Lonely and depressed...?

Question

I am a 22 year old gay asian male who has been dealing with loneliness and depression on and off for a long time now. I am about to graduate from college but instead of feeling happy and hopeful, I feel like I've lost most of my hope in life over the past few years. I have a great family, but I know they don't approve of my homosexuality and wish I could change. I often wish I could change as well bc I feel like an outcast in the gay world...bc I'm asian, guys mostly ignore me...it's like i'm invisible or diseased. I guess it doesn't help that I don't fly a rainbow flag and am usually turned off by flamboyant, in your face gay guys. I don't really fit in with the straight world either...I've lost contact with most of my friends who are all living their lives, meeting great people and starting relationships. I feel like I'll never have the things they have...so I just figure I might as well get used to being lonely. How have you dealt with your own pain?

Answer 1

Hello! It sounds like you need someone to talk to, openly. Iam an American guy living in China right now, e-mail me and we can talk!

Answer 2

I'm not sure where you are but there are tons of gay asian males in the UK who fit in.

1. Depression
As you're depressed, it would be worth speaking to your GP about this, especially as this has been for a 'long time now'. You're situation isn't the best, though your relationship with it and yourself could change. It might be feasible for you to have medication and/or therapy. Usually chronic depression is best treated with both of these approaches, to get long term riddance of it.

2. Loneliness
I'd suggest a couple of things to help change things. Firstly, find some gay social network groups that could help you feel like you fit in and get some more from your life. There are dining groups, outdoors and sports groups or other special interest groups where the emphasis is not on meeting others for sex or dating etc. Though they could lead to it, it's just not the primary purpose.

In the UK there is the Gay Outdoor Club (Local groups across UK), there's a gay dining group in London called Out&Out, to name a couple of organisations. There's also a friendship/relationship - non-sexual website, that also has uk get togethers -Outeverywhere (I so hope that you're in the UK, after putting all this stuff - if not, there should be similar stuff in your country). Web links are below.

Many gay people do not 'fly the rainbow flag' they just get on with their lives, in their own way. Away from the pub and club scene, things are somewhat different, and you'll perhaps find people more accepting of who you are as a person. Interest groups can help, as there's a motive for people to get together, other than talk about themselves or find a partner etc.

Just some quick thoughts, to help you get your life back on track. It seems important to me that you get support from others, and share more time with people too.

Good luck! Rob

Answer 3

While I'm not gay, I've in my late 50s, have never married, and my girl friends have been few. I know the loneliness and the despair that comes with it. But I have God in my life and that has very much helped me cope with my situation. I've known of gay guys, who through the goodness of God, became straight and went on to marry and have familys. As for myself, I have a close circle of friends. And many friends in my church. That helps a whole bunch. I am a long distance truck driver so I am alone most of the time. But God is always with me helping me find parking places in the middle of the night when parking places for 'big trucks' are scarce to none. God has a plan for your life as He has for mine. And, God is always there to talk to. And you'd be surprised at how a conversation between you and Him can make wheels start turning. That's all I know to tell you. Good luck my friend, and God bless.

Answer 4

hmm....at last someone who's going through the same situation as I am. I could even be asking the same questions and the same things that you have mentioned in your question. Maybe you are a clone of mine whom I don't know about. Where are? If your're in the U.S. or Canada, come down to Saskatoon and maybe we can have a good cry together. I am about to finish college in a year and I still keep telling myself that I have lost a great part of my life because I am gay, especially, you know, the love and relationship part. If you want to talk about it I can contact you if you are willing to speak.

Answer 5

I'm so sorry to hear you're feeling this way. I have been feeling very depressed lately, too. I've been questioning my sexuality lately, but I don't think that I'm gay or bi. I was molested for 8 years by my brother (I'm a girl), so I think that I just am trying to run away from men. When I feel myself becoming negative in my thoughts I just try to keep the negative thoughts away, make myself relax, or do something that I really enjoy. It's really hard to motivate myself to do this, but I feel much better. If you'd like to talk please let me know.

Answer 6

It's okay. I think we all have gone through that stage at some point in our lives being gay. You'll find someone, sooner or later. You don't have to change because thingas aren't bright right now. Just make the best of what you got and things will go your way when you least expect it. Just be optimistic.

Answer 7

I'm sorry your depressed but you may want to seek counseling or take some initiative and go out and try to find someone yourself. Besides I don't know who you've talked to but Asian is not typically a turn off, quite the opposite actually.

Answer 8

reading Ur story it's really sad cause i could feel how much Ur unhappy and lonely . my Friend me also I'm always dealing with depression on and off but what i can tell u that no one care about u ,if Ur happy ,sad ...no body but more, z persons suppose 2 help u give u confidence, r z persons who hurt u and kill u more and never understand .so never lay down so others can step on u . don't care u r like this and those who like it welcome and if not better 2 close a window bringing distUrbing wind. i know it's hard so hard but u have 2 work on ur self .good luck

Answer 9

Oh, boy..such a can of worms.!! You hit on too many ills in one question to answer any of them well. But here we go.
Your family has nothing to do with YOUR life, so put that one down now.! IT is yours to live, not theirs. So live it well, to your standards, not theirs.
An outcast? I doubt that...you are the one putting yourself on that island with your attitude about yourself and others. Some of the best men in the world are the ones who are fully out, do not care what others think of them...you are stuck in that hitherland of straight/gay. Get over yourself! You know full well that you are prejudging others with this kind of attitude. Some of the most fun guys I have ever met are flamers...perhaps I don't bed them down, but...they have led me to others that were just plain old exciting. Don't limit your contacts based on outmoded concepts...open up to fun and see where it leads.
Many Asians I have known have some kind of pristine attitude (cultural, perhaps?) that they have to be in love to have sex...if this is you, hang it up! You are never going to find love that way....in this world, you screw, then you fall in love later. Hell, who wants to fall in love with someone that may be entirely unsuitable in bed? Not me, that's for sure.

Your being Asian has nothing to do with your single state. I have to admit that your field is more limited here in the US, but not that limited...there are many guys who will date only Asians..reverse discrimination?? who cares...it is how it is. IF you put yourself out there, drop the negative attitude, you will find what you are looking for. But if you continue down the path you are heading, you are going to be very lonely. Depression is not pretty on anyone. I do not want to play shrink to a date. Be fun, be fun loving. Be open. Be lovable. IF you do these things, you will strike gold quickly. If you don't you will be playing in a sand box all by yourself. Your future is up to you...you choose the path you want to take. As for me, I take the road that leads to Happyville. Good luck

Answer 10

You should surround yourself with people who accept you. Look into joining an organization for gay rights, connect with others online, and avoid folks that will bash you.