I'm a lesbian who came out last October...back then I was saying I'm bi, but after a recent experience I've discovered that men just turn me off. With one exception, I have this friend who has always flirted with me, harmless flirting. We've known eachother about six years, and a few years ago, I really had a crush on him, but timing was never right. Well, recently we really started teasing and flirting, he knows I'm a lesbian, and sometimes he just looks at me like something is really hurting him. He starts to say something, and I know it's about "us", but then he loses his nerve. The thing is...I want to hear it, I want to kiss him...but he's the only guy I feel like that about. Other men just kind of repulse me. I'm not questioning me sexuality here, but what would you do?
2007-05-20 05:10:13 · 18 answers · asked by Mama23Girls 6 in Society & Culture ➔ Cultures & Groups ➔ Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual, and Transgender
Well, he knows how I feel about him. I've never tried to hide the fact. The reason we've never hooked up in the past is because we were never both single at the same time. Right now, I'm just having trouble telling if he's completely serious or not.
2007-05-21 02:39:10 · update #1
Lesbian or not. You feelings are your feelings. This guy has really touched you. I feel for you. All I would say is the hell with it and take a chance. If he comes out feeling the same way, then it was meant to be. If he says no. Then you have your answer. But don't give up on love. No matter on who.
I've been there with that someone. I wanted to tell her how I truly felt. 4 months later I ended up living with her, and still happy with that woman. So I hope you retrieve that happiness as I did. Good luck, and have faith homegyrl. -- Ray--
2007-05-21 17:02:00 · answer #1 · answered by anarchy0029 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Probably now that you've come out, you both feel a little safer teasing and flirting with each other, because it can't go anywhere....or so the thinking goes. Of course that's not true, because sexuality isn't always like that. So now what? I agree with the poster who said just tell him what you're thinking. Say you're attracted to him, and that you can't help wondering what it would be like to kiss him. See how he reacts. It may scare him, it may not. If it does, back off and laugh it off with something light like "I'm sorry, you're just so darned cute. What was I thinking?" That way, you don't make the friendship awkward. If he is interested and kisses you back, see where it goes. Just be sure he's not extra tempting right now only because he's "forbidden". You've probably had a rough road since coming out, and sometimes familiarity seems like relief. You don't want to break his heart if you decide later you'd rather stick exclusively to women. You also want to make sure he's not interested only now for the same reasons. That he doesn't just secretly think you're confused, and wants to rescue you. There are reasons you two have not gotten together in six years of flirting, and you need to consider what has held one or both of you back thus far. Good luck!
2007-05-20 12:35:33 · answer #2 · answered by Dose of Reality 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I would make the flirting a little more physical. Not, you know, sexually physical or anything. But lean into him when you talk about him, maybe put your head on his shoulder sometimes, play with his hair. These are all probably okay-actions if you've known eachother for six years.
Most of the time, our culture expects the guy to be the one hitting on the girl. But the ball is definitely in your court this time - you have to make the first move.
2007-05-20 12:14:56 · answer #3 · answered by Andy P 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Exploration of your feelings is a good thing. If you are bisexual, exploring your feelings and a relationship with this one special man isn't going to 'wreck' anything. It will clarify your own identity. Maybe you're not really lesbian but have been exposed to nobody except morons and uncouth men that treated you badly, turning you off.
If you want to kiss him, try it out, why not? You might be surprised at how female you really ARE when treated properly, decently, kindly, and gently by a real, genuine man.
2007-05-20 12:27:00 · answer #4 · answered by fiddlesticks9 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I'm a straight guy - a lot of women turn me off that might want to sleep with me, so you are not alone in your situation. It sounds like you aren't really a lesbian, you are bisexual, and you just happen to like this particular guy. Do what you think is right. If it doesn't work out between you two in that way, move on - there are probably plenty of women that still might want a relationship with you.
2007-05-20 12:16:00 · answer #5 · answered by Paul Hxyz 7 · 2⤊ 0⤋
I can empathize, I basically feel the same way. I decided if I am going to label myself though, bisexual would be the most fitting label because while I am mainly just attracted to women...there are exceptions to that rule.
I wouldn't worry too much about labels, just follow your instincts.
If it was me, I'd make the flirting more obvious and I might just tell him flat out how you feel...like you did right here with this question. :-)
2007-05-20 14:56:22 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sexualities are rarely expressed easily with a single world. Maybe most males repulse you. Most males repulse me sexually, and I'm bi. If you're sure your feelings are genuine, make a move, or tell him something. So far as he knows, you could NEVER want him, so it's foolish to say what he's thinking of saying. That's why YOU have to say it.
2007-05-20 12:23:53 · answer #7 · answered by Theo B 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You could always give him a chance. Tell him that you want2 know what he has to tell you.
But then again it could mess up yalls friendship, if it doesnt work out. Having a friend that you love is more important then having a boyfriend/girlfriend. Maybe he does love you (assuming its love and not like) but thats what friends do they love each other and are there for each other no matter what, and being in a 'relationship' usually will mess all that up eventually.
2007-05-20 12:17:44 · answer #8 · answered by Nolagirl83 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You will never know if it's right unless you go for it. Go to dinner with him or out dancing, and see if you'd like to see him again. If the evening ends with a kiss, let it happen. The feeling inside should tell you if it's right. Did you feel fireworks or were you bored? You'll never know until you give it a chance.
2007-05-20 12:14:45 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
I would relax, let nature take its course. I have know many lesbians in my life, and have known more than just a few who developed a crush on a guy...big deal. Time will lead you where you will go, make nothing of it, enjoy your life and what you do as you go. The best laid plans always run afoul of where you think they will lead. good luck
2007-05-20 12:18:48 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋