my husband had an affair for almost a year even admitted at the time he had no feelings of guilt when he was?

Question

with her talking to her. we had just been married for 2 mths.I didnt find out until about 9 mths later. it crushed me still does. i wouldnt have been able to look at him in the face if it was the other way around. says sex took place only 6 times maybe, i dont believe.the phone calls bother me worse.he would call her from 8am up until all hours of the night everyday talking 49 calls somedays.he says he wasnt emotionally involved. well he had to be thinking about her all the time. he never called me that much when we were dating or living together.i feel he really cared for her, wanted to talk to her, constantly on his mind.if he had not caught i know it would have went on.i am a good person, dedicated my life to him took our vows very seriously never thought he would do this in a million years. he never answers honestly when i ask him anything.he says he didn't care about her no emotions just sex make sense to you, it doesn't to me.he shared sexual fantasies with her, very perverted to

Answer 1

Don't cut off your nose to spite your face.

If he is still with her, divorce him.

Otherwise, you either have to let go of this or divorce. If you think you should divorce, forget about punishing him, ask if you would be better off financially, etc. Would you now get anyone better as a divorcee, etc. and how would you feel if you free him and he then cohabits with this *****.

In a Christian sense, you are perfectly entitled to divorce him as an adulterer, but just because you have a right to do something does mean that you do it.

It never ceases to amaze me the women who want the details on the affair. What do you want him to say, "Actually, honey, I would have divorced you, but [the *****] would not agree to move in with me, nevertheless it was the best sex I ever had."
Obviously, he is not the man that you believed you married. Obviously, you will never be able to trust him fully. But if you keep on bringing it up, you will drive him away.

As Ronald Reagan asked in the Presidential debates in 1980, "Are you better-off today than you were 4 years ago?" or words to that effect, think "I have divorced him 2 years ago, am I better off now than I was if I had never known about the affair and it had just petered out?" If the answer is "No," then you should think very carefully, and probably stay.

If you want to get even with him, yet keep him around, I am sure that there is something you can do to him, but if you do not let it go in another couple of months, then you will make your own life a misery.

Instead of divorcing him, why don't you shop around for a while to see if you can find someone better - you can always tell them you have an open marriage. If you cannot get better, then you have your answer.

Sadly, life is not always fair.

Answer 2

He had an affair for almost a year, even though you had been married for two months when he started and din't find out until nine months later. Sounds like he didn't take his marriage vows very seriously, or his "little head" made all the decisions for him. How is your relationship with him now? Have you forgiven him? Is he faithful now? I know, too many questions, but it really depends on whether you can forgive and forget and he truly reforms. Those are the two biggest obstacles of you two making your relationship work. I don't think I could forgive him, even though I'm a Christian that believes in forgiveness of sins. He would have to be sincere and prove to me his faithfulness before I forgave him, but I know that nagging memory of doubt would find a way to creep into my heart and all would be lost. Personally, I'd get an annulment or divorce based on the adultery/infidelity basis because I would never be sure. God Bless you, whatever you decide, & Good Luck.

Answer 3

You don't actually have a question in there. You also don't say how long ago this was. If it was recent, leave him. This is not a man who understands what marriage is and is incapable of being a proper husband. If it was quite a while ago and things are good between the two of you otherwise, seek marital counselling.

Btw, he's a man. He's got to save emotional face. It's not like a woman who will tell everything she really felt to another woman. Men don't do that. And yes, it really could have been all about the sex. Either way, what difference does it make?

Answer 4

Let him go!! Leave if you have to. This will show him your strong and are not about to tolerate this. But if you stay he's only going to keep doing this as long as you stay and put up with it. He has the best of both worlds. The thing that gets me is doesn't he have a consious? You would think that it would bother him living and being married to you and then crawling beside you in bed after a fun night with the affair. Time to move on and find someone who respects you more. Good Luck!!

Answer 5

I may not be the best person to answer this, but I will. For me, cheating is an absolute deal breaker. If he had no feelings of guilt that is even worse. I know I would leave in this situation, mainly because of his lack of respect more so than anything else. I mean after 2 months??? Nope, color me gone. I would just focus on the healing that needed to take place within me, build back that self-esteem and move on. Yes, mourn the loss of the marriage, but also realize that marriage must be based on a friendship and he obviously is no friend of yours. Just for the record I have been married for 9 years and would leave him tomorrow if he did anything like this. We might heal after an affair, but the lack of guilt and disrespect would not be healed.

Answer 6

I am so sorry for you and will certainly pray for you.
Your husband is very wrong for this and according to The Word of God, a cause for divorce!
I agree with you, he was and is till very intrested in her and my personal feeling about this is , he may still be seeing her! I have had a husband do the same thing and my hooc of a brother does this too!
I don`t believe he just had sex six times! I don`t think there were no feelings! I agree, talk to her if it makes YoU feel better! But , keep in mind, she may be dishonest with you just as he may have! Some women are just like this!
The first thing you should do is go to the Dr. or Health Clinic and be tested for HIV and STD`s. You have no idea how many men, or women she has slept with, or may still be sleeping with! PROTECT yourself!
Again, you are in my prayers, my heart really goes out to you...
I am always available to talk if you want to, just IM or e-mail me...
Have a Blessed Day, Rev.Susan

Answer 7

that is very sad because it doesn't sound like he will change. you have to make a decision if you will put up with this for the rest of your life or get out now while it's still kind of early. "no feelings of guilt," that is a big red flag. how can he love you and say that?

Answer 8

Seems like his answer is quite truthful. The honest truth is .... its all about sexual fantasy. I think men cheat because it is exciting to do so .... I doubt he loves her or is emotionally involved with her... and chances are after having sex with him a few more times, he would probably get bored with her.... Did you eventually forgive him?

Answer 9

Your husband wasn't ready for marriage and probably never will be.He can't help himself because of htat animal in-stink in him.He will remain an animal until he can't get it up anymore then he will simply go for the little blue pill

Answer 10

I'm sorry. This has to be very hard for you. If I were you I would get my affairs in order and move on. He is a cheater and a liar that shows no remorse. He sounds very selfish also. You deserve better.