Why does a guy ignore sex conversations?

Question

The guy im engaged to doesn't like to talk about sex, why is that? Because everytime i bring the conversation up, he says he feels uncomfortable with it and he gets mad at me.

He has had sex before in his past with many girls since he was a teenager. And he's told me that he's pretty much done everything. He's never been raped. And he's happy being with me.

Answer 1

You may consider that he:
1. Has had some prior bad experience in talking about sex(the person he talked to about it, may broke his trust and told what he said, may have called him a freak, kinky or something else negative)
2. He has a sexual desire or fantasy he thinks you will find repulsive or feels ashamed of this thoughts.
3. He is not as experienced as he claims to be, or he has not learned a hold lot about being a good lover.

Answer 2

Not everybody is happy to talk about sex - in fact - to some people it can be a positive turn-off.

It is not only women that think that sex is tied up somehow to romance - a lot of men like to think of seduction as a romantic process.

When you say he doesn't like to talk about it - in what context?

Obviously - at some time you have to have some sort of communication. There have to be some ground rules laid out - i.e. contraception etc., but if you do this in a private and intimate situation between the two of you and not as part of a intimate moment - then if you do it sensibly so that he can even further relax knowing that everything is being thought about and not leaving things to chance - this should really be even more bonding.

But just go with what is good for the two of you - surely you can put yourself in his shoes - what if you hated talking about things of a sexual nature and that was the only way he got his kicks - what is the point of one of you being that uncomfortable?

Try being a little less obvious and a little bit more mysterious and seductive when the time comes for love.

Some men may also not want to hear about your previous experience. Closed minded perhaps - but if he just wants to think of you and him together without the vision of something that you may have done with another boyfriend - you can understand that can't you?

Anyway - is it worth getting upset about - as long as you have clear communication on the things that matter - time will sort out a lot of the other stuff. That is what engagements are for - finding out!

Congratulations and good luck - and have fun finding out about each other!!!

Answer 3

If all he wanted was "just sex" he would have moved on. You aren't very easy. He must want something besides sex or he wouldn't be making all the effort. He probably thought you were only interested in a 1 night stand. Since the hard part is out of the way, you should make an effort to get to know him. He sounds like a worthwhile person. You sound like you're "hard to get" . I wouldn't waste the effort on you. I'd look for some one that's actually interested in me. Your choice

Answer 4

Maybe you need to remind him that total honest communication is the key to any successful relationship, including sex issues. Its only when you have open honest lines of communication can you "fix" most things. I wouldnt push it though because if he is feeling uncomfortable, then hes feeling uncomfortable, and theres not much you can do about that with words. When you become married and he is more comfortable in the relationship, then maybe he will be more open with talking about sexual matters. I wouldnt totally stop communicating with him though, lead him gently, talk about little things first, then leave it. Maybe something like...I really like oral sex, but dont expect an answer. The more open you are about it the more he will learn to be open about it. Dont allow his discomfort to close off the lines of communication betweeen you. Just keep on being you and your honesty will probably rub off on him.

Good luck

Answer 5

BaybeeGurl,
It is very likely that the subject was taboo in his household but I am not sure. There are a number of people who would prefer not to talk about SEX at all. Whether they are uncomfortable with it or they are just not used to it should not matter as long as you are both happy together. Have a great week!
Thanks,
Eds

Answer 6

my current bf is not as open when i talk about sex as well but i've slowly guided him to sweet sex talk...not necessarily phone sex, but just a little hint of naughty talk...for example 'it's been a couple days, you better be ready for me later'...little stuff like that can ease them into talking about it. but if you mean talking about how you want things done when in bed...that may be tricky because some guys like the exploration and the figuring out your body....good luck

Answer 7

I also am baffled by this....I am totallty open to talking about sex - what I like, what they like, etc....and men seem to get embarassed and shut down. I don't know if they are afraid they are going to hear something they don't like or what but with all the assumptions of men being horny, etc. almost every single one had gotten really embarassed talking about it.

Answer 8

that sounds very strange! most guys like to talk about sex even if they are not engaged. you better straighten that communication problem out before you are married!!

Answer 9

In this day and age where boys, and men are very open to the topic of sex there is something very wrong here. My son is a virgin but he does talk about sex to his girlfriends, I am sorry to say but he could be gay.

Answer 10

if a guy can't talk about sex with the woman that he is going to marry, then he can't talk about it with ANYONE. I'd have some serious second thoughts if the person I am going to marry gets uncomfortable about the topic of sex.

maybe he's gay?