my husband of 7 years and I are thinking of having a foursome with another couple from another state we have been talking to. I started the talking and this is my idea. I am wondering from other couples who have done this how it affected your marriage and what types of things should we be cautious of and any tips or advice? thanks
2007-05-20 06:25:16 · 20 answers · asked by donnyschick33 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
let me say that this is my idea, not his, he is just willing to do what I want to make me happy. he is exciting in bed, and our marriage is strong, im not looking to liven up a dull sexlife. just looking for new experiances. and someone said something about looking back when we r in rocking chairs and do we want to be reminiscing about a 4some, well actually i dont want to be 80 and look back and wish we had done something and didnt. you only get one shot at life. as far as anyone leaving the marriage for one of these people thats not a fear of mine. they are not interested in anything more than the experiance and I have been talking to them for a while, so I know their intentions. we would be safe as well, we arent stupid lol. and there would be no splitting up, we would all be in the same room at all times. just some added info to consider.
2007-05-20 07:20:06 · update #1
I know of 3 married couples who played with this. None are still together.
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additional comments: I don't really care about the details. Nobody "plans" on splitting up. Do what you want. You just asked if other couples have done this and how it affected their marriage. As I said, I know 3 married couples who played this game. All of their marriages have fallen apart since. Me? I've been in a happy and hot monogamous marriage for 23 years. The sex is still great. There are MANY ways to experiment with sex without going outside the marriage.
2007-05-20 06:27:51 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 3⤊ 1⤋
you're talking about four different people with four sets of emotions. What are the chances you are all on exactly the same page? Not likely, but it could happen.
The real concern here is doing such a serious undertaking (it is serious because it will change the whole tenor of your marriage) "just cuz why not?" - that's not a very serious reason to do it.
I know at least two couples who are "open" which is not exactly the same thing - they all got into their marriages knowing what the score was and discussed everything out in the open way before settling down. One couple has a "don't ask, don't tell" policy and the other has a "only with consent" policy. Both couples have had problems with the open arrangement at times but becuase the marriage comes first, managed to work things out eventually. Personally, it doesn't seem worth it in the end: having months of problems just for one night of "fun" seems unbalanced.
If it has ocurred to you to have sex with someone else then perhaps you really ought to look at the level of contentment within yourself - why are you thinking of soemthing like this in the first place? You say your marraige is strong and I believe you but how strong is your committment to him? How secure are you in your bond? How good do you feel about yourself?
You want to do something fun and maybe Taboo? Try taking ecstacy with your husband. That will bond you better than watching each other have sex with someone else.
2007-05-20 15:00:02 · answer #2 · answered by Cassandra G 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Yes, it will affect your marriage. It will never be the same and if one of you really likes this swinger lifestyle, that person will want to do this again and again bullying the other into it or else. The "or else" will be a divorce or they will go it alone. This is dangerous because of the STDs and you don't really know these people. They could be just out of prison, on drugs, drug dealers, perverts, blackmailers, or they could video tape this and put it on some swinger website. You need to carefully consider this because you also run the risk of one of you becoming emotionally involved with one of the other couple. It is not as easy, carefree and fun as it appears.
2007-05-20 13:45:17 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
In this group, one or more of you is likely to be nervous, one or more is likely to be more adventurous than they are normally.
If, for example, you and your 'date' are having more 'fun' than your husband and his date... will there be resentment? What if one pair hits it off, and the other doesn't? What if one of you can't perform, or has higher expectations? Would you feel pressured to do more than you're normally comfortable with, because you don't want to be the 'only' shy one? What if the shy one is the other couple?
These feelings last for years, and will only serve to drive wedges into your relationship. Long term, it's never 'equal', and the person who isn't 'winning' usually feels some resentment. Explore the LONG TERM risks on your emotions, as well as the health risks.
2007-05-20 13:38:22 · answer #4 · answered by Sue 5 · 3⤊ 0⤋
What you need to do is check out the local swingers club. Everyone there is into the same thing and has the same frame of mind. Then you will not have to worry about complications after wards. Swinging will strengthen a good marriage and destroy a bad or shaky marriage.
2007-05-20 13:34:23 · answer #5 · answered by bocasbeachbum 6 · 1⤊ 1⤋
Have not done it.. but have been asked.. what do you hope to gain, a kinkier sex life -- at what cost?
Be wary of STD's - if they are not using condoms with you, chances are they have not with others as well...
Also be wary of blurring the lines of what is acceptable to you in the long run...
Do you want to be rocking on rocking chairs in old age reminiscing about the good times you had and have nothing to talk about except sex with other couples? Wow..
2007-05-20 13:30:01 · answer #6 · answered by astutewoman 6 · 2⤊ 1⤋
Having foursomes ect... brings a much higher risk of him or her cheating on each other down the road. They may experience a closer connection with that other person resulting in adultry
2007-05-20 13:30:30 · answer #7 · answered by starwalker530 1 · 2⤊ 1⤋
Marriage should be exclusive. It is the only area of your life that should never be infiltrated by another person. It may cause irreparable damage to your relationship.
2007-05-20 13:39:56 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
My first thought is why would you wish to share your marriage bed with others???
2007-05-20 13:57:07 · answer #9 · answered by iyamacog 7 · 2⤊ 0⤋
i think it could work,but most of the time,,it is mostly the guy who wants to do it and the wife just goes along to make him happy,, which is bad cuz in the end she will wind up feeling like crap, questioning everything,,, bad news if you ask me
2007-05-20 13:59:46 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 1⤋