Would you consider having an open relationship with your spouse to be healthy?

Question

Open meaning that you and your spouse could see other people openly, not behind one anothers back. Just curious what everyone thinks about this.

Our situation is that he cheated and I found out. It broke my heart, I know I wasn't happy before then, but it has opened up my eyes to see that he doesn't love me as much as I love him. Well, I don't want to end it and we have kids together too. He is now working away from home and will be for quite a while. I figure if while we are apart, we could see 1 person for filling in the void of us not being able to see each other. There is also lack of communication and I know he married me for the wrong reasons.

Answer 1

It might sound good to some on paper, but I feel like you are opening Pandora's box here. First of all you could hurt your spouse. Secondly you can hurt someone in an open relationship. Then think about the families, children, etc that are tied to everyone, it could get ugly.

Answer 2

If you have an open relationship how is the relationship you have with each other special anymore. Why would you even want to be married? What would the purpose be? What would be so significant about what you have together when the most important thing in marriage is shared with everyone else? Why would you not care to open each other up to std's out there and risk one anothers lives? Where is the safety and security in a committed relationship when you open each other up to lose the relationship to other people. What if one of you fall for another person because they feel better with someone else. You may not think that you are cheating anything here or risking anything but you are! When you cross that line you are leaving everything open for anything to happen......and what could be the worse is that everything is lost that was meant to be sacred.

Answer 3

Open marriages fail, that's just the way it is. Not only do studies show that it doesn't help a marriage to be open (dating other people), but I have watched marriages like that fail - because one of the parties met someone they wanted to 'really marry'.
That's different from the couples who go their separate ways, soured on marriage and decide never to see each other again because they just don't want to bother to get a divorce. Even that sometimes ends up being a silly solution when one partner has to seek the other person out just so they can 'really marry' a new partner - after divorce, of course!

Answer 4

If you really love someone how can someone else be a substitute.
If my husband went away, waiting for him to return would be painful enough but to see him return would be unreal.
If you can see someone else whilst you're in a relationship then you are not focused on who you are supposed to love?
Work out your issues first then sort out other relationships dont have other relationships in the midst of all this confusion.
You mentioned your kids too? They need stability and will notice if something isn't right.

Believe me i come from a family of Twenty Five kids. My dad is married and couldnt work out his issues so had "open-relationships". The mess is still being sorted out over 30 years later and it's us kids who have to deal with it and sort it out! We all know each other and the message is clear form all the children "why did we have to be born into this?"

He still lives with his wife and my mom is single and it has had an effect on all of us not just the "adults!"

i know you may have needs but if you are going else where for satisfaction you may as well leave for good or sort things out! For your sake as well as your kids and your partner too.

Answer 5

If he cheated while he was with you, then he is just a cheater anyway. Why are you gonna lower your standards just to keep this man around. Have you thought about the deceases that's out there. Please don't come with you all will wear protection. If he cheated on you and probably is at this present moment, then he will lie about protection and anything else. Why are you allowing your kids to see, that this is the behavior of married people? You will do anything to keep this lying cheat in your life and I think that is sad. I mean really it's sad. It's sad that you don't think that much of yourself and you like being his doormat. His problem with being a man have nothing to do with you. Gosh I don't want to even finish my thoughts. Bless you and heaven help the kids.

Answer 6

no.. its cheating with permission. In a marriage you are supposed to only have sex with your man or woman. Not everyone else too. I think that with an open relationship eventually it will end because one or the other will start to feel they are not enough for that person or one or the other will find someone else and want more from that person then what they do from the one they are married to.

Answer 7

Oh, bless your heart. If you agree to an open marriage, you are in for a huge heartbreak. Honestly, you need to get tough, and I mean real tough. It's going to be hard, but I would lay down the law and tell him absolutely not will there be a third party in this marriage. You seem like a very nice person and you d@mn sure don't need to play second to anyone. I would rather be by myself than to be with someone who has been or wants to be with someone else (just my opinion).

Answer 8

Dear Depressed in VA,

There seems to be a consensus here that it is an invitation to trouble in a big way.

I just wonder why anyone would get into a marriage when what they really wanted was to play the field?

Marriage is not "open." Sounds like an oxymoron term to me. Marriage is a closed, extremely exclusive (only two allowed), and blessed union. Don't try to reinvent the wheel, kid. :)

Answer 9

NO! I would not consider having an open relationship . I feel that if you or him wanted that why on earth get married. I do not think that is right marriage is a special gift that we should treasure and that treasure is the person that you are with that will be there for you no matter what happens.

Answer 10

I do not believe cheating, even in open marriages, could ever be considered healthy. If a couple put other people into their marriage, to many things could happen. Falling in love with someone else, children, STD's. If a couple love one another, they would never want to see them love other people. Being single gives you that freedom, without hurting someone.