Can this sentence be structured better?

Question

Somehow he had transported them to, of all places, his Boss's ship, and not just to his ship, but to the Boss himself.

It looks and feels awkward. I have a few similar to this. Is there a better way to fix it?

Answer 1

If you don't want to do major surgery, try a period. As in:

Somehow he had transported them to, of all places, his Boss's ship. And not just to his ship, but to the Boss himself.

And can start a sentence once in a while for effect; just don't overdo it.

Answer 2

Of all places, somehow he had transported them to his Boss's ship, and not just there, but to the Boss himself.

Answer 3

He transported them to his boss's ship, of all places, and not just to his ship but to the boss himself...thought I would just give it a try

Answer 4

He had transported them somehow to, of all places, his Boss's ship---not just to his ship, but to the Boss himself.

Answer 5

Using a lot of modifiers like the way you used "of all places" could be confusing, but I don't find anything wrong with your sentence. If you want to have a more cohesive sentence, try my suggestion:

"Somehow he had transported them to his boss's ship, of all places. Even worse, it reached the boss himself."

You could actually take out the modifiers and reflexives like "himself" and "of all places," but if you do want them in your sentence, place them at the end of the sentence in order to not only emphasize the situation, but be cohesive and sound right as well.

Answer 6

Somehow he had transported them to his Boss's ship. Worse than that, they encountered the Boss himself.
-MM

Answer 7

its gramatically correct.

however, you do not need "of all places" and "and not just to his ship", which are added for emphasis

Answer 8

you should split it into two sentences. and take out the "of all places"