Do we define ourselves through ordeal?

Question

Does it do any good to be told how to live? and it does it do any good to tell yourself how to live?

Do you have to learn it yourself, through ordeal.

Answer 1

We define ourselves through the way we respond to ordeal and whether or not we can adapt to respond better to the next ordeal.

Going through ordeals does not mean you will learn. You have to be able to understand why you are facing the same problems and find a permanent solution.

Being told how to live does not mean you are able to understand it and apply it to your life.

Answer 2

Depending on what you are talking about, people can prepare and possibly avoid many "ordeals" in life by listening to what others tell them or through instructing themselves. For example, I don't think you have to smoke or do drugs to know that it can be unhealthy for you. It may be possible to learn how bad something can be by engaging in something similar but not as risky, such as gambling can be as addictive as drugs, but often not as unhealthy, and you can feel what an addiction is like.
But there are some things that we must all go through that we cannot know how we will be affected by them or how they will affect us until we go through it, for example, the death of a family member or war or a fire. Some events in life have a lasting impression and I hope we all do well through the experience.

Answer 3

"It is not about getting "there" - not about destination. It is about learning and growing on our journey - it is about making enough progress to have the capacity to enjoy "here" as much of the time as possible. Balance is a shifting, changing, constantly fluctuating dance that we are learning to relax into - it cannot be forced, it cannot be restricted by some arbitrary and rigid beliefs about right and wrong. It is about each of us following our own path, our own Truth, in learning to align with the Truth that is Love."
***
"Because our ego was programmed to react to life from fear, negativity, scarcity, and lack (again due to emotional trauma we experienced, and the messages and role modeling of the adults around us) the disease focuses on and magnifies fear - and then it scrambles around trying to find something to cover up and repress the very fear it is generating. The disease blows the fear way out of proportion and then leads us to addictive and/or compulsive behavior as a way of stuffing the fear.
This is the essence of the dysfunction. We live our life reacting to fear, and shame, that the disease empowers and then "helps" us avoid by causing us to focus on something outside of ourselves as the cause and/or the cure for the core place within us where we feel empty - where we feel unlovable and unworthy."

"I had to learn to accept, and honor, my fears and my resistance - in order to stop fighting the growth process so much. Then I could start to align myself with the growth process and make my experience of life easier and more enjoyable. Then I could start to understand that faith is not the absence of fear - faith is having the courage to face my fears and walk through them so that I can reach the next level of growth."