Has my mom somewhat come around to me being gay?

Question

So my mom has confronted me twice within the last year (usually it happens on average once every 6 months, Lord forbid it happens again) about my sexuality. She doesn't want me to be gay and has threatened to make me go to a counselor or a pastor, in hopes to get it out of my system...

The final confrontation occurred over the phone in January. Since then it hasn't come up anymore, but around March she said that she knows I'm going to do whatever makes me happy. We get along for the most part, although I don't really feel comfortable around her and when I'm in her house (I live with my grandparents when I'm home from college). I avoid gay topics as much as possible, b/c of how close-minded she is. But she'll usually be the one to bring them up some kind of way. I thought maybe she was trying to bring it up so she could try to relate to me in some way. I'm trying to be positive about this whole thing, but it's hard, but I hope she will eventually come around.

Answer 1

Give her some time. It sounds like she's trying. It may take a while, but hopefully she'll come around. Try to stay positive with her, and if she starts a fight,. excuse yourself as gracefully as possible. It's easy during the early times to say things you may regret later - they can't be unsaid once they've come out. Whether she comes around or not, you'll feel better about yourself for exercising restraint.

Try to look at things from her side. All her expectations and hopes for you have changed. She may feel she will never get to go to your wedding, or have grandchildren. Grandchildren are not only a joy later in life, but they give many parents the security to feel that their children will be cared for when they get older. If she is religious, she may be worried that you are doomed to hell. That's a lot for a parent to give up on and process.

Later on, when you're older, would be the time to make decisions. If she can't deal and at least be pleasant, you can always limit contact. Don't carry someone toxic in your life, but don't shut your parents out prematurely.

Answer 2

For your sake, I hope she does 'come around', and also for hers. She'll be a happier person, and mother, if she finds happiness in you as the person you are and not some ideal she dreamed or decided.

It does sound as though your approach could be working. She is seeing you are not backing down, and maybe she's accepting you. Alternatively, she may have decided to bide her time and 'confront' you again at a later date.

Whatever decision she comes to, you need to find your own way and your own sexuality. Really, if you think about it, there is nothing she can do. You will eventually be old enough to live your own life and if she rejects you, she will probably lose you to some extent.

In fact, I'd be willing to bet that at bottom, she is afraid of just that. It sounds as though you still respect her and her values. You could tell her as much, while reminding her that you are your own person and have your own path to follow.

Good luck and every best wish :-)

Answer 3

Well sounds like initially she was in denial.

She may have come around. Maybe she's put the ball in your court, and she wants you to make the next move.

I suggest you ask her to go to http://www.pflag.org and just have a look, maybe see if she can chat with some people, see how they dealt with it. If she realizes she has peers in the same situation it may make it easier for her.

If she throws any more tantrums though, remember not to enable them. If it's on the phone say "it doesn't sound like you want to be an adult about this, call me when you're ready to talk about it" and hang up. If it's in person, same thing, and walk out the door. You do not deserve any form of abuse over this. The more you tolerate the worse it becomes, do not enable tantrums.

But yeah, tell her about PFLAG, they can help her I think, it'll be good for her to know she has peers in this, that she's not alone.

Answer 4

Most parents want the best for their child and want them to be happy-after all they raised the perfect child-right?
Being gay is still concered a blemish on that perfection as are other things-won't go into that part.
Time and education along with a lot of love will bridge the gap but don't expect that gap to totally dissapear-it leaves a scar.
My dad never got over it (hated me), while my mom wanted me to be happy and so her gap became a tender scar which she protected me with against my dad.
There are many and diverse stories about all this out here and I can only hope yours is one of the better ones.

Answer 5

Holy Cow! that replaced into THE longest question i've got examine in ya(in keeping with risk in my total existence!) He of course likes you, yet at this age, you won't have the ability to truly say if he's gay or not for specific(niether are you able to assert you're for specific) i've got pased that age not very previously, so i comprehend there are a number of curious feeling today.(i'm 22) purely because of the fact you sense a liking to a guy would not advise you're gay. you desire lots extra experiance with the two men and ladies to determine that out(is going for the two one in all you) So my suggestion is, purely provide it a relax for now. save him as a chum, yet additionally make acquaintances with a lot of others. you will decide for your self in some years time

Answer 6

How do you expect to have her come around when you are a closed book? I suggest you talk to your mother, set boundaries (for instance you will not talk about going to a pastor or counselor to "get it out of your system") and don't be so judgmental. This is your mother, like it or not and life is too short to not be who you are with your mother. Mothers want what is best for their kids, and being homosexual has the stigma of being a difficult lifestyle. Point out to her how things have changed and what you plan to do to be happy. My guess is all she needs to know is that you are happy and safe. Good luck to you and your mom.

Answer 7

It's hard to say for sure if she's coming around, if she's against it for her religious beliefs, chances are she'll never fully come around. It sounds like she loves you though, and that's what you need to hold on to. My folks are both majorly against me being a lesbian, but it hasn't hurt our relationship too much. We don't talk about it exactly, though we talk about my ex-girlfriend, or some of my friends who are gay, and we manage to have actual conversations, but we never talking about me being gay. I don't try to walk on egg shells for them, if there's something about me I want to mention, like if there is a new woman I like, or anything like that. I tell them, and while my mother clams up, she at least doesn't talk down to me. I hope everything works out for you. The first step is remembering that she loves you.

Answer 8

I hope she does too. I don't know what that must be like, not having the acceptance of your parents. I have five brothers and we are all gay. My folks are way over it and were a long time ago. But that doesn't help you any. Perhaps she will, love.

Answer 9

I think it's funny that this conversation would come up every once in six months or so.

Romans 1:30 shows that homosexuals are disobedient to their parents: "slanderers, God-haters, insolent, arrogant and boastful; they invent ways of doing evil; they disobey their parents."

Besides that, the Bible shows that the only way to be truly straight and heterosexual is to walk with God. Proverbs 3:5, 6 says: "Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make your paths straight."

Except that you don't see your Mum that much, I would have thought that it would be an issue constantly in terms of values. Gay seems to derive from Old High German gahi, which means fast or sudden. This is the opposite to the Christian ethic of: love, joy, peace, patience, faith, self-control, goodness, mildness, kindness. Proverbs 29:20 - "Do you see someone who speaks in haste? There is more hope for a fool than for them." The heterosexual ethic is to keep an eye on yourself, rather than on others for your cues as to behaviour. Galatians 6:1 says: "Brothers and sisters, if someone is caught in a sin, you who live by the Spirit should restore that person gently. But watch yourselves, or you also may be tempted." The aspect of trying to correct other Christians is part of the Christian ethic as well.

However, for those outside the church, the apostle Paul advises against judging. 1 Corinthians 5:12, 13 - "What business is it of mine to judge those outside the church? Are you not to judge those inside? God will judge those outside. 'Expel the wicked person from among you.'"

This means that if a cult tries to use hypnosis, which the Bible condemns (Isaiah 65:2; Jude 8), you need to keep on praying so as to keep watch on your own behaviour rather than being guided by anybody else's commands as the hypnotist. This is referred to by the apostle Paul: Galatians 4:8 - "Formerly, when you did not know God, you were slaves to those who by nature are not gods." This is connected with observing certain days (verse 10). I see that you are calculating the frequency, as if your Mum has a list of things to do and you're one of them.

Answer 10

me too. for her sake.