I am in my late twenties and have been married for 5 years, but seperated for awhile. My husband was supposed to be moving back in at the end of this month, and he told me last night that he wasn't completely sure he was in love with me. He said 75% sure, 25% unsure. He wants to postpone moving in even longer, but even though he doesn't know for sure, he wants to continue with the relationship. He said he wants to "honor his commitment to me". I do know he loves me, and he isn't having an affair. I am not worried about that. He said he has been questioning this the last 4-6 weeks, as the "deadline" of moving in gets closer. I think he has "cold feet" so to speak. He was shifted around a lot as a child, and he doesn't want to risk moving in if even an ounce of him thinks it may not work. He is terribly afraid of failure - not just in our relationship. I am not changing myself, and I know everyone is different, but what qualities do women have that men fall in love with?
2007-05-20 07:27:34 · 11 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
I know this has nothing (or very little) to do with me. It's a lot about him and his lack of esteem and fear of failure. I support and encourage him as much as I can. Any ideas? Please be sensitive - this has been a very difficult period for me.
2007-05-20 07:28:59 · update #1
As a side note, we are having finanicial problems, I have been laid off of my job, he hates his job and is working a second job, he is stressed about his education, us, and his mother recently passed. This list is just to name a few. He is under a lot of pressure. He is also worrying about his health - he has recently gained some weight, and was diagnosed with diabetes. He has also had difficulty sustaining an erection, which as far as I understand, is the death of a man. He is truly overwhelmed.
2007-05-20 07:32:05 · update #2
With all due respect, I disagree with Wisdon, but appreciate the effort. It's difficult to respond when you don't know the complete story.
Also, I asked him to leave.
2007-05-20 07:40:43 · update #3
Yes, your husband is dealing with a multitude of problems in his life right now. The last thing you need to do is add to it. Call him and tell him you understand that he just can't move back in right now. Tell him to give you a call when he is ready to try again. In the meantime, work on finding a job. I'm sure he is worried about the bills as well as his health and everything else. Use this time to clean out the closets, generally clean, have a garage sale, volunteer somewhere, join a club, etc. In other words, do things you usually don't have time to do. You will feel your world getting back together then. When this happens, it will feel right for your husband, too. Why not invite him over for dinner some night? No strings either. Just let him leave when he wants. Get on the internet and find a diabetic menu. It will give you a chance to talk. I'm sure he is depressed and overwhelmed with all that has happened to him recently so don't add to his problems. You be part of the solution. Men fall in love with women that love them back unconditionally. You have put 5 years (at least) into this relationship, you owe it to both of you to continue a while longer. Think about the reasons you got married. That will help you get a better grasp of the situation.
2007-05-20 07:49:25 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
As hard as it is to hear, Wisdom is right. When a man truly loves a woman he does anything to be with her. And a man or woman who doesn't love him/herself can never truly love another. Sounds like you both have some esteem issues.
How can one put a percentage on a relationship and say those things to someone if they truly love them. Think about that. You would never say that to him because you know it would purposefully hurt him. You are afraid of being alone and starting over and that is scary. It's not easy.
Men fall in love with women who are confident in themselves and don't let anyone walk all over them. They know who they are and are secure. Once you love yourself, others will love you too for the real you.
Granted, he is going through a lot. No doubt about that. But, even when someone is going through all that, they don't jeopardize their relationship with their soul mate. They can't live without that person and wouldn't do it.
2007-05-20 08:37:38 · answer #2 · answered by heartwhisperer2000 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It is my opinion that the fear he is feeling has something to do with his lack of a father figure in his childhood. As a result he may have looked to the media or social circles for answers to alot of his questions. So what happens there is that most men think they need to look for a perfect companion. A woman who will finally make him feel like a man. It's a form of validation. He may even be the kind of man who is always looking for angles because he doesn't feel comfortable in his own skin. But there is hope, his ability to see you and love you for who you really are. To hold you gently for all the good and bad that you two have gone through is not directly linked to the success of your relationship with him. He simply can see you as a person who he sincerely appreciates and is delighted by. That will make him lovable and it's true respect for you. He needs you but he's not needy. Note the distinction. His success or failure have nothing to do with who you are as a woman. When he can see that. Than a man can fall in love with a woman.
2007-05-20 07:45:39 · answer #3 · answered by giovanni g 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Timing is not right. You have no job and he hates his. There are money problems. You put both together and is 1+ 1 much larger than 2 --- recipe for disaster. Your problems will just feed off each other and blow up.
You've got it VERY WRONG. Times like this is NOT about him falling in love with you. Maybe you are still looking for romance. But this is crunch time. This is about daily survival. Your expectation of reunited is not the same as his. He would be looking at saving you as well as his and he is not equipped to handle the pressure and the load.
2007-05-20 08:07:23 · answer #4 · answered by Sir Richard 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
So let me see if I have this right. He honored his commitment to you by walking out on you? Marriage is never a "sure thing". People will always have some doubts that they have done the "right thing", but that is not the same as not honoring one's commitment because of some doubts. Doubts happen every day, but a real man and a real husband puts that aside and goes on with being a good husband and father without filling his family with anxiety.
I am not to sure that you should change yourself if that is what it takes for him to return. He will either come back because it is the right thing to do, or he won't because it is the easy way out. Either way, you won't have much say in the matter. For your sake, I hope he rediscovers his spine as he seems to have misplaced it.
2007-05-20 07:38:51 · answer #5 · answered by Randy 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
This Site Might Help You.
RE:
GUYS: What makes a man fall in love with a woman?
I am in my late twenties and have been married for 5 years, but seperated for awhile. My husband was supposed to be moving back in at the end of this month, and he told me last night that he wasn't completely sure he was in love with me. He said 75% sure, 25% unsure. He wants to postpone moving...
2015-08-23 04:24:51 · answer #6 · answered by Aaren 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
There's no one thing. Sometimes if a woman has a certain look I'll like them. I mean facially. It must be genetic or something, because the women I like always have this one similar facial characteristic, but I only notice it after a bit. I wouldn't say its necessary that they have this characteristic, but if there was a room full of women and I had to pick one, she'd more than likely possess that physical characterstic. It's like that one characteristic pierces a hole to my heart. Personality wise - she'd have to have the ability to think beyond the box. Not necessarily be intelligent, but have *an* intelligence.
2016-03-17 04:55:16 · answer #7 · answered by Pamela 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It is obvious that you love him very much. Women in your posistion would, and have, given up a lot earlier in the relationshiip than what you have done.
If you think about it for a moment I would bet that if you act toward him as though you were first dating again, and be together as much as possible, I think you may see some posistive results. SOme men want that part of thier life, the dating part, so this may just tip the scales.
2007-05-20 07:32:56 · answer #8 · answered by mikeae 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
a guy wants a women who does not nag but listens and tries to understand and even if she does not fully agree she excepts it for what it is.really they want a mother ing sorta women i think and sex when and where they want it no matter if you been fighting all day or not bedtime is playtime lol
also a women that doesnt have the man burden with all of lifes eveyday happenings . bils ; errans doing whatever when he is tired from a long days hell. it needs to be a 2party relationship in all feilds
2007-05-20 07:36:45 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
her nature and only her nature beauty has to do very little but real love is all about understanding which is possible only if two people have same feeling
2007-05-20 07:33:28 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋