My fiance' listens to offensive music, and refuses to ride with me sometimes because he knows I don't like it.

Question

He refuses to ride with me sometimes because he knows the music offends me, but he still wants to listen to it. I don't want to stop him from having his own interests, but I don't want to be around anything as offensive as his music either. What should I do?

Sally, he doesn't listen to it when I'm in the car with him. He just sometimes doesn't want to ride with me because he can't listen to his music.

To elaborate on the additional comment. Sometimes we could be going to the same place at the same time, but he wants us to drive in two separate cars so that he can listen to his music instead of us riding together.

Answer 1

There isn't much you can do. He is his own person. My husband listens to music that I don't like but I am his wife not his mother. As long as he respects your feelings and doesn't play it around you, don't stress. He could be insensitive and play it with you in the car but instead he chooses to ride seperately. Continue to let him know you don't like it and if you guys have children you don't want your children subjected to it. If he is ok with that, then no worries-if not then move on. In a relationship you have to pick your battles, let this one go.

Answer 2

Thats a problem. Everyone has different tastes in music. Maybe you need to compromise. You listen to the type of music you like for half the time, then he can listen to his kind of music for half the time two. You need to ask him though, to pick the tracks that are not too offensive. My son listens to horrible music...it is offensive to me, but he is entitled to his taste in music. Some of his music isnt too bad, so thats the music he plays when I am around. Failing that, buy yourself some ear muffs. As he gets older he will probably change his taste in music, but he may not, so you might be stuck with hearing his music on a regular basis. I think the only thing you can do is to compromise. Surely he doesnt need to play his music all the time and if he does, then he is being pretty inconsiderate to you. You cant change his taste in music, but you can insist he be a little more thoughtful to your feelings. Compromise is an art you need to learn in a successful marriage anyway so maybe this is the perfect opportunity to learn to compromise. If he wont compromise at all, then I would be having serious doubts as to his commitment to making this a good solid marriage. If its his way, or no way, then you need to re-think your position.

Good luck

Answer 3

I have four kids and if my man was listening to that kind of music and would not stop, I would tell him to hit the road... You have an obligation to raise these children in a healthy environment... There is enough negative influence out there, but imagine if they had that in their own home...? Because he is your fiance' you have to think of the future... Is this the kind of man you want your children being influenced by? Lay the cards on the table now... Tell him that you don't want to be around that kind of music if it offends you... Even if you are in his car... If he refuses, then he doesn't care about your comfort... Simply hand him back the ring and say "Tata"... It would definitely be a wise decision on your part... Good Luck

Answer 4

See, that's just wrong. If he wants to listen to it alone, that's his choice. You are not asking him to NOT listen to it at all. He should respect that you are offended by it and not subject you to it or pressure you to listen to it. That would be the courteous thing to do.

If he won't ride with you that's his problem. He sounds like a big baby. Is he making up that as an exuse so he doesn't have to ride with you?

Answer 5

You can use an I-pod of your own to listen to what you want. But your question makes me think that, perhaps, this man doesn't respect you enough to bow to your wishes when you are together. If he knows his music offends you, yet he insists on listening to it when you have to hear it, too., this should indicate to you that he really doesn't care how you feel. (Otherwise, he'd put on an I-pod with earphones so you don't have to hear it.) I am not sure I'd marry a man who didn't care about my feelings.... Think about this before the wedding day.

Answer 6

find another fiance
you cannot over look such offensive items
as that will translate directly into your future ( think of whta he'll teach the children )
never compromise on such issues than affect you and you future unborn
never
to do so means that more and more of his unacceptable behavior and or choice will evetually creep into your life
and it will be YOUR fault for accepting / condoning it
a man ( and your fiance is a boy not a man ) will want ot chance to please his future wife, much in the same way a women will

Answer 7

What other things will he do that will drive a wedge between your relationship in the future? Now it's only the music, what will it be next?
If he loves himself more than you, you are better off without him.

"Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres."

Answer 8

Consider asking him to listen to some music that both of you enjoy when in the car--doesn't seem like a unreasonable request to me.

Answer 9

tell him when he is by himself he can listen to whatever he wants but if he refuses to stop it around you then you have to get a back bone and tell him it offends you. If he gets mad about it maybe he has a few problems hidden from you and you should get to the bottom of it before you become to attached.

Answer 10

Stand your ground. I wouldn't put up with it either.

Watch in coming years for porn DVD's, staying out late and other tests from him.