he is 43 its been happening for 2 weeks he says its love i say its lust. he has gone to be with her now any one out there with any thoughts????
2007-05-20 11:18:38 · 44 answers · asked by ms j 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
do you have any children? weight out everything and don't appear too devastated. you stay in control if you show him you'll be fine without him its a major blow to his ego. you take charge and kick him out. if it's just a fling he'll get it out of his system or be dumped and come crawling back to you. HE did the damage so don't give him the satisfaction of being a broken woman =)
2007-05-20 11:47:58 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Go file for child support. you don't need a lawyer and it doesn't necessarily stop if he comes back. Just go to Family court and fill out the paperwork honestly. They will notify you of a court date. CS is retroactive to the day you file.
Watch him go and have a good laugh. She's gonna chew him up and spit him out. Minus his ego. You are about to become his shining goal.
File for visitation, too. Be very generous. He can have them all summer.
In the meantime. Don't punish, or complain or otherwise criticize his stupid decision. Keep conversation to a bare minimum. Dress nice, wear your makeup and make him very uncomfortable. He's knows he's wrong.
Say things like "When you come home you're gonna freak on how big the kitten got." or "I'm painting the porch and it's gonna look great by the time you come home." Like he's on vacation or something.
Make sure he gets those kids. At least every other weekend, if not every weekend. Miss 26 has no intention of playing Mama, which usually makes a big fight. (Just read some of the questions on here..)
I find these guys only last a max of 3 months when they pull this. so, the ball's in your court, just know it now. Decide what the stipulations will be when he comes crawling back, so much the wiser.
2007-05-20 13:00:06 · answer #2 · answered by Puresnow 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I hope the first thing you said was "Did she laugh when you got undressed?"
It may be a middle aged fling, one that he will come to regret, a last gasp at being the macho man he once was, but why do you care? The fact is that he is weak enough to cheat, shallow enough to leave you for a 26 year old who thinks hes the smart and worldly and will learn better. Gather as many financial documents as you can so you have something to give to the lawyers, change your locks, make sure he pays the bills. If he never does that either then look at this as a get out of marriage free card. Its better to be alone than to cater to a loser like him. If you have kids, they will get over it. Its funny how little living with a young woman is the same as living with a wife he won't enjoy it half as much as he will pretend to.
Good luck to you. Stay strong, do what you need to.
2007-05-20 11:39:29 · answer #3 · answered by justa 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
He never gave you any sign that he wasn't happy, just one day came in and told you about this affair. I wouldn't mess with him for one more day, he told you he loved someone 26 years old and you know he is with her now. You go to a good divorce lawyer tell exactly what you told us and that you want a divorce on adultery, take him to the cleaners. Make him leave give you the house , everything you have accumulated, file for support and if you have children ask for as much child support as you can get. Break him that way his little sweet thing want be so sweet when he can't afford a movie.
It isn't just lust he is going through a midlife crisis that is the way it goes. Women get older and men get younger, he want come back, I wouldn't have his sorry a** back, kick him out.
That happens all the time and they get to thinking their cute and act young, their are just stupid and silly a old man trying to act young is the most disgusting thing in the world.
2007-05-20 11:42:34 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Mid life crisis ?? Only you can know really why this happened .
Did everything seem OK until now ?? or did you see this coming ??
What ever the reasons it must be very hard for you.
It is difficult, and much harder to take , when a younger woman is involved.
If you want him back try to discover what it was that made him go. Maybe you are at a lose for reasons, there isn't always tangible ones.
If he says it is love, he may very well feel that now. Time will tell won't it ??
Sorry I can't help more, all the best !!!!
2007-05-20 11:33:37 · answer #5 · answered by Dolly Blue 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It won't take long for a 26 year old to find out that a 43 year old can't keep up, in many ways. He will find out that the grass in not greener on the other side. The best advice is to take care of yourself and make sure you get everything you deserve and that she gets all his baggage, bills, kids, dirty clothes, etc. It is the best revenge. I am going through something similar after 30 years of marriage, only mine picked a supposedly recovering alcoholic and the company tramp, they worked together so he has heard all the stories and still got involved. Mine has already had a heart attack and heart surgery since leaving, think he is finding out he is not as young as he used to be. Good luck to you.
2007-05-20 12:01:18 · answer #6 · answered by tannerlady 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Here are some realistic thoughts. Eighteen years is a long time, and you have stayed together for some reason. People do make mistakes and yes, it is more likely lust -vs- love. But, can you ever feel the same about him again? Will you be able to trust him again? If you are trying to convince him that it is just lust, and he is arguing otherwise, maybe he simply wants out of the marriage. Keep your dignity in-tact, if he wants to work it out and you are willing to try, go for it, but don't beg him to stay!
2007-05-20 11:29:32 · answer #7 · answered by Ms.GretaL 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
oh boy, i am really sorry to hear that you're going through this pain. First what would you like? If you still love him and think there may be a chance then you can start seeing a therapist ( to build tools to help you out) and see if he is going to come back. Or you can just file for divorce and get on with your life. This 26 yr old will grow tired of him eventually because she is going to want some young stud. Face it, we build them up, take care of them love them (even when getting older) and they think that they are the ladeda for all women. Mine has cheated but hasn't left. I know for a fact if his butt left after everything i've gone through for him he would be hit with divorce papers right away.
2007-05-20 11:28:17 · answer #8 · answered by wilfeistykitten2003 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Right now, this very minute--go around your house, get copies of every financial record you can get your hands on.....and take those copies to a safe place (your mom's, your sisters, your best friend, whatever) and then Monday am you call a divorce attorney.
You insist that he move out...YOU don't move, he does. Pack his bags. Get him out of the house.
You start moving forward with the divorce. Maybe he will come to his senses, mayube he wont. But dont waste one single second on the Maybes. You act like this thing is over and do everything possible to protect you (and any kids you have) to the maximum degree possible.
He may well snap out of it. If he does, do not automatically take him back. Get him out of the house, get in counseling and don't you dare sleep with him again until such time as (if) he m oves back in and has been tested for AIDS.
2007-05-20 11:28:13 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 5⤊ 0⤋
i'm sorry to hear that. it's never easy to learn stuff like that it make u want to think of the worst things to do. if u love him and he's willing to get counselling and sort things out give him a chance - look at it this way if u were the guilty party u would want him to give u a chance. on the other hand if u think u will not forget and continue to bring it up when u guys have an argument i guess it's best to leave. but most of all trust God to help u to make the right choice. wish u well.
2007-05-20 11:25:55 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
Sorry to hear that - Don't let him back and he probably will want to come back when he has had his fun. Speak to a good solicitor regarding divorce and get the wheels in motion. Presumably you are the same age as your husband so you are young enough to get our there and start again. You need to look after yourself now and be strong. Use the time he is away from you to reflect on his behaviour and how bad this has been. Good luck. x
2007-05-20 11:25:53 · answer #11 · answered by Bexs 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋