I've been married for 4 years and have been together for 6 years...I love my wife but, things have gotten pretty quiet in the bedroom. She has never once come on to me or initiated sex...I know I have been satisfying her (multiple orgasms when we are together) I'm very good with foreplay and oral sex but, still she doesn't seem like she wants me. Is it wrong for me to want my wife to come on to me sometimes or initiate intimacy?
2007-05-19 23:08:12 · 15 answers · asked by aviddiver651 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
It is not wrong but it is better if you involve her more in the act. Encourage her to express her desire and do things that she want to do. She will open up gradually.
2007-05-19 23:22:52 · answer #1 · answered by Prem 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It's not wrong for you to be upset but there maybe something behind it all--how was she raised for instance? She may have the idea that sex should be initiated by the man. Is she shy or unconfident--she may be scared of rejection or looking foolish. Try talking to her. Rent/watch a movie that shows a woman coming on to a man and tell her how sexy that is. Go out and by a foreplay game that would put her on the spot sometimes.
2007-05-20 04:30:54 · answer #2 · answered by happywithhis 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I don't think it would be wrong for you to want that. However, do you initiate sex often enough that she doesn't have the chance? When you say it seems that she does not want you, does she reject your advances, yet enjoys the sex when she accepts?
Every person has different methods and different needs. Some women may feel it's too forward or aggressive for them to initiate sex. The main issue to explore is whether she accepts and enjoys your advances or does she reject you. If she is not overtly sexual or aggressive, that may simply be her nature. You can gently and playfully involve her more in the initiation of sex, and draw her into the process. You can't simply demand that she come on to you. Tease her and play hard to get to draw her in.
2007-05-19 23:52:22 · answer #3 · answered by answer 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
No, absolutely it is not wrong for you to want your wife to act like she wants you. If she's turning you down when you offer it to her, maybe there's something up that needs to be resolved. But if she's having sex with you when you bring it up, I think the most likely thing her feeling uncomfortable to bring it up. If she's never had to try, she probably feel slike she doesn't know how, or feels akward trying after so many years together. I think your best bet would be to tell her that it's hurtful to not feel desired, and tell her, specifically, what she can do to rectify the situation. Let her ease into it...a playful swat on the butt on your way out the door, a longer than normal kiss when you get home...
2007-05-19 23:18:18 · answer #4 · answered by mjax 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
1) what is the foundation of your relationship? love is a cheap answer, God is a better answer.
2) Morality plays a big part in the success of a relationship. If you do not believe in the same foundations in relatively the same way, there will be barriors. This would include knowing the private things of eachothers past.
Some people may have been pre-disposed to think in certain ways, and your wife might simply think it is wrong for her to initiate. But if you don't have a willingness to engage in conversation about the roles you have as husband and wife, you will not know how to handle some of these issues that pop up out of no where, because they get repressed for so long.
Does she resent the time that you two are together? then probably she just does not think it right for her to be agressive in wanting sex. You need to talk to her about this, in a way that allows her to be at ease in talking about it.
Sharing Bible reading time together is a good way to talk about these things.
www. RestoredFamily.org is posting some things about moral foundations, some of which might be controversial, but may be good for you to start the conversation in a way that is not threatening.
2007-05-19 23:21:24 · answer #5 · answered by Vman 2040 3 · 1⤊ 3⤋
I had this same problem a few yrs back. I know this sounds counter productive and most women will disagree with me but you have to ignore her sexually. GIVE GIVE GIVE in every way but for the next few weeks do not make a single sexual comment nor sexual advance. After a week or two she will notice that you have stopped and see that you are giving in every other way and trust me she will WANT YOU. Once this happens its a matter of balance and you still have to resist the urge and this will drive her crazy.
2007-05-20 01:09:42 · answer #6 · answered by Rod 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Maybe she was raised in a way that impacted her views on her own sexuality. If you haven't told her you'd like her to initiate, then tell her. I didn't realize that I wasn't affectionate enough until my boyfriend came out and told me. Sometimes people's views on their own actions can be totally different. She may think it's just fine. So tell her. Once you clear that up, let the fun begin. :)
2007-05-19 23:14:34 · answer #7 · answered by Kerry 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
write a small note and write your dream.
women don't have what you guys have. ours is not hunging that would go up with looks. we need a good touch and a good passion to have that sexual feeling.
unless it's one of our horny days... also, when a woman has a family, her responsibilities, the babies cries, school, problems, makes the woman's life more hectic to be relaxed and feel all that satisfaction you are asking from her.
why don't you plan for a holliday somewhere so you both can rest and enjoy your new pleasures and re-start the marriage..passion...
2007-05-19 23:50:01 · answer #8 · answered by Spark S 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Apparently, you're not quite as good as you think you are, otherwise she would definitely be asking for it. Multiple orgasms can be faked, you know, just to get things over with.
2007-05-20 01:25:35 · answer #9 · answered by Liz 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
She maybe was raised to think the guy has to start it. She sounds shy or submissive. Talk to her about it. Tell her that sometimes you want her to be more aggressive. That this pleases you. Good luck.
2007-05-20 00:38:57 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋