Why do people shout "domestic violence" whenever someone asks about spanking adults?

Question

I'll admit that most of these questions are worded poorly, as they never seem to make mention of the fact that these relationships are consensual in nature. They end up giving the impression to the reader that these spankings are forced on the person and that the asker is promoting such a relationship as being the "right way" for a marriage to be. Sandstorm, in particular, has asked several questions along these lines that have riled up the masses. I often get to these questions far too late to inject any rational thought.

Spanking for discipline in an adult relationship should be a consensual agreement between the parties involved, regardless of the gender of who is spanking and who is being spanked. In most cases, it should be the one that wants to be held accountable that should approach the other. While my roommate and myself both knew of each other's interests in adult spanking, it was her that came to me and asked to be held accountable for misdeeds.

This agreement between parties is what makes a domestic discipline relationship healthy. If this consent isn't given, then I would agree that the spanking in question would be abuse.

I wrote an essay recently for my spanking blog detailing the difference between domestic discipline and domestic violence. I'd recommend it for people that don't truly understand our lifestyle.

http://thomassspankingexploits.blogspot.com/

Answer 1

Part of the trouble, I think, is that for years it was considered, if not perfectly acceptable, at any rate nothing out of the ordinary for a man to beat his wife - and I do mean beat, not spank. In the UK, police would traditionally refuse to get involved in what they termed "a domestic", even if the woman had bruises on her face and had obviously been brutalised. By the same token, such women would often refuse to complain, either out of fear or a misplaced sense of loyalty.

With the rise of feminism this kind of abuse was, quite rightly, condemned. Of course it does still go on, but it's far less common and certainly no longer condoned. But memories linger - and people who aren't into spanking (whether DD or erotic) often find it difficult to understand how it differs from the beatings of the bad old days. And explaining that it's consensual doesn't help, since to these people it just sounds like another poor cowed woman colluding in her own mistreatment.

So I think that's why you'll still get the 'domestic violence' objections - and I doubt whether reasoned argument will make much difference, as it's essentially an emotional response.

Answer 2

I think I understand what you're saying. But, I disagree to some extent. Children do understand the ramifications of their actions which is why children are sneaky about being disobedient from very early ages. If we spanked a child or an adult the results would be fairly similar - it's supposed to act as a negative/physical consequence that follows a negative action. I do agree that a child that is never punished would have no sense of wrongdoing. However I have one major issue with spanking in that it become ineffective at certain ages and then what? Punishment and consequences work best when they are consistent and children know what the results of their actions are...if you have to change it or your "last resort" punishment becomes insufficient, then what?

Answer 3

I think most people equate hitting (Spanking) with violence and with that goes the territory of Physical/Emotional Abuse.

There is also a general thought that you are an adult and should not be treated like a child. However if they look at the couples that engage in domestic discipline as opposed to those couples who don't they would find some interesting statistics.

Couple who do not have domestic discipline in their lives, are more likely to have one person cheating in the relationship. They are more likely to divorce. They are more likely to have some kind of violence in their marriage.

DD couples have the same problems, however they are 100 times less than in a non-dd couple.

There have been many times over the years, that I would have loved to take my wife over my knee and spank her. But she doesn't like it and won;t consent to it. AS a result now that we have reached our 30ish years of marriage, we barely talk to each other.

Answer 4

Yes Baka, I know what you mean. I have asked and answered in this forum and get into trouble b/c people think I am talking about abuse, maybe I need to put a "disclaimer" like you mentioned saying "all content here is between consenting adults" I mean geeeeeeze!

P.S. You know who I am right? Wink!

Answer 5

i have begged my husband to spank me. he only taps. he's quite strong and i think he is scarred he will hurt me. he knows i really want this, so he tries. he likes a smack once in a while too.
i think you are exactly right. consenting adults in a trusting, loving relationship. it IS NOT ABUSE! it is another way for us to physically show our love and trust for one another. i think people that get "riled up" so easily are frightened to let go of the control in themselves and a relationship and explore fearing what they may discover about themselves.