · answered by CandyCane76073 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
as a parent myself. i truly understand the pains of growing up especially teenagers. i learned my lesson the hard way when my child confronted me about this years ago and what a painful revelation but i have to admit my faults and mistakes. it's not easy to be a parent and i advise you to talk to your parents and they would surely understand. take time to relax from studying and go out with friends once in a while.
i'm scared that my daughter will get so stressed from all her homeworks and projects in school. so i always tell her to take a break and will drive her wherever she wants to go. you are a good daughter and you know what you want from life. learn to enjoy school while learning and balance your life with getting some time off from those homeworks.
for me, i'd rather see my kids happy and enjoying their life than having good grades. for good grades cannot compensate the years of unhappiness and stress that will cause them. it's your life and it's meant to be enjoyed in a good way. talk to them and believe me, they will understand. good communication is always the key. take care and good luck!
2007-05-20 22:40:01 · answer #7 · answered by Lola 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Parents know the adolescent stress. I know it is hard to believe but we had the same stressors in the 80s that you have now. They understand what you want. They see your life from a different perspective than you do. Let them know you want to spend more time with them. It will probably shock them. Let them read your question. I bet mom will cry.
2007-05-20 22:15:05 · answer #8 · answered by TAT 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
No, parents try to understand, but they just try to relate their child to themselves when they were the kid's age and then they get freaked out because they remember being that age and what they were faced with and how different the world is today and then they clam up and they don't get what is going on with their kid because they make it all about themselves.
2007-05-20 22:17:53 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋