I made the mistake of involving myself in a group called standers who believe that I have to wait for my ex to come to her senses. I say there is a difference between forgiving her and waiting for her (reconciliation). I am not waiting for her to realize she made a mistake, in fact, I don't believe it matters.
If she does come to her senses too late, then what is that to me? The Bible talks about the foolish virgins who lost out on their chance to enter the kingdom because they were not prepared. I think many prodigals (like my ex) are going to discover that they've repented too late. Not that I want this but, I a don't have to wait. Life is too precious to wait and put on hold for someone who willingly has given their marriage to divorce.
2007-05-20 07:59:20 · 17 answers · asked by ? 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
This is a question about reconcilliation vs forgiveness, not about me doing anything. I am more interested in the intellectual debate than in advice about something which is not personal.
2007-05-22 15:19:54 · update #1
Forgive her and if later she asks you to forgive her, tell her you already did.
2007-05-20 08:29:00 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Forgiveness is when you decide to stop dwelling on the wrong that has been done to you. Forgiveness is when you agree to look ahead, to the REST of the person who has hurt you, rather than focus on the hurt they inflicted. It's really hard and it doesn't happen in a flash all at once. Even after forgiving, it can be difficult to stay in that forgiving place. It's work.
Reconciliation is when you mutually agree to move forward and repair what you can and build something new. There can be no reconciliation without mutual forgiveness. You don't condone what has happened int he past and you don't erase it, you just work together to build something that doesn't hurt the other anymore. Reconciliation IS mutual forgivenenss and a willingness to move forward.
As far as waiting on someone else to reconcile with you, sorry but it's not something you can either make happen or have happen the way you want - its something that BOTH parties agree to do and do together. If she's still traipsing about in her fantasyland of seperatism then waiting for reconciliation is futile.
Reconciliation is two people, not one.
Forgiving, on the other hand, is something you can do on your own for the benefit of your own soul, your own piece of mind.
Good luck.
2007-05-20 08:12:14 · answer #2 · answered by Cassandra G 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Reconciliation is admission of no fault on either side so there is nothing to forgive or be forgiven. There are some tradeoffs such as one person promises not to do certain things again. Theoretically, everything gets wipped clean and start all over. But most people cannot forget the emotional debts others owe them so those old "who did what to who" always come back.
It only takes one party to forgive but two parties to reconcile. What makes you think your ex-wife is ready to reconcile with you?
2007-05-20 08:23:06 · answer #3 · answered by Sir Richard 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I can read between your lines that you are still very hurt about this situation.
Forgiveness is for your own sake, to keep you from getting bitter. If you don't forgive her, she will still have a hold on you and mess up your life.
Reconciliation is the restoration of a broken relationship.
Don't try to get into a new relationship until you have found peace in your own heart or you will poison the next relationship with your bitterness.
I don't know the circumstances of your divorce, but I would advise you to read 1. Cor. 7 carefully and prayerfully and ask God to show you what He wants you to do. Human opinions abound, find out what God wants you to do.
2007-05-20 08:11:36 · answer #4 · answered by pinkrose 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Forgiveness on your part requires the person who you have forgiven, to accept firtly that she needs to be forgiven and secondly that she wants (and therefore accepts) your forgiveness. Reconciliation can only take place between two (or more) parties. It is not a one way deal. The interesting idea of forgiveness is the question as to whether someone can forgive someone who does not want to be forgiven. It is there in potentia but not accepted. Much as Christ calls the whole world to repent and accept forgiveness but there are many (the majority) who reject this. It is never too late to repent - the theif on the cross did as he died. Don't be too harsh on her. Christ forgave you after all. And we must pray "forgive us our trespasses as we forgive those who trespass against us".
2007-05-20 09:06:48 · answer #5 · answered by pwwatson8888 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
your short question is a good one. But your "add on" is not too "forgiving". A friend of mine said she wanted to forget about something stupid i did. But i dont think she forgave me. And because she would not discuss it, we never actually got to a reconcilation of the problem. The friendship is a bit tattered now im afraid to say. So reconcilation is important and involves a deeper and more active process than simple forgiveness, which is really about putting something behind you. In reconcilation there is a coming together of minds and a deeper understanding evolves of the issues involved.
2007-05-20 08:06:58 · answer #6 · answered by wally 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
What make you so sure that your Ex will ever repent?..
What make you so sure that you are right and she is wrong?
If it is that simple, she would have reacted and repented without you having to wait for her.
Now coming to your question...
Forgiveness is to realise once mistake, and take a concious effort NOT to repeat the mistake again.
Reconcillation is to put the past as HISTORY and move forward without ever remebering the past. This does not mean that what ever mistake will not repeat again and also it does not mean that she will take the effort to remember NOT to make the mistake again..
take care..
2007-05-20 08:11:44 · answer #7 · answered by trymejames 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You cannot have reconciliation without forgiveness, we come and go from God and he forgives us each time. You cannot be your wife's pastor, preacher or priest. Just like you cannot be her doctor, nurse, boss or alter of judgement. God alone judges and if you judge her he will judge you harshly. I realize we talking real life 2007. Marriage is hard enough without issues like this. Have you talked to your pastor? A priest? You are judging her because you say 'maybe she'll come to her senses'. Remember a spouse who is with God sanctifies his spouse. Understand? My hubby I thought was a heathen, but, after looking closer he is a much better Christian than I am. He gives of himself and gets little in return.
2007-05-20 08:09:01 · answer #8 · answered by dtwladyhawk 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
To me, to forgive is extremely difficult. Reconciliation would be a coming together, with or without forgivenes. I'd have a hard time with that one as well. I agree, to waste precious time is fruitless. Thus I walk away from battles that I'm unable to resolve.
2007-05-20 08:06:42 · answer #9 · answered by iyamacog 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I do not think it wise for life to pass you by waiting for something that may not happen. Forgiveness comes from the heart, however, it does not obligate you to her. Reconciliation is a cerebral activity and it does not obligate you to her either.
You may be into a new and emotionally fulfilling life when she sees the light. That is what I would hope for you.. Via con DIos.
2007-05-20 08:11:33 · answer #10 · answered by Monsieur Rick 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
There's a big differance between forgiveness & reconcilation. when you reunite that doesn't mean you have forgiven. When someone hurts me deep in a relationship i can forgive them ,but i never forget how much it hurt. It takes my trust. If i don't have antthing. So pray about it & don't do anything you don't want too!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Big HUGS To YOU,
Star
2007-05-20 09:15:59 · answer #11 · answered by texasstar1974 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋