By being informed in no uncertain terms what impact each purchase is having upon the stability of the planet and clearly showing the cost and benefit of similar items. It is instinctive for humans to choose the survival of our race.
Please explain why this is wrong and how I can correct in for my essay.
2007-05-20 05:08:49 · 5 answers · asked by dyslexic 2 in Education & Reference ➔ Higher Education (University +)
Humans will instictively choose the option that is most beneficial to the survival of our race when clearly informed of the impact upon the planet of a given purchase versus the cost and benefits of similar items.
2007-05-20 05:25:48 · answer #1 · answered by mrm 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It's tough to answer this without knowing the context but I'll try anyway.
What is wrong grammatically is that it doesn't have the commas necessary to help one discern the logic. Also, the use of the present continuous ("is having") makes the first sentence weak. What's wrong logically is that the first sentence leaves the reader hanging because it draws no conclusion. Let me explain:
Discard "in no uncertain terms" for the moment. We'll take it for granted.
Change "is having" to "has", just to tighten it up.
Your sentence now reads, "By being informed what impact each purchase has upon the stability of the planet and clearly showing the cost and benefit of similar items."
Do you see where you leave the reader hanging? What is the outcome of being informed and of clearly showing the cost and benefit?
If you presented the outcome before this sentence it would make sense. In that case the grammatical way to present it would be:
By being informed, in no uncertain terms, what impact each purchase has upon the stability of the planet and clearly showing the cost and benefit of similar items.
Even this can be tightened, however.
Let's say your conclusion (or outcome) is, "We can make an informed choice."
Rather than saying:
We can make an informed choice. By being informed, in no uncertain terms, what impact each purchase has upon the stability of the planet and clearly showing the cost and benefit of similar items.
Try:
Being informed, in no uncertain terms, what impact each purchase has upon the stability of the planet and clearly showing the cost and benefit of similar items, we can make an informed choice.
Hope this helps.
2007-05-20 12:35:46 · answer #2 · answered by rhapword 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
The first part can be tweaked as
By being informed in no uncertain terms about the impact of each purchase on the stability of the planet and clearly showing the cost and benefit of similar items ...
but this is an incomplete sentence. Do you want to say that by being informed humans will instinctively choose.....
2007-05-20 12:23:18 · answer #3 · answered by Dev 2 · 0⤊ 2⤋
well your first mistake is that it's spelled "guru". but anyhow, that first sentence is STARVING for some puncuation. I have no idea when I'm supposed to slow down, pause, etc. and in the second sentence, you need to decide if you're including yourself in your writing or just wrting as an observer. for example:
"it is instinctive for humans to choose the survival of THIER race"
or:
"It is instinctive for US to choose the survival of our race"
Now, I'm not saying that the sentence itself is a good sentence. I'm just giving you an example of how it is grammatically incorrect. Structually, it could be better. A good sentence could be "human instinct drives us to a Darwin-like survival of the fittest". I don't know it that sentence would apply to the whole essay, but you get the point.
2007-05-20 12:17:10 · answer #4 · answered by Me 6 · 0⤊ 2⤋
The first sentence isn't a complete sentence. It's just an introductory clause, and it's not really clear what it should be introducing. It's also kind of clunky and overly wordy. What are you trying to say in these two sentences?
2007-05-20 12:15:15 · answer #5 · answered by M W 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋