i destroyed his wedding album,,,, am i wrong???

Question

my fella has been seperated from his wife now nearly three years, i met his 6 months ago and fell pregnant straight away (was on the pill and was an accident) so we discussed it and decided to do the right thing, i moved in with him with my daughter and his daughter and we agreed we would get married and make it all right as the relationship is also good and tho an accident aborting was unthinkable. The trouble is he is not divorced from his wife, she texts all the time and visits and he has no backbone to tell her to go away (the kids arent hers). He says he is going to see a solicitor every week to sort a divorce but it never happens. Were happy together I trust he wants to do right by me but hes too scared and too much of a nice guy to hurt her by even asking her for a divorce initially. So im now 6 months pregnant and he is still married, she is always on the scene and today in a moment of madness i destroyed their wedding pics which was on a cd..... was i right?? and should i tel

him or not tell him and hope he doesnt notice? im glad i did it in a way because i knew the album was there and it haunted me, He has moved on well before he met me but she hasnt, she still loves him, she has told me as much and also tried to tell me he asked her for sex in the weeks we got together and i know that not to be true, she hates us being together but she acts all nicey nicey when she comes but always makes a point of kissing him and cuddling him when she comes and goes. i feel a bit betrayed that we mapped this out together to make it right for our baby but where i gave up everything to do things right by the coming baby he has so far given nothing in the way of commitment. He has one daughter who is 10, she lives with us on a joint custody thing but she is not his wifes, she is from a previous relationship all together but we all get on great,, i just cant stand his wife, knowing she is trying to get her claws in all the time,, and making a point that he is still her hubby

we werent having an affair,,, they had been seperated 3 years when we met

i deffo did not TRAP him into having this baby!!! i was the one that didnt want it, nor did i want to give up my life that i had before i came here, believe it or not not all of us women think babies on the brain,,, im the most least maternal person i know!!!! i didnt want any more babies, i didnt want to settle down but he announced to the world about the baby before we sat down to talk about what to do,,,,, if anything i feel like i am the one that got trapped and i can tell u i was usint the pill and i didnt forget a day!!!!!

i feel i must add that i actually didnt know he was married when i met him, it was supposed to be a just sex thing and nothing more, i had started the pill about 4 weeks before i met him but it says on the leaflet that you are protected straight away. it was supposed to be a one nite stand that went onto a few more. irresponsible yes but we were both single! i only found out he was married when i was three months pregnant, i knew they were married but i didnt realise they still were. She left him for another man and settled down with but split up with him around same time i met dave.

Answer 1

Because you are pregnant and your hormones are going a little flip floppy, I can see why you did this... But, I think that wasn't a good decision on your part... It is up to him if he wanted to destroy those pictures, and if he didn't, it is your decision whether to stay in that relationship...

By destroying something that is his, you are showing signs of control... You need to talk about things and then allow each other to make the decision... otherwise, I guarantee you that this relationship won't last very long...

Again, being that you are pregnant, I empathize with you cause sometimes we jump into decisions based on our emotions faster than we would if our bodies weren't going through pregnancy... That's why they say never make serious decisions when you are pregnant... Good Luck sweetie and hopefully he will make a decision to file for divorce... another problem, but that's not your question...

Answer 2

Separated no matter how long is not DIVORCED and he is still married and YES you are sleeping with a married man who has a wife. She has every right to call him and interfere with his life until he is divorced from her.....she also has rights to half of everything. You never should have destroyed their wedding pictures.....what the hell gives you the right to do that THEY ARE MARRIED STILL! Those pictures were for them and had nothing to do with YOU.
If he loves you so dang much why isn't his divorce final yet? three years is more then enough time to finalize a divorce....and don't even try to put the blame on the wife, there are two people in a divorce, he has to make the effort to actually go through with it too.
You trapped him by getting pregnant....accident or not. The poor sap is now going to have to pay for his mistake of a first marriage and his now mistake of getting you pregnant.
I can't be sympathetic to a person who sleeps with a married man.....separated means nothing, he can go back to her whenever he wishes because they are still married....what does that say about you?

Answer 3

This guy obviously has no intention of divorcing his wife, or he would have done it at some point in the three years they have been separated. You are a one night stand that resulted in pregnancy. You are deluding yourself, if you think you mean anything more to him. If he is such a "nice guy", why is he leaving you hanging like this? Furthermore, you have pulled your daughter into this mess. Look at the lack of morals you are raising her with. Move out, give the child up for adoption, quit sleeping around, and raise the daughter you have. The fact that you are more concerned about some wedding pictures than the other foolish choices you have made is sad.

Answer 4

There are so many things wrong with your relationship..where should I begin?

First off...you got pregnant by a guy who is still legally married. THAT WAS WRONG! Accident or not, it was wrong. What if he only wanted you as a one night stand? It doesn't matter that they have been apart for 3 years, they are still married, and by law, that makes him an adulterer. You do realize that at any moment, he could tell you he no longer wants you and that baby, and that he is getting back together with his wife, right? And if he does that, you have no say in the matter.

Second...destroying HIS wedding photos, on disk or not, was a bad move. How would you feel if the tables were turned and he did that to your wedding photos? You would probably be pretty upset. Those pictures are his property. He held on to them for a reason. If he didn't want them, he would've gotten rid of them years ago, but he didn't and you should not have destroyed them. You need to tell him, and be honest with him, but beware of the consequences. He may get upset and leave you for that. Again, those pictures are memories that you just destroyed. He may not be able to ever get those pictures back.

As for the "ex" wife...well, she has every right to be upset and possessive of him. He is her husband. It doesn't matter if they have been split up for 3 years or not. You realize that she can go and file for divorce and tell them that he's cheating on her, right? The judge will agree with her since they are still legally married and he's living with you, and you're pregnant with his baby.

And by the way...your accidental pregnancy...I find that hard to believe. Yes, the pill may not be 100% perfect, but depending on how long you have been taking it, it sounds as if you are jealous of his relationship with his ex, and you wanted to secure your relationship with him by getting yourself pregnant so that would wake him up and stay with you and take her out of the picture. Well, sorry to say, you can't force a guy to stay with you when you're pregnant.

And as for him...if he has no feelings for his wife, he wouldn't let her hang on him, and hug and kiss him like that. If he was any bit serious about your relationship, he would divorce his ex once and for all, and tell her to back off. They can still be friends, but it sounds like they are still much more than just friends.

Answer 5

It wasnt rite to do that because its kinda immature on your part and thats not the part you want them to see!!

I would tell him in the quiet what i did and hope he dont get too mad about it.

you need to understand you havent been on the scene long and what they have together has been a long relationship.

If they were seperated why were they not officially divorced? YOu have to ask yourself the q y?

There is definitely something happening there and maybe you should address it with him instead of worrying about it being official rather deal with why it hasnt already been done?

Were they trying to work it out when you came into his life?

The scared and nice guy thing dont work in this case. He is a grown man with kids and a wife and another kid on the way. c a pattern here.

You need to have a heart to heart with him and get things straight because when you add a baby to the mix thisis going to spiral out of control!!

You need to be honest with him and with yourself, if not just for you but for the baby on the way.

I wish you all the best!!

Answer 6

I know how you feel towards what is happening, but destroying such things which are memory for him is not a good thing to do. If he wanted to do so, he could have done it since he left his wife or broke up eith her. I think you must tell him but first you must choose the most appropriate timing in order not to regret what you did. If you choose a wrong timing, this could lead to a break up with you, not because he still loves her but because it is some sourt of memory for him. My opinion is also to apolgize and to convince him that this happened by mistake, not on purpose. I know its a little bit hard for you to do such a thing but if you really care for this guy and want to continue, this is what you should do. Good Luck to you.

Answer 7

I dont think you were right in what you did as it it part of who he is but I can understand why you did it. You do need to tell him but also explain why you did it ,no doubt you need to have closure in that part of his life before your child is born so you can look to the future and plan for the future together and not have to worry about his ex.
Just explain that to go forward he has to get the balls rolling with his divorce and if they have been apart for 3 yrs she wont feel hurt maybe shocked that he has finally done it but remember she,ll get over it. You are his future.
Just remember you cant change the past but you can change the future.

Answer 8

Nice guy my foot. Tell him he has 30 days to start divorce papers or you are leaving. Don't be mean to him, just tell him enough is enough.

And you shouldn't have deleted the CD. That was really wrong. That was his personal property. Apologize for that but tell him that you're fed up with the ex coming around.

Answer 9

No you were not right. Those were his memories and he choose to preserve them for whatever purpose. They were his.
Should you tell, yes. It won't be easy because it is the right thing to do.
Oh and let go of the do right by our baby stuff. You don't get together for the kids and you don't stay together for the kids. If you two are not compatible then move on regardless of the coming baby.

Answer 10

It's not a lack of backbone, he has feeling for her still and YOU "fell" pregnant to trap the poor fellow, Don't tell me birth control pills don't work, I took them 8 years and NEVER had a slip, if you take them properly then an "accident" would NEVER have happened. This was your way to get with him and I think you need HELP!!!