We are going through a very bad period with my bf and last night he got severely drunk (he normally never drinks) and protested when I wanted to take him home from a common friend's place. He ended up pushing me/slightly hitting me on my head when I said I am going home on my own then and was saying good bye to his friends. This happened in front of our common friends and other people that I first met. He is now very sorry and keeps apologizing and says he does not remember this happening, but I am just disgusted and very sad.
Is this something that happens from time to time to couples?
Am I overreacting over an accident? Or is this something that should not be tolerated in any case?
Thanks.
2007-05-20 01:48:59 · 28 answers · asked by 20082008 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
don't overreact it happens... you really answered your own question. it wasn't his normal behavior it was the alcohol impairing him. if you've ever been drunk i'm sure you've done thing you regret. if everything is good when alcohol isn't involved and he doesn't have a drinking problem don't let it bother you too much =)
2007-05-20 11:40:38 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
I am sorry but that should never be tolerated!!! Couples get into arguments but hitting or shoving should never happen. I was married to an abusive man who was also a alcoholic, life was no fun. he was fine when he wasnt drinking and would become almost evil when he was. It starts as innocent shoving then leads to worse. Is that how you want to live your life always being worried he will become violent? It is called walking on egg shells. I dont feel your are overreacting, and shoving and hitting you in the head is no accident. I would break it off for awhile with him and regroup. Rethink of what kind of relationship you will have if you stay together. And if you decide things can work, stay away from alcohol, it does ruin families! Also remember, there are other fish in the sea.
2007-05-20 02:18:28 · answer #2 · answered by helen 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋
I would make it clear in no uncertain terms if it ever happens again drunk or not you are gone. Because it is abuse, being drunk isn't an excuse. I had a friend that has something similar happen and her boyfriend started doing it everytime he was drinking. They've broken up now. But your boyfriend doesn't sound like a big drinker. Perhaps it was a genuine mistake, people's reactions are dulled by alcohol, but I would make certain he agreed never to get that drunk again. I'm sorry this happened to you.
2007-05-21 05:03:11 · answer #3 · answered by Guinness Guy 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Being severely drunk completely affects a person's thinking abilities. He may truly not remember having done what he did. Do not see this as *him* having done this; it's his drunken him who did it. They're not the same person.
Since he normally never drinks, then this is probably a one-time incident. He did NOT beat you up, bruise you, rape you, or anything like that. Although, you don't say just how hard he pushed you. I've seen drunk people push others, but it was a feeble push that nobody took any offense at. It was totally seen as a drunk person.
To me, though, this doesn't address the real issue: is this a guy who, when not drunk, is someone you could truly see yourself spending the rest of your life with? For some reason, part of me is seeing your question as a means of having a 'legitimate' reason to leave him. I may be totally wrong though.
2007-05-20 02:12:30 · answer #4 · answered by glurpy 7 · 1⤊ 1⤋
Hmmh? Sorry is he? Make him prove it. I'd say a free shot back is fair. One he cannot continue to drink to excess. Two I'd go for a public apology. Three he needs a clear cut consequence if he were to do this ever again, something so painfully humiliating that he would never do it again, perhaps talking to his family about it in frfont of you or worse your father. No matter what, you cannot allow yourself to be a drunks punching bag. If he cannot agree to the above type of thing (mine ideas are examples you can modify anyway you like). I believe you should RUN from the relationship. Good Luck.
2007-05-20 02:20:46 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
It was no accident and it should not be tolerated. However, that doesn't mean you should break up. Give him a chance and see if his bad behavior continues. Let him know you will not stand for that kind of behavior anymore and if he cannot control himself when he drinks he needs to not drink. If he gets abusive verbally or anything I think that would be it and time to go. We all make mistakes and if that was the first time he ever did it then it may have been just that, a mistake.
2007-05-20 02:20:48 · answer #6 · answered by TexanBrat 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋
He has the makings for a life as a drunk abuser. No alcohol for him when you are out together and that goes for you too. It's hard to be a non drinker when your partner drinks. He needs to take you to the place this happened and apologize to the hosts and to you in front of them. Then all of you need to set ground rules for your group for what will happen if anyone wants to drive drunk. You know the saying "friends don't let friends drive drunk".
2007-05-20 02:04:55 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
This is something that shouldn't be tolerated in any case. Who's to say it won't happen again. You need to consider this very carefully. No woman has to put up with this sort of behavior. Let him know how you feel about what happened, and take it from there. If it happens again for any reason, cut him loose. Am sure there's someone out there, for you, that'll treat you with more respect.
2007-05-20 01:57:51 · answer #8 · answered by g_davis58 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Alot of the people above seem to be of the "touchy feminist" type. Please know that guys are guys, this happens. I am against domestic abuse, and I am truly annoyed when I see comments of people saying that a minor incident like this is domestic abuse. I sometimes do things I don't remember when i'm drunk, but I never get violent. My advice to you is to not tell him where to go when he's drunk. You trying to make him leave probably embarassed him.
2007-05-20 02:21:05 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
no your not overreacting...when a person gets drunk sometimes they become some else and do and say things they normally wouldnt..but hwhen he pushed you and whatever that is a sign that he might do it again and repeat this whenever he drinks....i would seriously think about telling him you wont tolerate him drinking again as he got physically abusive with you..and if he does..your gone..and may i ask..what is common friends????
good luck and stand your grounds..
just want to add drinking or not..there is no excuse for this behavior..abuse starts by a shove and then escalates to more frequent..and harder...and possibly to abuse without drugs or alchohol...
2007-05-20 01:57:14 · answer #10 · answered by bettym 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
1. He was drunk.
2. Large quantities of alcohol impair judgment.
3. He's apologized (genuinely) several times.
Why are you so disgusted? Haven't you ever done ANYTHING, while being drunk, that you wouldn't do under normal circumstances? Forgive him and just make sure it never happens again.
2007-05-20 02:36:54 · answer #11 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋