Husband and p o r n, thanks answers to previous question?

Question

No one has said anything that has really hit the spot yet. I have offered to look at p o r n with him in the past but he's never taken me up on it. Not sure how to react now. I want to really really hurt him. Please read my previous question and if you are a guy tell me what would really hurt you if you were caught out like this! i'm serious

Answer 1

Here's the other question for anyone that is interested

http://answers.yahoo.com/question/index;_ylt=AvheWgEDgQPQDk0kCEXPKCfB7BR.?qid=20070520145751AA8XZzu

Nowsadsue needs to clarify what's most important to her. Most of the other responders have said, and I agree, that they don't get her sense of outrage about him watching porn when they are swingers and do things that "others might not do" in bed. For some reason you keep attracting men who are not viewing your relationship with them as an entire entity--at least based on your question--and you keep allowing them to reduce it to a sexual level. I'd rather him be watching porn than sleeping with someone else ESPECIALLY when I'm around. If you want some things in your marriage to be sacred you are going to have to treat it as such and quit stepping outside of your marriage.

Answer 2

Havent read your previous question. By catching him looking at porn and telling him probably is the worst thing you could do. His secret is out and probably is no longer the thrill it once was before you discovered him. There is no real need for revenge here as it would really serve no purpose and even self satisfaction would be short-lived. What is good for the goose is good for the gander too. Fight fire with fire. There is nothing from stopping you from looking at porn too or at least giving him this impression. He will soon see the error of his stupid ways and either start sharing or stop all together. Or a more ultimate drastic type thing would be to threaten to show up on his porn sites in letting him know youre still around but then if you did that and the picyures accidentally got out, not a pretty picture so this would have to be a threat only unless .. I cant go there. Good luck

Answer 3

I don't understand why you would want to hurt someone you claim to love.
I don’t know how much news you watch, but about three weeks ago they reported that over 80% of married men had some form of porn “stanched” either at home or work.

The reason he watches porn maybe:
1. He has a hidden sexual desire, that he feels you would find repulsive.
2. He cannot trust your reaction if he was honest with you. Hey, after all you state you left your last husband over this issue.
3. Obviously he finds something in the porn scenes, that is not in your relationship, it could language during the act, hose, garter belts, heavy moaning, bare....., oral, role play, and etc.

What ever draws him to porn, does not mean you should agree to be involved in what ever he desires. Fantasies often should be left to just being fantasies. If you find something repulsive, just state that fact, no name calling or harsh voiced opinion will keep open any line of communication on the subject.

Have you considered telling him it hurts your feelings that he is not more open with you and you feel betrayed. And your offer to watch the porn with him is sincere. You want to know what makes him tick.

The dog thing is a more than a little over the line for me, and I am rather open-minded on most sexual issues when it comes to consenting adults. Also, what others may enduge in, I normally can accept, I just don't have to part of it.

Answer 4

I didn't read your other question, however I have a different (?) perspective on the porn thing. Why worry about it?? I mean men are drawn to visual stimuli. That is the nature of their being. If looking at the porn does something for him, then let him. Perhaps he doesn't want you to look with him, because you have protested. Or maybe because society has pounded it in our heads that porn is EVIL, and it is just two people having sex, that was taped. Big deal. Remember that he married YOU. He is YOUR husband. They are just fantasy. Maybe try becoming his porn queen, do the crazy things that he likes to watch. My husband used to watch porn-before we were together, and a little in the transition to me/us-once he found out I was happy to be his whore in the bedroom--he stopped. I am an excellent mom, a good wife, and a whore in the bedroom. My husband and I have a healthy sex life (5-7x a week), we have a young baby (8mo) and a older son (12). I never forget to be his lover--no matter what--and he never fails to satisfy me during sex- NEVER. I will try everything once, and if it is good we do it again. Stop making such a big deal out of it--it is kinda like reverse psychology--if you don't make a big deal of it, then it won't seem like such a big deal. He isn't doing this to hurt you, he is doing it from the male sex drive, from pure hormones. It doesn't mean that he will leave you, that you aren't good enough, or anything else about YOU--it is simply about the male desire to WATCH. Best wishes!!!!

Answer 5

I would feel like hurting him too and so would a lot of other women because I've seen other people asking questions like these on other sites.

So don't let people make you feel stupid for feeling that way. Thats just how you feel and they don't understand because they view the issue in a different light.

The trick is NOT to hurt him! Just because you feel like hurting him doesn't mean that you are. I don't know why people can't differentiate a persons feelings and reality.

You just want to know what would help you illustrate to him how this hurts you emotionally I think... not that you want to know what shoes to wear when you kick him in the balls or whether a salad fork or a dinner fork would best to stick him with (go with the one they use to roast hotdogs!! just kidding DON'T!).

The male ego is a fragile thing in a different war than they female ego it seems... If you crush it he may resent you forever.

Don't literally hurt him. Just let him know how deeply hurt you feel, and that he can expect you to be very angry because this is really discouraging and frustrating!

I can't believe he even continued this when you already offered to watch it with him! What a jerk!!!

I would be SO PISSED!!

He's going to have to do some major sucking up!

I say the balls in his court not yours!!! You already tried to make a concession for his needs!!!

Don't let your anger get the best of you too much....

Maybe give him a little anger but three times more guilt trips...

What a jerk!!! You even felt comfortable enough to swing with him!!!!

Too much anger will make you come across as "psycho" no matter how much you are entitled to be angry.

I don't blame you for being pissed one bit!!

Confront him as soon as possible!! Don't stew over it that can make it worse for you and the relationship later!

Answer 6

You want to hurt him? So you think the solution is to hurt him? Come on woman, grow up. Hurting him won't help your marriage at all. You talk to him. You tell him that he said he was throwing it away and didn't need it anymore. You tell him that your open marriage and swinging are supposed to satisfy all sorts of sexual needs. You tell him that lying and sneaking are not options, and he needs to come clean with you. Find out why he wants so badly to watch these things tht he's willing to hurt you. Put him on the spot and see what he says. THEN if you haven't gotten anywhere but a dead end, hurt him by kicking him out. Why put up with it in a second marriage? Although I have to say that if you two are open enough to do swinging, it does seem a bit odd that you would take issue with the porn.

Answer 7

Sorry, but I won 't be party to your hurting anyone for any reason. IF you are not happy, then leave and let it go. You are poisoning yourself with your attitude. .. better you than me. I guess I am just old fashioned, but if the man wants to occasionally jo with porn, I fail to understand how this hurts you. If you were not getting sex, I could understand it. But to be jealous of a DVD is more than unreasonable, it is seriously insecure. I suspect HE is the better one to be rid of you, not the other way around. I know I sound brutal, but you need an attitude adjustment. What did you expect him to say knowing how you feel about porn? I am still trying to figure out how this has hurt you...I am at a loss here.

Answer 8

am i able to ask why you acquire married interior the 1st place? Why could get married and swing and permit your husband to observe porn? i will inform you're an especially insecure man or woman. because of the fact in case you have been maintain with your self you may see which you're greater desirable than sufficient to your husband. i do no longer understand why the porn bothers you lots and the having intercourse with human beings does not. It is mindless to me. besides the undeniable fact that, permit the guy have it sluggish to himself. You sound as in case you have chose to be in touch in each ingredient of his existence, anybody desires some area. permit him watch his porn by using himself. in keeping with probability he does not elect you to observe it with him and does not elect to wreck your feeling. purely pass away it by myself, in case you're pleased with each thing else on your relationship, permit him have his porn. If infidelity does not hardship you the porn shouldn't the two. I purely desire you earnings sufficient self-properly worth to attain you do no longer could desire to demean your self to have a chuffed marriage.

Answer 9

You have a new profile now one can see you old questions. Stop being insecure about your husband watching porn.

Answer 10

ask him if there's anything he wants to talk to you about. tell him that you're always there for him and if he doesn't respond then ask him directly why he still has porn. tell him how bad it can be and how it's going to ruin your relationship. let him know that you love him but make sure that you're firm about him getting rid of the porn