A friend of mine is just out of a long term relationship and I have always known her to be kind, affectionate and loyal to her boyfriends. Recently she told me she is starting a sex only relationship with a man she has known for a couple months. They live about 45 minutes apart and see each other twice a week just to “sleep” together. She says she wants to concentrate on her career without romantic involvement. Is this a healthy relationship for a woman that has always been into monogamy? Is she just reaching out to this guy because she was hurt? Should I try to talk her out of it?
2007-05-20 09:37:50 · 12 answers · asked by Libby anne 2 in Social Science ➔ Gender Studies
No she doesn't seem in love. She seems to think he is funny and enjoys the time they spend together, but that is it.
2007-05-20 09:50:51 · update #1
You know your friend better then we do ... but maybe this is working for her. I would let her know how you feel (that you are concerned about her) and let her know that you will be there for her without judgment if she needs to talk.
2007-05-20 09:53:49 · answer #1 · answered by ecogeek4ever 6 · 2⤊ 0⤋
So they are basically what is termed fu** buddies. Well how long will this keep up before she begins to have feelings for him or vice versa is the question. I think guys would love this hookup with a woman instead of taking risks with a casual fling with different women at clubs and risking STDS. But the thing is that from what I have heard and learned is that these hookups usually don't last too long before one person or the other begins to have feelings for the other, while the other might not. So then it can become ugly and hearts broken, etc. I don't know, if she knows what she is getting into and is cool with it, then let her be. But, if you are concerned or think she might develop feelings for the guy and are worried that she might get her heart broken when she ends up wanting more and he doesn't, then this could be a problem. Is it healthy? I don't see what's wrong with having fun, and nothing more, but I am a guy too, so...It all depends on her. If he doesnt bother her, then it should be fine. But complications do seem to eventually, at one point or another do arise with these things, so it all depends, I guess. If only more women were like this, but many times complications come.
2007-05-20 21:14:14 · answer #2 · answered by Brennan Huff 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Let's leave aside moral "sin" questions for now.
This could turn out OK for her, but only if she can handle the long-term effects of any guilt. Most likely it will backfire at some point anmd she will be hurt.
There's a good chance that even though she can rationalize (as do many people who answer here) that it's OK for 2 consenting adults to do whatever they both enjoy, she might still be feeling inside that there's something WRONG. That's a recipe for self-hatred that never goes away w/o real work.
She might feel, later, that she cheapened herself to simply get sex - got way too vulnerable with some guy just for that.
She might also realize (probably not) that she is also using the guy. Sure, he's willing, but she cares nothing for him except as a sex toy.
If she's doing sex as a way to feel good about herself, well that's a real problem brewing there.
I advise against it because of the emotional/spiritual ties that always go with sex - no matter how much fun it is.
2007-05-20 17:20:53 · answer #3 · answered by Richard of Fort Bend 5 · 1⤊ 1⤋
If she's not getting hurt, and the guy she's seeing isn't, I don't see what the harm is. Those sorts of relationships are difficult to maintain in that casual state, as often one or the other ends up wanting something more. But, hey, as long as she's happy, safe, and nice to the guy, there shouldn't be a problem.
2007-05-21 02:39:07 · answer #4 · answered by random6x7 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If she wants a deep relationship somewhere down the line, this relationship might not work out the way she wants. Best warn her about that. If there's no chance of that — as in, the sex is great, but they're completely incompatible — it's fine by me. I wouldn't mind having that kind of relationship. Also, she should make sure he's healthy.
2007-05-20 19:35:42 · answer #5 · answered by Rio Madeira 7 · 2⤊ 0⤋
If they are both clear on the rules and neither one is at risk to be hurt then more power to them. Men have been doing this for years and have been laughingly referred to as "confirmed bachelors". If they enjoy each others company then sex is probably a bonus for both and obviously they are mature enough to take precautions. Sounds like they both have what they need for now and who knows it might change into a different type of relationship.
2007-05-20 19:11:32 · answer #6 · answered by Deirdre O 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
no it isn't a healthy relationship, possibly, and yes you should try to talk her out of it after 1-2 more weeks, do they actually seem in love?, if not then you Should talk her out of it, and just to see each other twice a week to "sleep" with each other, that ridiculace!
2007-05-20 16:45:34 · answer #7 · answered by claudia u 1 · 0⤊ 1⤋
This is for my girls all around the world (around the world) ... Who have come across a man that don't respect your worth (oh ooh) ... Thinking all women should be seen not heard (ohh) ... So what do we do girls, shout louder ... Lettin 'em know we're gonna stand our ground ... So lift your hands higher and wave 'em proud (ohh) ... Take a deep breath and say it loud (ohh) ... Never can, never will ... Can't hold us down
Nobody can hold us down ... (Hold us down) ... Nobody can hold us down ... (Hold us down) ... Nobody can hold us down
(Hold us down) ... Never can, never will
So, what am I not supposed to say what I'm saying ... Are you offended with the message I'm bringing ... Call me whatever 'cause your words don't mean a thing ... 'Cause you ain't even a man enough to handle what I sing ...
If you look back in history ... It's a common double standard of society ... The guy gets all the glory the more he can score ...
While the girl can do the same and yet you call her a whore ... I don't understand why it's okay ... The guy can get away with it the girl gets named ... All my ladies come together and make a change ... And start a new beginning for us, everybody sing ...
This is for my girls all around the world (Round the world) ... Who have come across a man that don't respect your worth
(Respect your worth) ... Thinking all women should be seen not heard (ohh) ... So what do we do girls, shout louder
Lettin 'em know we're gonna stand our ground ... So lift your hands higher and wave 'em proud (ohh) ... Take a deep breath and say it loud ... Never can, never will ... Can't hold us down.
2007-05-20 17:02:01 · answer #8 · answered by Giggly Giraffe 7 · 0⤊ 2⤋
In this day and age, this is normal. She is just looking for a fun time with no strings attached
She is not looking for anything serious because she just got out of a serious relationship, it makes sense.
Just support her and try not to be so judgmental.
2007-05-20 16:53:04 · answer #9 · answered by That Girl 3 · 5⤊ 0⤋
sounds like your friend took a wrong turn somewhere. talk to your friend and find out where she made the wrong turn and offer her advice. if you believe in praying, pray for your friend.
2007-05-20 16:45:25 · answer #10 · answered by Eskimo Hammer 4 · 0⤊ 1⤋