how do you stay calm around people and find things to say? i need help, please?

Question

i know this sounds immature, but i suffer from social anxiety. i used to be able to talk for hours, around my friends anyway. now, even around some of my friends i cannot find things to say. it gets worse when i am around new people. i dont have any conversation starters. the new people i can not talk to and because i am in there presence i am nervous and cant talk to the friends i am comfortable with who are there. i am so scared that i am going to go blank and stay quiet forever. also, someone will invite me somewhere and its like, i can talk if we are sitting and listening to each other, but when we are in big groups i cant join the little groups that people will naturally divide into, do you know what i mean. i am afraid of rejection, and it prevents me from going up to people and acting like my true self. does anyone have stories i can learn from and any advice you can give me? that would be a big help. thanks.

let me clarify. it wasnt as severe earlier in life, like to the point where i couldnt have a conversation, but i was always shy.

Answer 1

One of the things I do is to take clues from people's clothing. If I see a golf club on somebody's shirt, it seems to be natural to ask if that person golfs, and if the answer is yes, then you have a conversation starter. Most people are very willing to talk about clothing, weather, sports, animals, and cars. If you ask guys about car advice, most of them will talk your ear off. Popular music is another favorite topic. You don't have to be profound, just friendly.

Answer 2

I have no idea who you are, but by what you wrote I can guarantee that you can talk perfectly fine.

This is probably what happened:

One day you must have had some awkward silences while talking with someone.

Then, wanting to avoid that in the future, you became conscious of what you say. However, while you are thinking of what to say, you're being silent.

Then, aware that you're being silent more and more often, you became not only conscious, but paranoid of what you say.

When talking to someone, you probably think "Oh, no, I'm quiet again. I don't know what to say. What should I say?"

But that's your problem right there. AVOID conversation starters or techniques. Talking is natural. Forget about your social anxiety for one day. Don't filter your thoughts and just say what's on your mind.

For example, when meeting a new person. Instead of thinking about your social anxiety, think about your curiosity. I mean, you must wonder where the person's from, what they like and stuff. So, naturally, ask them what's on your mind about them. Trust me, people love to talk about themselves. And so will you; after a couple of successful conversations your social anxiety will be all gone.

Trust me, what you're going through is not a social disability. It's no big deal, just be yourself and forget what others think about you. If you're confident about yourself and not self-conscious, people tend to warm up to you better.

If you want to talk with me to practice, feel free to. Just email me at [e-mail]

Answer 3

What changed, from what you used to be, to now? What is your age. You might not have social anxiety; maybe all you have is puberty, or new adulthood. Maybe you just passed a milestone in your life, and you haven't adjusted yet to the new circumstances.
You can stay calm by giving yourself extra things to do while conversing with people;- keep your eyes and ears open to what's going on around you. Be observant.

Answer 4

What happened? I mean, why the switch in your ability to be calm in public? There must be a reason, seek it out and you will be well on your way to solve the mystery.

It is all about psyching yourself out really, just push yourself to do it and do it. I know, easier said than done, but what's the alternative?

This is all about confidence really, build that up, convince youself you have something to contribute and value your own opinions.