How do I tell my wife I am done having sex with her?

Question

She isn't any good in bed and I can't stand to have her touch me.

I don't want any advice that involves counselors or a behavior change on my part... I tried all of that for years... I just want her to not touch me sexually... and I need a way to tell her that won't make her leave... I want my kids to have a stable marriage for the remainder of their home life. I can be good friends, but after trying for years... I am exhausted and no longer feel anything sexually for her. It's like trying to have sex with my sister.

It took her 22 years to make me feel this way. One lousy experience after another.

Answer 1

Just tell her that this is not working out. you want out of this relationship and maybe in a different lifetime, and better world this could have work.

Answer 2

You might start by asking her how she feels about another couple who divorced and have kids.

When she comments on how it's just not fair to the kids, tell her you feel the same way. Tell her you think it's better to hang in there at least until they leave home.

Then tell her you need some space. You only want to move into the den. You don't want to break up the family.

Then respectfully move out of her room, and into yours. It's a little weird, but for couples who are not involved in outside relationships, it seems to be the better option. Assets remain intact and finances are not disrupted. Divorce makes both parties very poor. Which makes the kids poor.

Focus on the kids. Do the household chores, and teach the kids to, too. Let her see that you will be a better partner once you resolve the issues that stress you now.

By no means mention any intent to make the arrangement permanent. It's insulting. Downplay it as much as possible and present it in the light that it is something you need to resolve for now. Eventually, it will become routine, and you will not have offended her.

Answer 3

Ouch! there is no gentle way to tell her something like that. Once you tell her, Your life and your marriage will never be the same. Expect her to leave you, or better yet put you out. What has she done so bad for you to feel the way you do? You said you tried counsellors and behavior changes, but have you really tried your best? Maybe you should try falling in love with your wife the mother of your children all over again.

My question to you is, if you don't want to have sex with your wife, who/what /and where are you getting it from? This is going to have some major emotional, physical and psycological effects on her for a long time to come. It will take her a long time to ever trust a man again.

Answer 4

An open relationship may be your only option, something your wife may not agree to. There will be no easy way to talk about this to her but it has to be done. ASAP... sit her down at a time where you will not be interrupted by anyone including the kids. Just explain how you feel but stick to the facts don't try and color coat anything just be blunt and keep it simple, trust me you will feel better when things are out in the open. Don't leave anything out but don't fall off the subject. If you don't talk to her about this now you might end up spending another 22 years un-happy and un-satisfied. By not talking about this your only hurting her more. Your a very good man for trying to keep the family together, but don't forget about what makes you happy to.
Intimacy-
the state of being intimate.
a close, familiar, and usually affectionate or loving personal relationship with another person or group.
I'm sure you will find what fits best for you and your relationship. If that means a divorce, well i'm very sorry.

Answer 5

wow. that's a tough one...no woman wants to hear that u dont find her sexually attractive anymore. Is there anything she could do that would change ur opinion of her? maybe not writing it off all together might be a better way to approach this. talk with her and see if there are any changes u would like her to make that she would be willing to make...if that doesnt make u want her then i dunno...this is so weird...i have never heard of a man not wanting sex with his wife...do u still have a desire for sex at all? is it just her or is it you?

Answer 6

I think she should know. Is there anything she can change about herself that would make you feel the way you used to? Dont you also take into consideration the fact that you are wasting your life and hers so your kids will have a stable life. If you have done your job, your kids will be fine, kids are pretty resilient.

Answer 7

guess what mate you will have to leave i did the same after 22 years i could not stand him as for the kids they are better of now that before because they could sense i was not happy they are not mad you know well i met some one else and married him and sex is great in fact i think i must have been dead for 22 years so be brave and go for it

Answer 8

She may have figured it out for herself already, but if she still has sexual needs, don't be surprised if she fulfils them some place else.
As for talking about it, she may even feel the same way, be open honest and be prepared to find another place to live if she is not open to this discussion.

Answer 9

That sounded pretty good to me...just tell her like you told us...and tell her she can date as long as she does it outside of the house and the kids don't know. I mean, she IS a woman and just because you don't wanna...you know. Be fair. I think you should just come right out with it ...good luck and happiness to you both.

Answer 10

Alright, this may not be what you want to hear, but has she indicated any desire to improve relations? There are couples workshops that would concentrate on sensuality and mutual support as wel as sexuality. Go to tantra.com

Answer 11

You might not need to say anything, just stay occupied and she might get the hint. And if she does bring it up, you can tell her the truth, if she cares, maybe she'll give more effort, if not, well, make it a business arrangement.