I was having an affair with a married man - I know bad news - anyway, the affair was a friendship for a long while and it just progressed into an affair. His wife found out and he left her. We were a real couple for about one week after he left. He got an apartment and told me that he loved me and knew it was all going to work out. After a week he told me that she was the love of his life and he didn't know what he was doing cheating on her. Well she is divorcing him - he is living alone and has lost everything. We have not been in contact since he tried to go back to her. I should hate him, but I don't. And I believe that he really did care about me at least as a friend. His mom called last week and she said he would contact me when it was all finalized - do you think he will? I know I shouldn't want him too, but I love him. Should I just move on, should I try to contact him, should I just wait??? He was my bestfriend.
2007-05-20 12:52:15 · 8 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Because of human weaknesses, sometimes we make really poor choices in life... This is one of them... You lost your best friend as soon as you slept with him... Time to look for a new friend... You need to leave him alone right now cause the divorce has not been finalized and he might go back to her... Do I think he will contact you, maybe... But, because the cause of divorce was his wife finding out about YOU, I can almost guarantee that your relationship won't be starting out on a strong foundation... He will always remember your relationship as a mistake he made that cost him his wife... Sorry... not probably what you wanted to hear...
2007-05-20 13:02:28 · answer #1 · answered by Oula 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Dear RoseBlueBear:
He still is your best friend. And he is still your Love. And he is suffering more guilt right now than he knows what to do with.
How do I know this? Because I was where he is right now. I was married and had an affair and moved in with her and moved back out again. All the things you described.
Here is the problem that most people can't seem to get their heads around. He cheated. That's it - black and white. No, that's not it. It is not black and white. It is a rainbow of colors. And, if your man is anything like me, he has integrity and is honest and is a truly good human being. So the cheating and all the rest goes against his core. He has a huge problem, I think. He is fighting terrible demons.
If there are children involved, it may be best for him not to contact you as that may worsen his situation. You're not saying. Of course, in today's world, it may mean nothing.
I can tell you one thing he hasn't lost - he hasn't lost you. That's obvious from the things you're saying.
Now most people would say, "Oh give him some space, give him some time to sort things out." You can do that. But, let me ask you, is that going to help either of you?
Where is his mother in all this? What things is she saying to him? Especially about you?
If he is really your best friend, and you are really his best friend, then it sounds to me as if best friends need each other right now. So, here's a suggestion... If it's appropriate, call him up and say you would like to meet to have coffee and talk a little. Be willing to be honest with him. Ask him to be honest with you. Ask him what he's feeling. The neat thing about best friends is that they are really good at getting inside each other's heads without looking to hurt.
Tell him how you are feeling. And tell him you are there for him. Most important - communicate, communicate, communicate. I have put a lot of myself into this and your guy may be nothing like me. But I am hoping he is. If he is, he needs you now more than ever. He just may not be willing to admit that.
If there is love there, it can't go away. It will always be there. True love is. It's not a yes/no proposition. It is. It exists.
Oh - my situation? You might want to know about that. We've been together for nearly 16 years. There was an 11 year separation in the middle caused by my guilt and by my mother's meddling. Leaving my soulmate was the greatest mistake of my life. Coming home to her was the best thing I ever did for myself. We've had three glorious years together and have many more to come.
Good luck with it.
Patrick
2007-05-20 13:09:25 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Stay out of it! If he doesn't work it out with her, and he's still interested in you, he'll contact you. If he wants to be with her and you interfere, you may be sabotaging their chances. If he had the chance to be with you, and he chose her, doesn't that not bode well for your prospects? You're good enough to cheat with when he gets an itch, but not good enough to stay with! Is that the relationship you want? You should move on and not look back.
2007-05-20 13:05:43 · answer #3 · answered by oogabooga37 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
his head is spinning right now and he doesnt know what the hell he is doing with you or her , it is better that you just leave him alone for now and let hm clear his head first , because divorce is a very stressful thing no matter how easy it may be , i would just be ther for him if he needs to talk but i would never want to be with a man where you are just the repond .
2007-05-20 13:07:32 · answer #4 · answered by dawn p 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If he cheated on his wife, he might cheat on you. As the Romans might have said: "falsus in unius, falsus in omnibus."
If you do wind up with a permanent arrangement with this guy, watch him like a hawk. A large percentage of second marriages fail.
2007-05-20 13:04:49 · answer #5 · answered by Mark 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
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2007-05-22 20:29:42 · answer #6 · answered by niomi 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I guess trash and trash will go well together. Good luck.
2007-05-20 12:55:36 · answer #7 · answered by Mr. Ed 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I would just move on.
2007-05-20 13:02:02 · answer #8 · answered by itoshii_kikyou 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋