Why do gays?

Question

Have to bang on about how good it is being gay. I work with one and he seems to be obsessed with it. Its always `Did you know rock hudson and james dean were gay` etc.

He just seems completely obsessed and is extra camp on purpose. You dont hear us straight heads saying how good it is to be straight. And while were at it I think we should have straight only hotels and b&b`s like you do. This is discrimination in the extreme.

Answer 1

Many intellectuals and artist were gay, which in turn has become a binding element of the gay community , which had to produce a common culture/history for itself to be able to represent its interests as a minority social group within the society. Because the issues surrounding sexual identity are not simply a matter of sexual preference, but are tied up with political and rights issues, it was necessary for the community to gain political consciousness and find a unifying cultural narrative that would provide a binding element for gay people from different social classes that would otherwise have had little in common with each other apart from sexuality (different tastes, speech, social status, etc), thus somebody who is coming out is not only making their sexual preference known, but also adopting gay culture and history as a part of his/her identity. Sometimes it means a rapid cultural shift and elevation within the society for the individual concerned and gives a sense of belonging to something better and more interesting ;its like being suddenly accepted by the cool kids at school.
For some people it can prove to be a little bit to overwhelming and they get intoxicated by their newly found identity and the sense of finally belonging somewhere that is more interesting than their original background.
Unfortunately being gay doesn't make you immune against being a **** and that contentment with your new self my sometimes translate into a rampant superiority complex towards everything that can be associated with your former life (including your work mates).
In your case i don't think you are a subject of discrimination, because nobody is denying you any rights or access( as far as I know) it sounds more like harassment or disrespectful behaviour, you have to see it in more abstract terms : is he disrespecting the way you choose to live...? what would be your reaction if he was a fan of a band that you disliked or was about to buy a car that you thought was rubbish and despite that he was going on about it, making fun of your taste ..would you be equally annoyed with the situation..? If you can imagine the conflict taking place over something else, not the homosexuality issue and you are still equally annoyed with his behaviour towards you, that you have a problem with him/his lack of respect towards your personal space, try addressing it outside of the gay/straight sexual context. If you are only annoyed by the whole gay thing, than you probably have a personal issue with homosexuality per se in addition to the conflict with your colleague, he knows it and uses it to harass you. Focus the conflict around the issues of your personal space, your professional relation,privacy ,respect etc. and away from your weak point of sexual lifestyles which gives him the advantage of feeling smug about his sexuality.
Hope that helps and that i didn't write too much.

Answer 2

That's not typical of gay people at all, and you sound like you have an issue with:
1. this guy as well as
2. gay people (hence your gross generalisation based on1 person - statistically this wouldn't stack up as valid research evidence).

I'm sorry he's bothering you, perhaps it's an underhand way to tackle homophobia that he has, almost certainly, encountered, plus insecurities due to this, or other stuff. As others have said, there is institutionalised discrimination that is just starting to be chipped away at. How many guys do you see kiss in public - other than soccer players? Or walking hand in hand down the street? Pretty few or none is my guess.

People don't generally feel that safe to be fully open about their sexuality and he isn't ramming sexual details down your throat, which would be somewhat invasive.

Ref. 'gay' hotels, try reserving a room - you'll probably find that you are not turned down. (I've got no experience here, except that I saw some apparently happy, lovely mixed sex senior citizens at a gay hotel in Bournemouth once) Hotels for years refused gay people the chance to have shared beds etc, though it's always me and my straight mates who get offered the shared beds, when we didn't book 'appropriately': (Still not sure how a 'twin' room can be that misunderstood!

And as for his 'campness' I guess this is just part of his personality - you can't persecute someone for this, it would be very wrong, just as it would be if someone tried to stop you from being 'too female/male' or something else at work. It would also, thankfully, be illegal in the UK, due to equality and anti-discrimination laws, designed to protect against bigots and prejudice. You'll be protected by other laws, that are more appropriate for you, thank goodness.

Overall, I guess he's a bit insecure about things. Accept him for who he is. I think running to HR about Rock Hudson tales would be a bit OTT and they'd probably feel that they've got more important work to do: it could also mark you out as being less of a team player and as prejudiced, so be careful.

Good luck! Rob

Answer 3

Rock Hudson was gay. James Dean was bisexual, which is not quite the same thing. This does NOT mean that its great to be gay - if it was wouldn't more people "jump on the bandwagon"? The most telling thing I ever heard about being gay was someone who was gay say "Why would you want to be a member of a group that so many people are trying to persecute" or something quite similar to that. Perhaps your friend is just more flaming than Joan of Arc, and just likes to flaunt it - a lot of gays aren't like that at all.

Answer 4

We have to put up with you straight saying how good it is to be straight. And while were at it I think we should have straight only hotels and b&b`s like you do. This is discrimination in the extreme.

Your talking out of your as* we do get discriminnatted against more than you seem too think

Answer 5

For a lot of gay people they feel that a lot of hotels and b&bs are straight only, and like they cannot be themselves there. I personally wish that everywhere was LGBTS. End of that hassle.

Your coworker is insecure, he's trying to impress you to make up for it. He's likely not secure about being gay, maybe because of your area.

I'm secure with myself, I think "I'm gay, so what?" your coworker is not, he's thinking "I'm gay, I have to impress."

Break him of the habit by engaging him in conversations on other topics. Ask about his weekend, or his partner. If you make it a non-issue that he's gay, then he won't feel quite so insecure about it, and won't feel a need to over-inflate the positive attributes to make up for his insecurity.

Basically switch the conversation, he'll get the message that you don't really care that he's gay, you just wanna know him as a regular person.

Answer 6

As a straight man, you aren't discriminated against anywhere. And most B&B's, and hotels are for straight people. That's why you don't need ones marked that way. Do you think you wouldn't be allowed in the gay ones? Not.

When you are denied housing, the right to marry, when your public behavior is censured and critiqued by everyone around you, when trolls start going into the "straight" forum to harrass you about your nature, when you are denied the ability to visit your spouse in the hospital because you aren't "family", when you fear physical violence from bashers, then you can beef to me about discrimination.

Until then, the world is your oyster, totally designed to approve of and solicit your opinions. Shut the f*ck up, and get over yourself.

Answer 7

Same gender hotels and b&b's are a reaction to a culture that thinks there is something wrong with two people in love with each other walking down the street holding hands or showing any kind of affection with each other. You accept my girlfriend and myself acting like a heterosexual couple does in public without the fear of violence and hate, then you can some stay at the gay only hotel of your choice. I'll pay for the room.

Answer 8

I worked with someone like this. He never bothered me, but he was reprimanded by management for "flaunting his sexuality" and then demoted.
This was at a time when most of the straight staff were sh@gging each other, openly discussing it and getting together to get whacked out of their heads. That was ignored of course.
I offered to help him put together grounds for discrimination, but he felt so ground down he would'nt do it.
As your question demonstrates, there is one law if you're straight, another if you're gay.

Answer 9

every single gay... and I mean EVERY SINGLE GAY alive in America today has faced some sort of blatant persecution, and their response is to be happy that they are gay and to show people how it's not a bad thing.

Blacks had Black Panthers
Hippies had the Weathermen
Whites had the Klan
Anarchists have thier riots
and gays peacefully march around proudly displaying their gayness with wit and happiness.

There is no better way to become accepted than to be happy and confident with who you are.

Answer 10

I worked with a straight guy for a while who was super-obsessed with being straight. He was always making uncouth sexual comments about female co-workers and customers, vocally sharing his sexual fantasies about them, and asking me what I thought about so-and-so's *** or so-and-so's boobs. It was equally annoying. If you find this guy's effeminacy annoying that's on you, it's just part of his personality but I agree that people of every orientation should make more effort to keep blatantly sexual-oriented topics such as their thoughts about boys/girls to themselves.