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My girlfriend "hyperthetically" mentioned having a threesome. She stated she wouldn't be comfortable doing it with another guy but could do it with another girl although she would feel jealous.
This has repercussions because if we did it with another girl she would eventually want another guy to join in.
I love her and even though I find the thought of a threesome exciting, I think it will cause trust and jealousy issues also leading down the path of regular cheating. If i didn't love her I would agree without hesitation.
Even though a threesome is probably every man's fantasy, my relationship is worth more to me than just sex alone.
Is a threesome just a form of consensual cheating, is it actually beneficial in a relationship?

2007-05-20 12:37:47 · 7 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships Other - Family & Relationships

7 answers

"She stated she wouldn't be comfortable doing it with another guy but could do it with another girl although she would feel jealous."

If this is the case, then she is not cut-out for swinging, and yes, a threesome between a committed couple and someone else is technically swinging. In this case you two should not go down this path.

"This has repercussions because if we did it with another girl she would eventually want another guy to join in."

If you are uneasy about another guy joining in and being with your girl, then again, you shouldn't be going down this path. Neither of you are emotionally prepared to experience these kind of fantasies.

At least you acknowledge that, though. Many don't then blame the act, not themselves for the problems they encounter in their relationship afterward.

Even if you never did a MFM threesome, the opportunity for it should at least be on the table if you expect a FMF threesome. It is only fair. And if you got yours, and her fantasy later on was a MFM and you said "no", then she would end-up resenting you.

"I love her and even though I find the thought of a threesome exciting, I think it will cause trust and jealousy issues also leading down the path of regular cheating."

I can tell you from years of swinging experience with my wife, that this is not the case. Swinging does not lead to cheating any more than not swinging leads to cheating. If a relationship is at the point where one person is going to cheat, swinging is not going to encourage that behavior. If someone is predisposed to cheating they will do it regardless. Cheating, not swinging, is a character flaw. Now there are those that use swinging to try to "fix" a waning relationship and think that swinging will prevent their spouse from cheating. But they are far off. Their spouse probably already has, or already is cheating on them.

Luckily this does not represent the majority of swingers. Most swingers are very much in love with each other, trust each other implicitly, honor each other in every way, and are loyal to a fault with each other.

"If i didn't love her I would agree without hesitation."

I always love this comment. The fact is I love my wife enough to let her be herself. I trust my wife enough to let her be who she is. Her gift to me when were were married was pledging the give of sexual monogamy to me. Her sexual freedom is a gift I gave back to her. And she to me. Our relationship is about more than just sex. If it was just sex then we could have married any number of people we dated before we met or we'd both still be married to our ex's, because we had great sex with them, too. The fact is, that no one else is what we are to each other. We are great sex and everything else. We are each other's best friend, companion, lover, confidant. Because I love her I cherish who she is, not just what she represents to me. She is my soulmate.

"Even though a threesome is probably every man's fantasy, my relationship is worth more to me than just sex alone."

That is exactly what I was just saying above. But some are able to have the openness sexually and not threaten the primary relationship. Others, like you admit about yourself, are not cut-out for it. And that is just fine, just like the way my wife and I live our life is just fine. Different strokes for different folks. I would no more proclaim everyone should pattern their relationship after ours than I would want someone to say I should pattern ours after them.

"Is a threesome just a form of consensual cheating, is it actually beneficial in a relationship?"

Is it just consensual cheating? No, I don't think so, because we don't bring others into our sex life as a replacement for each other. It is additional sex, not replacement sex. We are very satisfied with each other and we are not looking for anything else. We are simply living our fantasies because we can. Because we are not the jealous sorts and are very committed to being with each other. We swing as a couple, for us as a couple.

Has it benefited us? Yes it has. It has brought us closer together in ways we never thought it would. It started out as experiencing our fantasies and all of sudden there was the added benefit of more open communication. We can talk to each other about anything and everything now. Not just sex. But money, love, life, dreams, hopes. And we are not worried that what we say will anger the other. We became a couple on a much deeper level then we ever were before, and we had a great relationship beforehand.

But again, the way we do life is not the way everyone should do life. You have to live it as you are comfortable with. And you know that you could not go there without issues afterward. So in your case, the fantasy is better left just that... a fantasy.

You, unlike so many others, seem to have your head on straight about what you are and what you aren't. You're on the right track.

2007-05-20 17:24:10 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 1 0

Girlfriend Threesome

2016-10-02 11:36:06 · answer #2 · answered by ? 4 · 0 0

Works best with two guys and one woman. Women are alot hotter and more active and fun with more than one guy . Me and my friends have threesomes, foursomes, etc. with my wife for years now. Most people who mention reprocussions never even had threesomes to even know what they are saying. If there's trust and faith, then reprocussions are just fabrication from those who really aren't self aware in what they do anyway.

2007-05-22 03:06:11 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0 0

The best and only way to do a threesome without repercussions is to do it with 2 women who you are not in a relationship with. That way it's only about the moment and enjoying it.

2007-05-20 12:49:56 · answer #4 · answered by WestCoastin4Life 7 · 1 1

Don't do it. If and when you both feel comfortable with each other maybe you might want to experiment with different things sexually. Clear;y though, neither of you are mature enough to try things like this yet so it will end in heart ache

2007-05-20 17:26:17 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0 0

in your case No. both of you said that you would both feel jealous afterwards and it would ruin a wonderful relationship you have with each other. Well consensual and cheating don't go along. its not cheating since she's very well aware about it and she suggested it. but it would be in all of your best interest not to do it at all.

2007-05-20 12:44:16 · answer #6 · answered by bunnygrl43 5 · 2 0

This is a recipe for a disaster and a lot of hurt feelings. DON'T.

2007-05-20 13:13:53 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0 1

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