ive been seperataed from my husband for 2 months today please help?

Question

my husband and i seperated we both agreed on it and we have not spoken to each other for the whole two months im feeling pretty good now but ive heard from a few people hes d oen terrible not looken good and looks depressed so i called this morning and left a message on his machine and said i was gonna call him tonight at 10 pm and if he picks up the phone then we can talk im worried about him did i do the right thing here there was no cheating involved just our fights got out of control please give me some good advice ty so much jewels

Answer 1

You sound very sweet to be concerned about your separated husband of two months. That is a very nice gesture to leave the message and give him the opportunity to pick up the phone or not at 10. That is very thoughtful. Now if you talk with him and find out he is depressed, don't let him drag you down with him. It is his choice to see medical help for depression and the only thing you can do is to encourage him to do so. You know what? If he is depressed and gets help, then maybe you two can talk about trying again. Good luck, Sweetie.

Answer 2

My suggestion is that you re-ask this question and tell us how long you were married and what the fights were about.

Many, many fights have roots that have nothing to do with what you are actually fighting about. They are frustrations that come out every little chance over things like money or kids or family, etc. Sometimes it could even be that you enjoy your time together so little that being around each other is so undesireable that aggravation builds minute by minute when you two are alone together.

Do you miss him? You sound like you are concerned for his well-being maybe? But you don't seem to mention if YOU miss him.

I think seperations and divorce breed that feeling of "death" and then we start going through mourning and immediately start to forget the bad stuff. Like how when a BIG JERK dies we all go to their funeral and say kind things about him to each other...sorry to sound morbid... but divorce is just like death...but there's a ghost...and right now, your ghost is acting depressed and not looking very happy to spectators.

Also, if you're feeling pretty good like you say, then most likely you are the person in the marriage that was a lot more fair and honest and mature during the relationship....obviously, you're not sitting around in a depression...and you're not plagued with regret...which causes people to be depressed. Maturity also means that you probably have a pretty evolved heart and therefore, are worrying about your husband because you DO have a heart.

People don't seperate because they are happy. And usually the person who does "ok" after the split is the person who was the most mistreated during the relationship.

My husband and I recently split for a short time and while he was gone, so was the tension and alot of unhappiness. He came back and so did the tension and unhappiness.

Be careful. Don't let your heart for this man take away your right to yourself and your happiness and your joy.

Good luck! :-)

Answer 3

Jewel,
You were married so that means you believed in something - faith wise, unless you went to the Justice of the Peace. With that said I want you to know I was where you are but I was separated and living together. Either way it was painful. I felt that I was going to hold on as we had been together for over 17 years and married for 7 but the truth is he started to find comfort in a female friend at work. It has been a month since I found out and it has devastated me….but I still love him unconditionally. The difficult part is if we love someone unconditionally we will always love them regardless of whether we should be with them or not – we have cared and will always care unless we harden our hearts, which is not healthy for anyone. I want you to know that it is difficult for two imperfect people to stay together forever but they can, it begins with a choice. I don’t think what you did was wrong as long as you can handle it emotionally if he does not answer or call you back. I will give more insight as to what I have learned from my pastor if you are interested. I would love to help out – and I am sure it will help me heal as well. – God Bless!

Answer 4

The fact that neither one of you has initiated any communication at all in two months is surprising to me (not even about splitting mutual bills or anything like that?)

If the only reason you are calling him is that friends say he doesn't look good, and other than that you are happy as a clam with stuff.....maybe you should move foward with the divorce. If he is hurting it means he still loves you and/or wants to be married; if you aren't hurting in the same way, the marriag eis over. It takes two.

If you aren't happy with being separated, then I strongly believe you should get into counseling together. But if your life is really better and you are happier living without him--get it over with, get it behind you both, so he can move on to.

Answer 5

Everyone has disagreements, that's part of marriage. When 2 become 1 that means 50% of both of you has to go too. Marriage is hard, so is life. But regardless of what society says divorce is failure. Now there is all kinds of help out there. Some have turned to God, some to counseling, some just talk to each other.
Consider your vows. You never realize the severity of your choices until there's nothing you can do to change what is already done.

Answer 6

I was married for 13yrs and we got divorced. We really never spoke to each other after the divorce ( his girlfriend didn't like me) 5years later he got rid of the girlfriend and called me. I think I felt a lot of what you are feeling. I would call him let him know your worried about him. Sounds to me like you still love him. you have taken a break you never know you could end up back together we did and couldn't be happier.

Good luck

Answer 7

If you both love one another then try counseling before calling it quits.He probably does feel like crap.Usually the only ones who are tickled pink with a divorce is someone who completely and totally hates the other party.

Answer 8

If you love him and he loves you dont give up, There are alot of places to go for help,Seperation is good for a while, Lets you both think about what you miss the both in each other....Calling him was a good idea, lets him know you are thinking of him...I wish my x was as considerate as you......
Good Luck,

Answer 9

hi to you , the thing is you said you felt good, there is a reason for that. do not be fooled by the mans self pity, if you truly love this man go back, if you dont move on and carry on feeling good, he will pick up they always do , but any encouragement from you will be a disaster, if you are out of it and you felt happier then stay out . good luck

Answer 10

Its hard to know someone you love is going thru hell but guess what HE caused it. As a man he has to control his temper unless you are the one with the temper.

It sounds like you are doing well. So obviously he screwed up
Let him lie in the bed he made. If anything let him call you. Be strong.