Do you think it is right for women to love their children more than their husbands?

Question

I find it very messed up that many women love their children more than their husband when their husband was there with them before the children and helped her with conceiving the children (assuming the ideal where he is the father and married her before she had kids). I hear so many women that are willing to put up with so much from their children and tell them no matter what they will always love them but yet when their husband does a few things they don't like, a lot of them divorce. I believe a woman's love for her husband should be stronger than that of her children because she made a commitment to love him for life. If she fails on that vow, her word means nothing and her love is conditional.

Answer 1

You are Sandstorm so this is what i would expect. If you have a guy like you, do expect them to love the kids more.

Answer 2

I have to say I can understand where you are coming from. I don't have children yet but my friends do and I see how the couple gets pulled away from each other when the kids come. I think couples have to make each other a priority to keep the love in the family and in turn make the kids happy. Mom and Dad need to be in love to make a happy family. Some of the answers here (kids won't cheat on you) tells you that there are issues in the relationship already. I would never think my husband would cheat and therefore love the kids more. I think the entire family needs to love them all equally. Divorce happens a lot because the couple grows apart, I think love needs to be equal.
Others are also saying your kids will love you forever. What about the ones that rebel against you and treat you bad? Not all kids are perfect, you need your spouse to get through the stress of raising kids... some of you act like they are perfect and will always be by your side. I know a lot of people who fight with their parents and some who don't talk anymore....

Answer 3

I think a part of this just has to do with the nature of living things...

All animals live to pass along their genes...children share half the DNA of the mother, while the wife shares absolutely no DNA with the husband (other than the genes all human beings share...unless there is some incest involved, but I'm not getting into that.) From a purely scientific point of view, mothers that take care of their offspring very well are better off at maintaining their lineage...I think mothers are just programmed to protect their children. Very few mothers in nature stay with their mates.

And also...many wives do love their husbands quite a lot! Not all people go through divorce, and if a divorce does happen, it's surely not just the wife's fault...

Answer 4

Yes, it's right. Mother's should love them more. The child is a part of them. Throughout the ages, as women had children and the men were out working or whatever, the women put all their energy into their children since the hubby was not around. This is why women will fight to the death to protect them! Love for children is a completely different kind of love than loving a spouse.

Answer 5

I disagree. The reason why most women put there children first is because the child came from them. The child is literally apart of them, for those nine months or so, a bond is made that pales in comparison to a husband, it's laughable that you think you should come first.Your children, are always going to be your children, no matter what. A husband, or wife can be replaced. A child cannot because like I said before, they are apart of you, for both the husband and wife. You are no where close to being ready to have children, because you want to be put yourself before them. It should be your children, your wife, and then yourself. And if you do have kids, I feel sorry for them cause there not getting the love and attention they deserve from you.

Answer 6

For me, its a different kind of love.
If my husband beat me or the kids, he'd be gone. Parenting is done by both of us, decisions made together.
OPne thing some couples forget is their spouse is also their partner, in my case, my husband isnt just the nice man who pays the bills, he's my best friend and lover. Family time is crucial but couple time is crucial,too. get the babysitter and go out alone, and it shouldnt be a rare thing,either. One day the kids will grow up and have their own families and itll be you and the spouse left, without the kids, will there be anything left? Not if the world revolved around the kids. When you go on dates, be boyfriend and girlfriends, again, not the old married couple.
Ive noticed this too with a couple of my friends, its like you get married, have the kids and forget about who you were before. Its sad.

Answer 7

A woman is the primary caretaker from day one of conception. It is known since the beginning of time that this is how we are wired. I always put my children first but I also never disrespected my husband and knew proper behaviour. I also expect if my child and I were drowning, that my husband would put our child's rescue first because he loved her first.

I agree about mothers taking too much crud from their kids. Sadly in America it is almost illegal to take their toys away for punishment! (some bleeding heart could charge you with mental cruelty or going against the child's right to own)

There is failure to discipline properly when things get out of line. The same respect is due all members of a family although it can take on a different form when it comes to the children. Yes parenthood is challenging but if both parents are IN COMMUNICATION the situations you mention need never arise. Parents need to be TOGETHER in how they teach their child and such pitfalls can be avoided.

Love between mother and child, mother and mate, are two different things entirely.

Your line about conditional is too absolute. You cannot be so absolute when dealing with extremely complicated interpersonal situations. Nothing is that cut and dried.

When I finally had to choose between my daughters and a husband who was becoming worse and worse news by the hour, I chose and never went back. My heart wept for him for almost 4 years before I was no longer hurting for missing him. But it was the right choice.

He was beginning to offer "conditions" that were just not worth it. "A few things" like verbal and mental abuse. "A few things" like quitting work and going criminal. "A few things" like refusing to support us and putting us into the position of needing welfare. "A few things" can be a lot more than forgetting to put the tube on the toothpaste or remember to lower the lid on the loo.

Once again, Sandstorm, generalizations are just not a good thing. Black and white is rarely how things really are when you get into the messiness of emotions and human relations.

Answer 8

This Site Might Help You.

RE:
Do you think it is right for women to love their children more than their husbands?
I find it very messed up that many women love their children more than their husband when their husband was there with them before the children and helped her with conceiving the children (assuming the ideal where he is the father and married her before she had kids). I hear so many women that are...

Answer 9

I think this is a frequently misunderstood concept.

A baby is dependent. We are charged with providing for and protecting a child. There is no such charge for the adult.

Often, a question is posed as to which would a woman choose, husband or child. A husband is an adult and capable of fending for himself. A child is not. Given the choice of child or husband, I would have to choose my child. I would think, with the blessing of his father, who also has been charged with the safety and rearing of this child. I would think my choice to save his child would honor him.

If you want to see the heart of woman, read the questions from abused women on here...."I love him. He is abusive. I cannot allow my children to be abused. What do I do????"

Invariably, she leaves to protect the kids. It's called not having a choice. And it is happening at an alarming rate.

You know Sandstorm, sometimes I think you need a dog. A dog will love you unconditionally, provided you treat it right, and do not drive it to rebellion. A wife is not a pet. You want to dress her and play songs you like, and bring her in and out whenever you want. Lol....And she should just love you forever. Unconditionally. And they all lived happily ever after. The End

Answer 10

I totally agree with you. That is the problem with so many marriages now and why we have such a high divorce rate. The parents should be the center of the family but so many parents make the children the center and that teaches children to be self centered and feel like it is all about them. They don't learn how to be humble. That is why we are the parents to teach our children to grow up to be able to stand on their own 2 feet. We are not supposed to be our childrens (best friend) when they are little. We should definetely show them love but one of the best ways to do that would be for the children to see that the parents LOVE each other and show each other respect IE not going against the other one in front of the children and show a united front. If your children are not mad at you on a regular basis before the age of 18 you are probably not doing a very good job on discipline. However after the age of 18 they will become your best friend because you have done such a fine job of teaching them respect for their fellow humans. How could they not respect you for that?

Answer 11

eWomen loved their children more than they love their husbands because for nine months, the child grew within her body..she grew to love it and she nurtured it and with each passing day the bond grows...children are forever and a man can leave anytime...you should be thankful that God made us the way we are to love and nurture our children (for the most part) or the species would be doomed. Her love for her husband and her love for her children are two entirely different and separate types of love. Sounds like you have problems and hopefully, if you have kids you are not jealous of them. And, women understand kids will be kids and make mistakes, we expect more from men because they are adults..you should not compare the two becausee they are not equal. Most people don't get a divorce becaus they husband has done a few things they don't like..it take a lot of build up.Just sounds like you are looking for a scapegoat or an excuse for something. Think about it.